Chronicles of YHWH 18: Deadbeat Dad


Deadbeat Dad

With his hands securely stapled to the cross, Yeshua looked up into the skies, and cried: “Eli, Eli, Lama Sabachthani!”, which loosely translates to “Father, father, you are a Deadbeat Dad!”. YHWH disagreed with this assessment, and so the two held the following conversation.

(It should be noted that YHWH remained completely invisible throughout this exchange.)

YHWH: I’m not a deadbeat, Yeshua. I allowed you to walk on water some time ago, remember? Didn’t you like the experience?

Yeshua: I did, but that’s in the past. Look, I’ve just received the worst beating of my life. Then they’ve nailed me to this wooden truss. It’s embarrassing. Get me out of here.

YHWH: No. LOL. Tell you what – I’ll instruct one of the solders to nail down your feet too. Your sandals keep falling off.

Yeshua: No! Please, don’t do that, father! I’ll never call you a deadbeat dad again! You are the best dad in the whole universe! The beginning and the end!

YHWH: Yes, that I am! Ha ha.

Yeshua: Get me out of here, please. These human crazies are planning to drive a spear up my ribs.

YHWH: Ouch. That will likely hurt. But nay, you are stuck to that cross until I forgive ALL of mankind for eating that apple in the Garden of Eden. I’ve currently forgiven about 40 percent of them. The more you bleed, the more I forgive more of them.

Yeshua: I don’t get how that works, dad. Why forgive the humans only after they have tortured me – your own begotten son?

YHWH: It’s a complex thing, son. Much too complex for you too understand. But essentially, your blood acts as detergent to clean the sins of the humans. After you die, I’ll completely forgive the humans of that Garden of Eden… misunderstanding.

Long silence.

Yeshua: I really don’t understand how that works, dad.

YHWH: I know, son, I know you don’t understand. I’m very mysterious. Nobody understands my ways. Even the angels up here are looking at me with strange expressions.

 

N/B: For access to all anecdotes in this series, check out List of all “Chronicles of YHWH” notes.

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About Joseph Wahome

Used to the quirky side of life: been there, done that, got burnt, got redeemed, sticking the neck out again, but this time, with some titanium necklaces.

33 thoughts on “Chronicles of YHWH 18: Deadbeat Dad

  1. makagutu says:

    This is right on time!
    YHWH deadbeat dad, I can’t stop laughing

    Like

    • Joseph Wahome says:

      Ha ha. But seriously, who would allow his own son to die in a diabolical “forgiveness plan” for mankind? In my understanding, forgiveness is freely given: you only need to say: “I forgive you”. Simple. This whole nonsense of having to shed blood is macabre.

      Like

  2. Real real me says:

    The selfie picture made me smile!
    Yeshua says it’s embarrassing, but didn’t the character preached to people that it doesn’t matter as long as they are doing it for YHWH?
    If YHWH has agreed to forgive the sins of all humans then we shouldn’t care if one thing is a sin or not. The long silence of Yeshua signifies that he has agreed with YHWH. I certainly don’t understand YHWH, as he said “Nobody understands my ways.” I’m sure he doesn’t, too.

    Like

    • Joseph Wahome says:

      No, he doesn’t understand either. Ha ha. If he did understand himself, and his ways, he’d really hate himself, for all the nasty things he’s done in the past.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. emmylgant says:

    Too real. The abuse of silence.

    Like

  4. john zande says:

    What always amazes me with this story is how no one seems to ask the logical question: if JC is dead, and original sin forgiven, why didn’t anything change after? Aren’t we looking at a tremendous anticlimax?

    Like

    • Joseph Wahome says:

      Ha ha. Thanks John for this video. It’s hilarious. I’ve actually started to watch other videos by that Mitchel and Webb duo.

      But they are raising a very important question here: what exactly changed with the last purported coming of the Messiah? Aren’t things exactly the way they were before he came, if not worse? So why would anyone look forwards to his coming again? Won’t it be just another boring affair?

      Like

  5. ratamacue0 says:

    Well… that was mind-bending. o_O

    I do agree that I can’t make sense of atonement as presented by Christian theology.

    Like

    • Joseph Wahome says:

      The entire formulation of “atonement” by Christians is simply bizarre. However, since the idea is usually presented to them when they are still infants, they tend to grow up not knowing any better. I bet that if the very same idea was introduced to a logical, rational adult, he or she would laugh it away.

      Like

  6. guestpeaker says:

    There may be a lot of things we do not understand, but God is a god of order and clarity and He has given us His Word to come to know Him better.In case a lot of people would pt away those doctrinal teachings of man they would come to see it much better and would come much easier to understanding.
    Than they would come to see who is who and would not mistake figures, like taking Jesus for the God of gods.

    Like

    • Joseph Wahome says:

      Wait. You are claiming that God is a god of Order and Clarity? All evidence points to the contrary. If God was a god of order and clarity, there wouldn’t be so much confusion in the Christian religion today. There wouldn’t be over 45,000 denominations (and counting) in there. And there wouldn’t be so many outright and absurd contradictions in the bible.

      Like

      • guestpeaker says:

        The confusion between the religions does not come from God. He allows it to be, but it are human beings who made all those things up and create the difficulties.

        Like

        • makagutu says:

          In this case, you must admit you believe in a fiend, a capricious fellow. On the one hand his spokesmen insist he is concerned only with our happiness and immediately one of you says he is complicit in our confusion but waits to punish some people for it. Strange indeed, just too strange

          Like

      • guestpeaker says:

        God did not make up the religions, that where human people, who got the right from God to arrange things like they want (= whole matter of the Garden of Eden).

        Like

    • makagutu says:

      but but.. how do they come to the knowledge of god sans those doctrinal teachings of men as you call them? Are you not fed god when you are a baby and believe it is true as you grow up?

      Like

      • Joseph Wahome says:

        Indeed, Noel. Taken a step further, how can any child out there come to know about god and religion in general without being introduced to the concepts by another person? And even if one somehow found his or her way to the bible without being guided by another person, the bible itself is full of contradictions and absurdity. There’s definitely no order or clarity in it.

        Like

      • guestpeaker says:

        Each human being is created in the image of God and has instinct placed in him and the way to find God. Even aperson living in the brouse or in the middle of nowhere has in him or her implanted the possibility to find God.

        Luckily we do not have to have people brought up in a religious environment to come to God. We can have conversions from people who grew up i a atheist or pagan environment. But also the other way round, people who are brought up in a churchgoing family not always choose the same way or want to follow Christ.There are many people brought up in a Christian family who leave faith.

        Like

        • makagutu says:

          What is the image of god? How do you know that is the image of god?

          There are believers everywhere not content with believing on their own and work hard to spread their madness whichever version you have chosen.

          And it seems you are unaware there are other faiths other than christianity.

          Like

          • guestpeaker says:

            I do know there are many other faiths than Christianity, who may have the same as well have other gods, may have even similar stories in their tradition.

            Like

        • Joseph Wahome says:

          Logically, guestspeaker, it is impossible to be created in the image of an invisible being. The very word “image” implies that what is being imitated is visible. So your argument here is moot.

          Like

  7. […] Chronicles of YHWH 18: Deadbeat Dad (maasaiboys.wordpress.com) With his hands securely stapled to the cross, Yeshua looked up into the skies, and cried: “Eli, Eli, Lama Sabachthani!”, which loosely translates to “Father, father, you are a Deadbeat Dad!”. YHWH disagreed with this assessment, and so the two held the following conversation. […]

    Like

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