Chronicles of YHWH 12: The Diss


Transcript of a diss between YHWH and Lucifer, carried out over a satellite phone:

YHWH: (Text to Lucifer) //Please call me, thank you. To listen to the new Baqashot hit “Elohim Y’chnakaya Ekogokar” by DJ Enuphinum, send the text “80783” to 4367.//

Lucifer: (Calling back) “What’s up? And have you run out of airtime again?”

YHWH: “I’ve exceeded my credit limit with the phone company. Too many calls. Anyway, how’ve you been? Haven’t heard from you in a while.”

Lucifer: “Been busy. You know, the usual. Fire everywhere. I’m running a bit low on the sulphur and brimstone, though.”

YHWH: “So why are all your names so ridiculous?”

Lucifer: “Huh?”

YHWH: “Take the name “Satan”, for instance. It sounds like it was hit by a train, and died, and is now a zombie name, with parts of it falling off as it limps along.”

Lucifer: “Wait. Did you ask me to call you so that you can diss me? On MY OWN airtime?”

YHWH: “”Lucifer” is another terrible name. It sounds like it fell into the sun, got scorched into a crisp, was revived in an ICU, and now survives through straws and catheters. LOL.”

Lucifer: “I’m going to hang up on you now.”

YHWH: “I bet if your names were personified, they would have two left feet, a bent back, and arthritic joints. And they would be massively incontinent. Ha ha.”

Lucifer: “NKT. Your own name lacks even a single vowel. What’s up with that?”

Long pause.

YHWH (Breathing heavily):  “Leave my name out of this.”

Lucifer: “Ah, so you can say anything you want about my names, but I can’t reciprocate?”

YHWH: “Yes! For I am a vengeful, jealous God, and I won’t have you desecrate my name! Do not take my name in vain!!”


N/B: For access to all anecdotes in this series, check out List of all “Chronicles of YHWH” notes.