Chronicles of YHWH 33: Cup of Destiny


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In the Garden of Gethsemane, a terribly worried Yeshua fell to his knees, and pleaded with YHWH. The following conversation ensued:

Yeshua: Father, if it is your will, relieve me of this cup of suffering.

YHWH: Can’t. It is your destiny to drink from that cup.

Yeshua: Make it such that it becomes my destiny to fight that destiny, then.

YHWH: If I did that, you wouldn’t be able to resist the destiny to fight your destiny. And if you thus fought your destiny, my plans for mankind’s redemption would be foiled.

Yeshua: But what if I fought the destiny to fight my destiny by not fighting it?

Short pause.

YHWH: You are starting to irritate me with your word play. Not very wise of you. I’ll make your cup of suffering bigger. I’ll make it into a mug of suffering.

Yeshua: No! Please don’t do that. The cup is fine, dad. Actually, if you could make it even smaller, I’d be ever grateful. Say, a thimbleful of suffering.

YHWH: A thimbleful of suffering is not enough. The minimum amount of suffering you should drink is a cupful. We are trying to wash away the sins of ALL mankind, remember?

Yeshua: But isn’t it all symbolic? The cleansing?

YHWH: It IS symbolic, yes. But even symbolic gestures have to scale in relation to the reality they represent. In this particular case, cleansing the entire human kind requires you to drink at least one cup of suffering.

Yeshua: I think your scale of reference is arbitral.

YHWH: Keep talking like that, and my arbitral scale will arbitrary award you with an entire pot to drink the suffering from.

Short silence.

Yeshua: What if I can’t drink an entire cup of suffering? What if the cup proves to be too much, and I drink, say, half the suffering?

YHWH: Then only the Jews will be cleansed. You’ll have to drink another cup for the gentiles later on. AND ride the donkey once again, into Jerusalem.

Yeshua: Whoa. I’ll drink the entire cup of suffering at a go, then. Didn’t like the donkey ride at all. People started calling me “Ass-Rider” from that day.

YHWH: Wise decision, son. Drink the entire cup at a go.

 

N/B: For access to all anecdotes in this series, check out List of all “Chronicles of YHWH” notes.

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About Joseph Wahome

Used to the quirky side of life: been there, done that, got burnt, got redeemed, sticking the neck out again, but this time, with some titanium necklaces.

37 thoughts on “Chronicles of YHWH 33: Cup of Destiny

  1. aguywithoutboxers says:

    LOL! With the population explosion what it is today, I imagine now it would probably be an entire kettle of suffering. Damn benevolent and understanding mythical deity!

    Like

    • Joseph Wahome says:

      Ha ha. Yeah, or it might even be a whole tank of suffering. Jesus would need several months to drink it all in. Thanks for passing by, my friend. ๐Ÿ™‚

      Like

  2. archaeopteryx1 says:

    Like

    • Joseph Wahome says:

      Ha ha. It must be really confusing for them to hold any sort of conversation:

      “I want you to die for mankind, Jesus”

      “But I am you and you are me, YHWH. If I die, how will you remain alive, and you are me?”

      And so on. Eternal nonsense.

      Like

      • archaeopteryx1 says:

        โ€œBut I am you and you are me, YHWH. If I die, how will you remain alive, and you are me?โ€

        God: “Don’t you remember? We’ve got that covered: I set the alarm for sunrise, Sunday – so I’ll be dead for three days, I could use the vacation –“

        Like

        • Joseph Wahome says:

          It’s a confusing world over there. A world where the more outrageous and irrational some things are, the more they are held in high esteem. It’s an upside-down world.

          Like

  3. john zande says:

    This really did have me laughing out loud. Well done.

    Like

  4. Tish Farrell says:

    Aaah- the beneficent cup of suffering…:)

    Like

  5. Alex Autin says:

    Brilliant! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Like

  6. makagutu says:

    Hahaha! I think the cup was too small. It should have been a drum maybe then most people would be covered!

    Like

  7. lexborgia says:

    Holy F**k!. Gut buster. You’ve become satirical lethal. Respect.

    Like

  8. Sonel says:

    Bwhahahahahah! Well done once again Joe! “Suffering cups” .. bleh! I prefer mugs of beer. Thank you. ๐Ÿ˜†

    Like

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