Chronicles of YHWH 11: Captain Big Storm

Jesus and God


One lazy afternoon, YHWH turned to his only begotten son, who was floating on his right side, in the clouds:

YHWH: Junior, come over here. Tell me, when you were traipsing around with Mary Magdalene, and working the crowd with your tricks, did she ever gerrit? From you?

Yeshua: What do you mean, dad?

YHWH: Well, after she washed your feet with her hair, did you ever examine her badonkadonks, at close range? Did you introduce her to your sledgehammer?

Yeshua: I’m not sure I understand what you mean, dad.

YHWH: Did you motorboat Mary’s bazookas? Did you ever have her call you “Captain Big Storm, harbinger of Hurricanes and Typhoons”?

Yeshua: I must be having a slow afternoon, dad. I do not comprehend your expressions.

YHWH (Sighing): What I’m asking you, junior, is whether you ever came to know Mary. Like a man knows a woman.

Yeshua (Blushing): Oh. No… no, I never did that with her.

YHWH (Surprised): Wait. So you came back to heaven while still a virgin, Junior?

Yeshua: Yes, dad. I thought that those were your wishes – that I should live an innocent life down there.

(Long silence).

YHWH: Damn. You totally missed the whole point of my sending you to the humans, Junior.


N/B: For access to all anecdotes in this series, check out List of all “Chronicles of YHWH” notes.