On the death of JC

Continuing with our story from where we left it here, we would like to investigate how the supposed Jesus died.

There have been many theories and the one I like the most is that JC was smuggled to India where he died in obscurity.

None of the gospel writers were there when he was taken to the tomb by Joe of Arithmathea [ why this dude has never been looked for I don’t know and he holds the key to the JC narrative] and whether he was alive or in a coma. There are no coroners’ reports to tell us the time of death and likely cause of death.

My good friend, TMI, brought to my attention the JW contention on the manner of death of the NT hero. They contend he died on a stake and not a cross among other contentions that they have with the true christians :D. Who has the true story of the death of our zombie Jesus? The JWs or the True Christians [ all puns intended]

And while we on it, how many people* are going to heaven?

* hint: the JWs have the answer.


About makagutu

As Onyango Makagutu I am Kenyan, as far as I am a man, I am a citizen of the world

122 thoughts on “On the death of JC

  1. Feeling feisty today, my friend. 😀

    “There have been many theories and the one I like the most is that JC was smuggled to India where he died in obscurity.”

    I was at a hair salon getting my hair trimmed. I was a regular and we (me and the owner) always got into discussions. We were discussing politics that time, GW Bush to be specific and it evolved to religion and Jesus. He told me the same thing and turned me on to a website dedicated to this theory. He’s from India. This was several years back. Can’t recall the website. I bet Jesus was a busy dude — he had a lot of demons to cast out. 😉


  2. nannus says:

    The JW version is a good example of how such stories ariese in religious communities. What really happened (if anything at all) is obscured behind stories and all kinds of psychological, political and religious/ideological motives contribute to the formation of the story.
    These made-up stories, however, tend to become more interesting than what really happened, because all kinds of interests and motives of different groups and people are going into them.
    Eg., there was a greece tradition that one guy who escaped from the Trojan war (Aeneas) would found a new city. According to the mythology, he was a son of the goddess Aphrodite. Some people in antiquity thought that that new city was Rome. Now the Romans had their own foundation story already, and the times did not match, so they inserted another city founded by Aeneas, and then let Aeneas be the ancestor of Romulus and Remus, who are involved in the foundation story of Rome. Finally, Julius Cesar claimed his ancestry to go back to Aeneas and thus to Aphrodite (or Venus). Now the Romans had some trouble because they considered the Greeks to be culturally superior to themselves. When the Roman empire defeated the greeks people referred to the old stories again: back then, the greeks had defeated the Trojans, now the Romans, descendants of the Trojans (according to that story) hat revenged their ancestors. One can see here how such stories are muddled with and then they are given political and ideological significance. I find such processes of rewriting myth and history for political purposes interesting in themselves.
    In the case of Jesus, the interesting question is to look at the motives of people like Paul etc. to twist the story this way or that way. What actually happened then becomes less relevant.


  3. Joseph Wahome says:

    We seem to have come up with the same theme today here, Noel. The death of Jesus. He he. Interesting coincidence.

    Now personally, I think that the whole Jesus story is bunk. I don’t think the guy ever existed. There is simply too little evidence for his existence – a surprising thing, for a person who supposedly used to break the laws of nature on a daily basis. Resurrecting dead people. Walking on water. Turning water into wine. Healing sick people magically. I think that it is very strange that, outside the bible, there is almost no other mention of this Jesus anywhere else, in secular texts.

    Yet, at the same time, there is so much evidence for noteworthy people who lived around the same time Jesus was supposed to be on earth. King Herod. Alexander the Great. And so on. There are coins, curved busts, some old drawings, and lots of literature that capture the existence of these other figures. Yet, if Jesus had existed, he easily would have eclipsed those other figures with his works. Isn’t this uniquely strange? And isn’t it, by extension, uniquely suspicious?

    I’d recommend that you go through the following essay, written by one of my old atheist friends. It is beautifully written, and addresses this issue of Jesus quite comprehensively:



    • makagutu says:

      There are many of us who see this story as bunk. There are those who believe they have a historical fellow behind their story. I don’t.

      That is a good essay. Thanks for sharing.

      As you mentioned what did his death achieve? Folks are still killing each other left right and centre unless they don’t consider that sin in their rule book


  4. shelldigger says:

    Ahh, but if you merely claim it is true, and stick by your guns, it IS true!

    No evidence, or verifiable documentation required.

    Yeah, makes total sense to me… 🙂 Not!


  5. john zande says:

    I want a Christian to explain to me why nothing changed after JC died. The whole purpose of the Suicide by Centurion* was to forgive the original sin. Great! Good stuff. And so……

    *your term, and I absolutely love it.


  6. aguywithoutboxers says:

    There seems to be a parallel here between the death of the mythical deity and the death of the late US President Kennedy. The number of “conspiracy theories” abound. The differences are that we have historical proof that John Kennedy actually lived and died. Not so in the case of the other.

    I like the kidnapping to India version. Was he transported there via magic carpet? 😉 Personally, that’s more plausible than the theists tale.

    Have a great weekend, my Nairobi brother! Be safe and take care!


  7. Ruth says:

    Well, see, all you have to do is make a claim that no one can definitively refute. Then it’s evidence and makes your claim true.


  8. Have a good laugh. It’s the weekend.

    “A belief that Jesus survived the crucifixion and spent his remaining years in Kashmir has led to a run-down shrine in Srinagar making it firmly onto the must-visit-in India tourist trail.”



  9. Those tomb of Jesus sites are awesome. Many give you the exact coordinates as to where in India the tomb is, in case you’re planning a vacation with the kiddies. Many show satellite pics of the tomb as well. I like this theory cause it conflicts entirely with the NT and pisses off christians. Anything that does that warms my heart. On a lighter note, I’ve been researching crucifixion, just cause, and it turns out, a lot, if not most victims of it, were tied or nailed to a simple pole with their arms extended over their heads. This brought about death via the inability of their lungs to take a breath after awhile. They kinda asphyxiated in a very unpleasant way. Also, there is practically no physical evidence left of crucifixion victims due to the fact bodies were often left on the crosses to be completely devoured by animals and/or tossed in rivers to just float away. Anyway, death by crucifixion, though a riotous ball of fun for its victims, was not carried out in one specific way all the time, in spite of what christians say.


  10. Wait, are you people telling me that India is the goto retirement spot for deities? Is the Ganges better than the Bali beaches? What? Something is wrong with this story. Itinerant Jew preacher retires to Hindu stronghold before sending angels to the desert (yet again) to inspire more hatred and bigotry?

    I know who JC is… that carpenter disguise doesn’t fool me. His real name is Loki


  11. Here’s an interview I did with Lazarus some of you may have read, but it fits in well here: http://variouspontifications.com/2014/01/26/lazarus-the-worlds-first-zombie-talks/


  12. mark says:

    I found an interesting article the other day that questions whether Jesus died at all from crucifixion and proposes instead that he took some kind of narcotic potion that put him into a coma like sleep which wore off after 3 days. In some ways it is just as bizarre as the India theory but nevertheless it is interesting reading http://www.forteantimes.com/features/articles/500/jesus_slept.html


  13. themodernidiot says:



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