Chronicles of YHWH 24: Earth-Sick


Earth Sickness

Heaven. Somewhere in the early 21st Century:

Yeshua: I want to visit the humans again, dad.

YHWH: What? Why?

Yeshua: I miss the unleavened bread down there. And the fine wine. And the fish.

YHWH: They will beat you up again. Or worse. I hear their punishment methods have evolved.

Yeshua: Evolved? Into what?

YHWH: Well, they might waterboard you and then throw you into Guantanamo. There, a burly guy called Mirasta will turn you into his wife. He is big. You would never be the same again. And I would never look you in the eyes again.

Yeshua: I can change my appearance. Shave my beard and shorten my hair. I’ll also wear dark sunglasses down there.

YHWH: Too risky. You’ll still stand out. You don’t know how to drive a modern car, for example. And they no longer ride donkeys. You also don’t know how to operate a basic computer. Or even how to mix a Pina Colada.

Yeshua: I could start life there as a baby, once again. Like last time. Learn as I grow up.

YHWH: Not possible. Those humans will not swallow the “immaculate conception” line again. Even last time, it was an incredibly hard sell.

Yeshua: Sigh. So I’m stuck here on your right hand side forever?

YHWH: Pretty much.

 

N/B: For access to all anecdotes in this series, check out List of all “Chronicles of YHWH” notes.

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About Joseph Wahome

Used to the quirky side of life: been there, done that, got burnt, got redeemed, sticking the neck out again, but this time, with some titanium necklaces.

14 thoughts on “Chronicles of YHWH 24: Earth-Sick

  1. lexborgia says:

    Bravo. Nice one.

    Like

  2. archaeopteryx1 says:

    None of the Christians I’ve yet met – all of whom are chomping at the bit to get into heaven and can’t wait for the happy day (yet still look both ways when crossing the street) – have yet figured out that the entire purpose of them being in heaven is to praise god 24/7. That’s gotta get a little old after the first thousand years.

    Like

    • Joseph Wahome says:

      Indeed, Archaeopteryx1. And after the first million years, it will get positively sickening. Anybody looking forwards to becoming a musician for eternity has no understanding of just how long eternity truly is.

      Like

  3. Alex Autin says:

    So when Jesus returns to Earth to defeat evil he’ll have to take the bus? Here’s hoping he has exact fare, else he’ll piss off a whole lot of commuters.

    Like

    • Joseph Wahome says:

      Ha ha. He’ll either take the bus, or get a really strong camel. The world is much bigger than he left it. 🙂

      Like

  4. Maria F. says:

    What? I thought Nobel laureate Obama (aka ObaDailama) had shut down Guantanamo for good. Well it must be the Villas of Isis that remain there with lots of tourists attractions. Wait, it’s actually Disneyland!

    Like

  5. aguywithoutboxers says:

    Thanks! I enjoyed this! 🙂

    Like

    • Joseph Wahome says:

      Hey there, my friend. Thank you for the kind words. I’ll keep churning ’em anecdotes for a while yet. Stay locked. 🙂

      Like

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