We are in business


This is a silly post.

Those of you who are suffering from pre-mature deaths, bad luck, permanent sickness and whatever else you can think of, god is ready to answer your prayers but only if you call the pastor who seems to know how to reach god.

Solutions to all your problems is a phone call away

Solutions to all your problems is a phone call away

About makagutu

As Onyango Makagutu I am Kenyan, as far as I am a man, I am a citizen of the world

47 thoughts on “We are in business

  1. john zande says:

    You MUST call that number! I MUST know what Pre-Mature Death is ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Like

    • nannus says:

      I think on first reading we have all misinterpreted this advertisement. What it lists are the things they offer, not the things they help against: if you give them your money, you ruin yourself financially (bad luck), then your spouse is going to leave you as a result (marital problems). You become despaired and depressed, maybe start drinking and as a result, ruin your health (permanent sickness, incurable conditions). You become crazy (demonic attacks) and then you die prematurely. The man is not lying. He will deliver ๐Ÿ™‚

      Like

    • makagutu says:

      I will text to find out and the cost of prayer, it must come with a cost you know ๐Ÿ™‚

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    • makagutu says:

      I find out about premature death.

      He says if members of your family die before the age of 70 then prayers are required to exorcise the demon of early deaths. I asked about the cost and duration of prayer but he didn’t answer.

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      • Mordanicus says:

        So 70 years is a normal duration of human life? Why wasn’t until the mid-20th century that the life expectancy rose above 60 (at least in the developed parts of the world)?

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        • makagutu says:

          That must be part of the revelation from god. I don’t know how he came to such an arbitrary number

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          • Mordanicus says:

            My problem with religions based on revelations, is that god being omnipotent, chooses to reveal himself only to a selected few. If god is able to reveal himself to everyone, he could easily every atheist or agnostic of his existence.

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            • makagutu says:

              The atheist is not primed for belief. You know the theist first believes that god exists then claims to know that his belief represents something that is true.
              There is a contradiction when a claim is made that a being exists with so many omni powers and still chooses to use a few charlatans to get his ends!

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              • Mordanicus says:

                Religious believe is based on illogic assumptions. When you ask a few critical questions about such beliefs, you are called evil just to avoid answering though questions.

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      • john zande says:

        Mmmmm, pre-70 is considered premature?

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  2. Real real me says:

    The post by itself isn’t silly to me, but your caption below the photo made it funny. I’m glad you didn’t censor the name and the phone number as some others who are not courageous would do it. I don’t find it weird, it’s a creative way to grab the people’s attention. Many people face those problems.

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    • makagutu says:

      Are you going to call a pastor to heal you from pre-mature death and how do you diagnose it? I see many ridiculous posters here, some even write they cure worry, not being loved at work and promotion! In sum, they are ridiculous promises.

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      • Real real me says:

        But Christians believe that God is all-mighty. I agree that “pre-mature death” is kind of undefined. I mean we know what for example “pre-mature pregnancy” means, but how can someone suffer from pre-mature death if he is not alive (on Earth) anymore? No I’m not going to call the pastor…

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    • and this pastor has found a way to make money from their utter ignorance. Many people do face these problems and the prayers of themselves or some charlatan who claims that he’s got the “real” way to contact god aren’t going to help them. Claiming prayer works is simply lying.

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      • Real real me says:

        Wow I thought it was for free. Obviously I am not fully grown up yet. This is suspicious, that church is very unpopular.

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        • No, you are likely fully grown up, but may be still under the misapprehension that prayer works. This is understandable, if one is raised by people you trust who have told you prayer works. Unfortunately, one has as much chance of having a milk jug or Bahamut, king of the good dragons, answer your prayers as you do the Christian god e.g. an utterly random chance since none of these actually do anything.

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      • makagutu says:

        and believing prayer works is madness!

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  3. Mordanicus says:

    I do not know what to comment on this, but all this does not make any sense if we are willing to assume that god is both omnipotent and omniscient. If god does require a telephone whore, I mean priest, then such god is not worthy any worship, since he is then neither omnipotent nor omniscient.

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  4. nannus says:

    Somewhere I read: stupidity is the cheapest raw material from which profit can be made. Where many people are uneducated, quacks and charlatans will prosper, and there are quack churches like this one.

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  5. mixedupmeme says:

    The best news is you don’t have to call.
    You can text!

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  6. oh my. ๐Ÿ™‚ what is the difference between permanent sickness and incurable conditions?

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  7. Nick says:

    Good one, had me in stitches. I actually saw a similar one a while back, but this clown had “failing business”, “lost items” and “locking your wife when you go on a journey” as other abilities he possessed. ๐Ÿ™‚ Oh, wait! That was a mganga. But seriously, is there any difference between the two?

    Like

    • makagutu says:

      Long time I haven’t heard from you Nick, hope you are well!

      I like the swa ones the more. A guy writes tunatibu wasi wasi, kupendwa kazini and so on.

      There is no difference between the two, all sell non existent stuff!

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  8. aguywithoutboxers says:

    I’m sure, for the right amount of donation, he can even produce a certificate, signed by the divine, exonerating the victim from any further affliction. What’s funny, so many actually believe these fakes! Nice post, my Nairobi brother! ๐Ÿ™‚

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  9. Am I the only one that caught it? “A place where god watches over his people” ?

    Seriously? This means there are places that he does not? How do you find such places? Dowsing rods? Black mirrors? Pendulums?

    I wonder if the geographical boundaries fall in line with UN sanctioned geo political divisions? Does this god watch over his people in churches, outside of churches, on the beach, everywhere but borthels? How does this work?

    There also seems to be come discrepancy between prophecy and the word of god. I’d be interested in knowing why this pastor thinks they are two different things?

    English, it’s not for neophytes!

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    • makagutu says:

      How does he know that where he is god watches people. This people are all interesting to say the least! And to find such places you must be a man of god which unfortunately you and me don’t qualify as ๐Ÿ˜›

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      • I am. I am that I am. I am my god. I know where I’m watching. If an omnipresent and omniscient god only watches in certain places… Well, my description of services is much better than such a god. Such a god is not worthy.

        Like

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