YHWH: Lucifer?
Lucifer: Speaking.
YHWH: What’s that bluish glow I’m seeing in hell?
Lucifer: Radioactive cores. Uranium and Plutonium.
YHWH: What are radioactive cores doing in hell?
Lucifer: I run out of sulphur and brimstone a while back. Too many sinners trooping in. Besides, the radioactive cores create a much hotter flame. And they can last for much, much longer.
YHWH: Ah, interesting. Good thinking. How many sinners are you barbecuing, currently?
Lucifer: Almost five billions. The atheists, the Muslims, the Rastafarians, the Hindus and Buddhists, the Communists, and the Pope. I hear that some evangelical Christians are also on the way.
YHWH: Yeah. Some of them were wearing linen underwear, against my orders. Who wears linen against the skin, anyway? Creeps.
Lucifer: One impending problem, though.
YHWH: Yes?
Lucifer: The increasingly higher amounts of radioactive material needed might soon reach a critical mass, and detonate in a massive explosion. Hell will be no more.
YHWH: That’s fine. I’ll move heaven further away.
Lucifer: Oh. Alright then.
YHWH: Just ensure that those Christians wearing linen pants are nearest the cores when the explosion happens.
Lucifer: Uh, alright. Will do.
N/B: For access to all anecdotes in this series, check out List of all “Chronicles of YHWH” notes.
Random thoughts 
Mixing threads, the horror… The horror.
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Indeed, John: YHWH was strictly against wool and linen getting mixed. Perhaps he was allergic to the combination. Or maybe he was the first member of PETA.
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How does relocating heaven help his case when hell is no more?
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Well, Noel, perhaps it will help him move far away from the blast zone. You know – avoid getting radioactive debris in heaven.
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Aha, as in to save his behind
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Precisely. Perhaps I should have worded that line differently, to clarify the idea behind it. 🙂
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I got it.
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I will hve to say, that amongst all of the nuttery in the bible, the mixed threads is beyond me. Anyone run across what this may have actually meant/
and just think of all of those poor 1700s folks who wore linsey-woolsey. everyone going to hell.
and as for nukes in heaven, isn’t that where the holy glow comes from? 😉
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I sometimes find it hard to believe that any sane man could look at the sort of laws that were being dished out in the Old Testament, and still believe that they originated from a sane, intelligent source. Yet, this is the power of indoctrination: take any child, anywhere, feed that child with the weirdest tales, and the child will believe those lies up to adulthood. It’s a really unfortunate weakness of the human mind, if one thinks about it.
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Power of indoctrination, indeed…
“Weakness… if one thinks about it.” Ironic.
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I wonder if organic hemp linen underwear count. I saw some on sale; elastic-free, sweatshop free, chemical free, and it should be mentioned also free of anything even hinting at attractiveness. I’m not sure if someone who spends 25 bucks on such sexy-free undies should be cursed to spend eternity hanging out next to radioactive materials, I mean especially since they probably spent their natural life date-free. 😉
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Whoa. Organic, hemp, linen underwear? Sounds horrid. I bet that most of them are purchased by the Mormons as their “magic underwear”.
But if you think about it, if this magic underwear is supposed to reduce “sin”, by reducing the chances of getting laid, then it’s likely to be very effective at that. 🙂
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What the hell? 😉
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[…] Chain Reaction: Link. (20th October […]
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