Chronicles of YHWH 5: Counting Ribs

Eve: “Come here, Adam. I want to count your ribs”.

Adam: “Wait. What?”

Eve: “You heard me. You were deeply asleep in the afternoon today. I saw you.”

Adam: “Uhh… what has my sleep got to do with my ribs?”

Eve: “The last time you fell into a deep sleep, YHWH created me from one of your ribs, remember?”

Adam: “Yeah but… I still don’t see…”

Eve: “Why did you fall asleep today in the afternoon? Are you trying to get another woman?”

Adam: “Uhh…”

Eve: “I’m I getting fat? Is that it? How many ribs did you give out today, you pig? How many women are you planning to have, besides me?!”


N/B: For access to all anecdotes in this series, check out List of all “Chronicles of YHWH” notes.

An outrage, a review and a quote

I am outraged that some business in Kisumu, the Bistro at Mega City can rob even the sick! What type of greed drives business owners is hard to tell.

In Crime and Punishment, Fyodor Dostoyevsky tells the story of a crime or several crimes, their execution and eventual outcome. He tells the story of Raskolnikov, a young university student who drops out of school for being poor so to speak. He lives in a room that would be best described as a tomb. In idleness he plans a murder which he executes in cold blood, but luckily for him, he leaves no evidence behind. He robes the old pawnbroker, whom he continually refers to as a louse, but hides the stolen items under a stone.

I said he left no evidence behind, but he carried all of it with him, in his mind that is. He becomes irritable and twice at the mention of the crime he faints. He keeps tormenting a police investigator, Porfiry, to arrest him, if he has any evidence on him.

We meet Luzhin, a man full of himself. He has worked hard to be where he is. He is 40+ and a bachelor. He decides it is time to marry. He is betrothed to Avdotya [Dounia], Rodya’s sister. He is a scoundrel for a man. He wants to marry Dounia because she is poor and he thinks she will slavishly love him for his money. He is mistaken as things do not end well. He is turned out of the house by both Pulcheria and Dounia when he shows up for an interview with them.

Poverty is a vice. This is brought out very clearly in the life of Katerina Ivanovna. Her husband dies in a freak accident after being run over by a carriage while drunk. On the day of the burial, a dinner is hosted in his memory and a disagreement ensues between Katerina and Amalia the landlady. She is turned out of the lodge and she goes singing on the streets with her three small children.

We meet Svidrigailov, another scoundrel, who is kept by Marfa for seven years after being rescued from a debtors prison. We suspect he killed her to be free, but since there is no enquiry, he leaves the country moves to Petersburg, where he spends some of the money left him in taverns and donates some towards charitable causes. For example he takes care of the funeral expenses of Katerina Ivanovna, places her children in an orphanage where he pays for their upkeep and gives Sofya some money so she can live a better life. He kills himself, leaves a note that he was not forced to do it.

This book from the beginning to the end is full of tension, surprise and suspense. At the turn of every page, you are treated to a twist and one keeps waiting for the arrest of Raskolnikov which happens at the end. It is an interesting read. The one problem with the book that I have is the light in which atheists are portrayed. Raskolnikov is an atheist and is made to say or write a journal article that in society there is a group of men to whom all is permitted. We see Sonia imploring him to receive god, that his crime was because he had forsaken god. Svidrigailov too is godless and is a scoundrel.

the gospel is merely an eastern romance, disgusting to men of common sense, and obviously addressed to the ignorant, the stupid and the vulgar, the only persons whom it can mislead.

Ecce Homo by d’Holdbach

Chronicles of YHWH 4: Proving YHWH’s Existence

At one time, after listening to various freethinkers on earth, YHWH became worried. His very existence was being questioned. So he consulted his chief strategist, Angel Gabriel:

YHWH: “Gabriel, after listening to those atheists down there, I’m beginning to doubt my own existence. It’s weird. Something must be done.”

 Gabriel: “Well, you can manifest your powers on earth in such a way that no one will doubt your existence anymore.”

 YHWH: “Ah – excellent suggestion. I’ll go down there and beat their strongest warrior into a pulp. That will show them.”

 Gabriel: “I wouldn’t do that. Last time you tried that with Jacob, he beat you up for an entire night, even after you magically broke his hip. You ended up surrendering.”

 YHWH (Fuming): “Remind me of that night again, and I’ll turn you into a pillar of salt, Gabriel.”

 Gabriel: “Sorry. Say, what if you went down there, and blew everyone’s mind with your magic tricks?”

 YWHW: “Hey, I can do that! Tell you what, I’ll transform myself into a fertilized egg, enter the womb of a virgin, and get born in a cattle boma. Then, when I reach 33 years, I’ll let the people beat me up and kill me, and… wait for it… RESURRECT after three days! Ha ha! That will show them.”

Gabriel: “Uh… okay. You know best, Lord.”


N/B: For access to all anecdotes in this series, check out List of all “Chronicles of YHWH” notes.