Chronicles of YHWH 25: Israel at Peniel


Israel at Peniel

One night, while Jacob was minding his own business at a place called Peniel, YHWH sneaked upon him, and started pinching him, provocatively. Infuriated, Jacob stood up, and gave YHWH a heavy beating for the whole night. A badly surprised YHWH dislocated Jacob’s hip joint in a bid to incapacitate him, but Jacob still managed to overpower him. Finally, at daybreak, YHWH begged for a truce:

YHWH: Please let me go, man. My body is aching all over.

Jacob: No, I will not let you go until you bless me.

YHWH: How can you ask me to bless you after beating me up like that for a whole night?

Jacob: You started it. You are the one who came and started pinching me for no reason at all.

YHWH: Yeah, but you didn’t have to beat me up like a step-son. I can hardly move. My left eye is swollen shut. My ribs are probably broken. You punch and kick like a mule.

Jacob: Look, just give me your blessings, and I’ll let you go. Otherwise, I’ll keep slapping you until you soil your loin cloth.

YHWH: No – don’t slap me again. Those slaps are too painful. My ears are ringing. I will bless you. What’s your name?

Jacob: I’m Jacob, son of Isaac.

YHWH: Fine. From today, your name will be Israel – for you have beaten God into a pulp. Now, please let me go back to heaven in peace.

And so Jacob – now Israel – let YHWH depart. And YHWH limped away, painfully. He never visited Israel again in a physical form.

 

N/B: For access to all anecdotes in this series, check out List of all “Chronicles of YHWH” notes.

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About Joseph Wahome

Used to the quirky side of life: been there, done that, got burnt, got redeemed, sticking the neck out again, but this time, with some titanium necklaces.

4 thoughts on “Chronicles of YHWH 25: Israel at Peniel

  1. archaeopteryx1 says:

    Jake was only 97 at the time – imagine the smackdown Yah would have gotten in his younger days. Makes you wonder what Esau must have been like, for Jake to have run from him.

    Anybody ever wonder why Yah was so afraid of the daylight?
    Gen 32:26 – “And he said, Let me go, for the day breaketh.
    Am I sensing a touch of “Twilight” here? Bit ironic, really, a god seemingly afraid of the sun he made, but then he may have left behind his sunscreen, SPF infinity.

    Like

    • Joseph Wahome says:

      Ha ha ha. Very good questions, Archaeopteryx1. 🙂 Perhaps some vampire blood runs through YHWH. Perhaps he sincerely can not face the sun, even though he reportedly created it. It’s all confusing. How some people out there swallow this tale without feeling alienated and disoriented is beyond me.

      Like

      • archaeopteryx1 says:

        I see it as a vicious cycle – the Bible continually promotes the unworthiness of humans – hear that long enough and you begin to believe it. Then, when you run across a passage like that, or the one where Abe feared for his life once the unnamed Pharaoh (who could likely have had any woman in the land) set eyes on the voluptuous 90-year old Sarah –

        you decide that the problem must lie with you, as it couldn’t possibly lie with the story teller.

        Liked by 1 person

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