Random rants

A few days ago I was flagged down by traffic cop on one of the new roads recently made in China by the Chinese in the pretext that I was over-speeding. If these random stops were to ensure safety on the roads, yours truly would have no trouble supporting the efforts of the police. Unfortunately, these are opportunities for the traffic cops to extort law-abiding citizens of their hard-earned money while un-roadworthy vehicles ferry passengers. These are most times overloaded and are driven by men who do not remember when they were last sober! Next time a cop flags me down and claims I was driving beyond the speed limit, the discussion will be different from the one we had recently!

Recently the senate debated and passed a bill that allows anyone above thirty to own a gun. My first reaction when I had this was, what the fuck! are these numbskulls serious? The reason we pay tax to the government is not so that they can create stupid commissions and tribunals to investigate sometimes very mundane things like soldiers who were seen on camera stealing during the botched Westgate siege. If, as is clear, the government has failed in its duty to provide the citizens with security, it is only right we stop paying tax and find ways of getting the other services we pay the government to offer. Should this bill come into law, I promise, I am going to find as many ways to not pay tax as I can get.

Our MPigs, recently voted to pass a bill that would in the long run make it impossible to be critical of the government or the clowns running it. This bill is with the current clown in the office of the president. I hope he returns it to those retards in parliament to remove the offending clauses. I don’t like our journalists much, and with good reason, but I will defend their right and mine to spew all the nonsense they broadcast on TV, radio and print media without fear of arrest or intimidation.

There is a con man in the loose on the streets of Nairobi going by the name Elphas and phone number 0715547822 pretending he has several millions of dollars to invest but keeps asking for money. Should you be his unlucky victim, yours truly has granted you permission to stone him.

And lastly, to the ladies and gentlemen working at Airtel Kenya who happen to be my network providers you really should style up. I don’t understand why applying for a postpaid account is such a hassle! It’s harder than opening a bank account in some instance and all you want is my money. Style up, shape up or you will lose business to your competition!

About makagutu

As Onyango Makagutu I am Kenyan, as far as I am a man, I am a citizen of the world

33 thoughts on “Random rants

  1. Arkenaten says:

    Gawd Orlmighty, Mak, your opening salvo about the Poleece could have straight from the handbook of SA Motoring.
    Do they all go to Corruption School or something?
    Quite amazing is it not, that in many ways the only differenc between a character such as Dick Turpin http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dick_Turpin and the police is the police wont get hanged when eventually brought to book.

    There is, however, an almost fool proof way of avoiding Traffic Cops.
    Don’t drive….or bicycle…

    As for the guns….
    Well all I can offer is the title of that famous American sit com.
    Just Shoot Me….


    • makagutu says:

      You tell me, I would want to know who runs this school where cops learn how to be corrupt or are they born with the tendency to be corruptible and they get the opportunity once they are on the road.

      That’s an interesting story, that of Dick Turpin unfortunately it didn’t end well for him to say the least.

      Public transport is most times annoying if not outright inconvenient, maybe I should just cut out travelling and get myself a bike. Cops being crafty, I could be flagged down for not having reflectors on the bike or some other crime he will think of at that moment.


    • Joe says:



  2. lexborgia says:

    MPigs! I think you just broke the law. You’re raving mad today. Nice.


  3. aguywithoutboxers says:

    My Nairobi brother, now that you’ve spewed forth your venom, I trust you feel better! Seriously, writing does help reduce our stress levels when we vent about the idiocy of our elected officials! 🙂 Unfortunately, even an inactive government doesn’t end the madness, as our recent American government shutdown aptly demonstrated.

    I am not a violent man, dumb, perhaps, but not completely stupid. However, I do wonder about idiot lawmakers who endorse legislation allowing everyone over the age of thirty to own firearms. Didn’t any of these esteemed legislators even consider that these now legal gun-owners may turn their new firepower on the same legislators?

    As to police and political corruption, I think it’s a part of the hiring process for the job!

    Much love and naked hugs, my friend!


    • makagutu says:

      You know I was listening to some of the arguments for gun ownership and you can’t believe it. They said something like guys are getting carjacked and as such need to have a way to defend themselves. I haven’t been carjacked but from all the reports I have heard, no one gives you the opportunity to get to your gun. You will be dead before you can even locate it. When I say politicians are dumb, I hate it when people later on say am hating on leaders!

      For the police one would wonder do they ask as part of the qualifications if one can be corrupt. I have not met a cop who was not willing to extort someone on any pretext!


  4. Eric Alagan says:

    “…opportunities for the traffic cops to extort law-abiding…”

    Fortunately, Singapore eradicated this problem which was rife here in the 1960s. But when we dirve into our neighbouring country Malaysia – sometimes we meet crooked cops.


    • makagutu says:

      My friend, you guys are lucky! Every road block is a toll station set up by the police where they collect tax especially from public service vehicles and a few other motorists in personal cars


  5. Real real me says:

    I understand you, if there’s a next time (you’re stopped) I don’t doubt you’ll fight for the real justice. Aren’t the people aware what’s going on in your country or they’re just afraid to defend their attitudes?


  6. You should live in Chicago! Corruption, racist cops pulling folks over for the crime of being black, and many of our elected officials are serving time in prison for one crime or another. Must be because of all the atheists living here.


  7. john zande says:

    Elphas? Sounds interesting!


  8. Argus says:

    You get the government you deserve …

    Okay, I’ll slip you a fish here: this guy is a raving Christian but if you can hack that he has some very astute ideas on Governmentation and real economics. Bite the bullet and try not to gag, he’s got a lot of good stuff:



  9. fojap says:

    Speaking of cons, the former step-mother of one of my mother’s students, with whom she’s become very close, was arrested by the FBI last week for running a con operation. A few years ago, she asked if I wanted to work with her. I’m so glad I said no. My mother was surprised because it looked like a good opportunity. At the time, I said, “I can’t put my finger on why, but I just don’t trust her.”


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