Chronicles of YHWH 20: From Atop Mt. Sinai

Reporter: I’m reporting live from Mount Sinai, where I have the pleasure of asking YHWH a few questions that have plagued mankind for ages. YHWH, it’s a pleasure to meet you.

YHWH: You are welcome to ask any question, human. As long as you don’t look at my face. If you need to look at me, let me know, and I’ll turn, so that you can look at my back parts.

Reporter (Aghast): Uh… okay. Anyway, to the questions. Firstly, what came first: the chicken or the egg?

YHWH: The chicken is in the egg, and the egg is in the chicken. For this pleases me. I, the Lord of Hosts, have spoken.

Reporter: Hmmm. Okay. Second question: Why did the chicken cross the road?

YHWH: The chicken never crossed the road. Human philosophers and other “men of intellect” have lost their way, and now live a lie. They think that the chicken crossed the road. But I have hidden wisdom from them, and given it to babes, who now know that the chicken didn’t cross the road, ever. For the road is long and narrow, and only hooved animals cross it. The chicken doesn’t have hooves.

Reporter: I see. Third question: what is the sound of one hand clapping in the forest?

YHWH: The sound is very hard to define in human terms. It’s like a strained whistle from a Sopranino Clarinet, punctuated by a highly tuned Hammered Dulcimer, all while flanging the underlying Heptatonia Prima scale. It’s a highly anointed sound. The nearest human analogue is the sound of a slap on a cheek. Hence the famous saying: Turn the other cheek.

Short Pause.

Reporter: Alright then. I think that that will be all. Any final words, YHWH?

YHWH: Yeah. Are you sure you don’t want to see my back parts? I’ll hide my face while you look.

Reporter (Hastily): No, that won’t be necessarily. Thank you, YHWH.

 

N/B: For access to all anecdotes in this series, check out List of all “Chronicles of YHWH” notes.