Chronicles of YHWH 1: Of Unicorns and Fat Cows

(Note: The “Chronicles of YHWH” series of posts are meant to be a light-hearted take on the bible stories)

On the morning of the fifth day, Angel Gabriel handed YHWH the day’s creation program:

YHWH: “Let’s see: a chambered nautilus, cattle, rhinoceroses, elephants, moccasins, monkeys, hammer heads, unicorns, hyraxes… Wait… why is there a unicorn in this list?”

Gabriel: “It’s a pimped-up horse.”

YHWH: “It’s a horse with a horn in the face. I won’t create that.”

Gabriel: “But the rhinoceros is a fat cow with TWO horns in the face. You seem okay with it.”

YHWH: “I will stick three horns on YOUR face, Gabriel, if you start questioning me.”

Gabriel (Hastily): “That won’t be necessary, Lord. I understand completely: no unicorns”

And that’s why there are no unicorns on earth.

 

N/B: For access to all anecdotes in this series, check out List of all “Chronicles of YHWH” notes.

random stories from around the world

Some of the things expressed in this post shouldn’t be taken seriously!

Somewhere in Sudan a woman was shot dead in the head for failing to wear a tent. Now Somali is one of the hot places inhabited by men on this side of the Sahara. One wonders how Allah would be so offended at seeing the faces reported to have been created in its image?

On Tuesday, thanks to the Muslims we had a holiday. Can they fast more, not that I care as long as there is a holiday at the end. This part of the post is addressed to those who think Africa is one big country and places like Kenya are cities.We have atheists in this neck of the woods, and no we don’t live in fear of the religious. It is safe to be an atheist here. I think most people are creationists though. So I have these atheist friends we decide to have a meet up. We are not the group with the president :D, so that position is still open for hire. Any successful candidate shall have to pay us.

We resolved among other things, that since the media houses as currently constituted would not help us in furthering our atheist agenda especially of eating christian babies, we will have our own TV station. We have to this end planned to petition all churches to contributed an atheism tax of 10% on all their daily collections. This will go along way in financing our TV programmes and other engagements aimed at making people less religious.

I am introducing a new author, Joe, who, because he is older than I writes so well and because he is slightly tall uses big words a lot more often. Please let us all be up standing and welcome him with a hearty clap. He is such a gentleman, good natured and long time friend. I think even gods would like him.