Chronicles of YHWH 11: Captain Big Storm


Jesus and God

 

One lazy afternoon, YHWH turned to his only begotten son, who was floating on his right side, in the clouds:

YHWH: Junior, come over here. Tell me, when you were traipsing around with Mary Magdalene, and working the crowd with your tricks, did she ever gerrit? From you?

Yeshua: What do you mean, dad?

YHWH: Well, after she washed your feet with her hair, did you ever examine her badonkadonks, at close range? Did you introduce her to your sledgehammer?

Yeshua: I’m not sure I understand what you mean, dad.

YHWH: Did you motorboat Mary’s bazookas? Did you ever have her call you “Captain Big Storm, harbinger of Hurricanes and Typhoons”?

Yeshua: I must be having a slow afternoon, dad. I do not comprehend your expressions.

YHWH (Sighing): What I’m asking you, junior, is whether you ever came to know Mary. Like a man knows a woman.

Yeshua (Blushing): Oh. No… no, I never did that with her.

YHWH (Surprised): Wait. So you came back to heaven while still a virgin, Junior?

Yeshua: Yes, dad. I thought that those were your wishes โ€“ that I should live an innocent life down there.

(Long silence).

YHWH: Damn. You totally missed the whole point of my sending you to the humans, Junior.

 

N/B: For access to all anecdotes in this series, check out List of all “Chronicles of YHWH” notes.

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About Joseph Wahome

Used to the quirky side of life: been there, done that, got burnt, got redeemed, sticking the neck out again, but this time, with some titanium necklaces.

9 thoughts on “Chronicles of YHWH 11: Captain Big Storm

  1. makagutu says:

    Oh poor dude! What a slow boy he was

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    • Joseph Wahome says:

      A pity, considering that he allegedly was supposed to be the light of the world. In my view, no one can be expected to lead the world into enlightenment unless he or she has actually experienced human life in all its diversity. How could he have spoken about love if he had never fallen in love, for instance? How could he have advised married people, if he remained single for his entire human life? It doesn’t make sense.

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      • makagutu says:

        It is a pity when you think of it Joe. Even when he had an opportunity to clear a few issues up, he ducked the questions. He never answered any direct question asked of him.
        Christians have argued that his suffering at the cross for sins to be committed in future was a great suffering but this would only be so if they didn’t claim,
        1. that he was a god
        2. that he knew he was to resurrect
        but then again who kills an innocent guy for the mistakes of another. Even that example is abhorrent.

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  2. Sonel says:

    Bwhahahahahahha! Way too slow indeed! He would sure learn a lot in today’s world. LOL!
    Great post as usual Joe! ๐Ÿ˜€

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  3. […] Captain Big Storm: Link. (15th August […]

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