No job for young men and women


As you are all aware by now some old man, by the name Ratzinger, has given notice to quit his job as the representative of Peter or should I say the Vicar of christ on earth. I don’t know the real job description of the work for the occupant of the office but I know a few qualifications which include but are not limited to having knowledge of pedophiles but shielding them from the short long arm of the law, must be old[80 would be appropriate], must think homosexuals have been sent by the devil himself, must nominally believe condoms are unnatural while being celibate is natural and to top it up must rely on smoke signals.

Before we go to the perks and who should apply, how do you abdicate the duty of being vicar of Christ? This must have been the most boring job on the planet, how with representing a guy who doesn’t give a bat shit to what you do! No answered messages and then no job appraisal to know you are performing above par. Am not discouraging you from applying, just saying 🙂

Pope mobile am not saying I like the car, but it comes with the job

The perks include a secretary who can sell your documents to the public, pope-mobile[bullet proof], gold-laced dresses are they robes, holiday every so often, you own the Vatican Bank so you really don’t need money, an apartment room facing St. Peter’s square, diplomatic passport, you get to kiss the ground of wherever you go to and also to decide who and how the several billion catholics should mate.

Papal residence

If you qualify[qualifications are covered in the first paragraph] and are interested in the above job, I will be collecting curriculum vitae for shortlisting. Women can also apply[ we are trying to modernise the church]. Knowlegde of spoken and written Latin will be an added advantage.

Only shortlisted candidates will be notified.

All the best in your applications.

About makagutu

As Onyango Makagutu I am Kenyan, as far as I am a man, I am a citizen of the world

13 thoughts on “No job for young men and women

  1. It’s curious that Ratzie claimed poor health in getting out of the job. I guess all that nattering about how the elders of the church can heal anyone they want with a prayer and magic oil (book of James) is totally wrong, Again! Or gee, the pope surely could go to Lourdes for a quick pick-me-up! But maybe it’s just too expensive where the Church is pulling as much money as it can from the faithful.

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  2. john zande says:

    I had a wild fantasy that he was the newest member of the Clergy Project.

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  3. Isn’t it ironic that Catholics pray and ask God to give the Pope strength (I know I used to). I guess pray isn’t that strong. Likewise, doesn’t the Pope usually say he serves as long as God wants him, that he dies when God chooses? Benedict seemed to doubt God’s choice

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    • racheljaber says:

      I think prayer should be about you not about others. There is a reason why we no longer go to the priests to ask them to tell God of what we want. Its a form of meditation, a way of winding out, a way of finding peace….If it works for you, fine. If it doesn’t, try yoga. If still that doesn’t, try football…Its all about you, not the church or the pope or the priest….fuck those, its your life, live it!

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  4. Is being a former member of the Hitler Youth a prerequisite or was it just a CV filler for Mr The Sixteenth?

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  5. emmylgant says:

    And there I thought God could/would give strength to his servants so they could overcome their afflictions. Whatever.

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  6. Liberty of Thinking says:

    Oh guys, he had to step down because otherwise he would have ended up with such a weak health, that he may have taken accidentally too many pills and died as a result, like JP2’s predecessor :-\
    Have you got no compassion 😉

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