Chronicles of YHWH 34: SwineGate – The Untold Story

Swine Gate

After Yeshua cast out the demons and sent them to the pigs, the pigs run into the sea, and drowned. A very upset man then run up to where Yeshua was, and the following conversation ensued:


Man: Those were my pigs, magic man. I want my pigs back.

Yeshua: Sorry man, but your pigs have all just died.

Man: You’ve just destroyed my entire life’s work. I have no earthly possessions now.

Yeshua: Look at it this way: there are unlimited treasures waiting for you in heaven. Just be patient and kind while on earth, and you’ll get your own mansion in heaven.

Man: I don’t care about riches beyond the grave, magic man! I want my pigs NOW! Bring them back!

Yeshua: No can do. The deed is done. Besides, even if I brought the pigs back, they would all be full of the demons I’ve just cast into them. You wouldn’t like them.

Man: Why did you cast the demons into the pigs, instead of sending them straight to hell? Why have you impoverished me like this?

Yeshua: The demons requested me to cast them into the pigs.

Man: But why did you oblige them in that request? Why did you value the needs of the demons over my own needs, as the owner of the pigs?

Yeshua: I’ve just told you: there’s a fabulous mansion waiting for you in heaven. Forget about the damn pigs!

Man: I want my pigs back! I want my pigs back!

Yeshua (To his disciples): Peter, Bartholomew, Simon: get this heathen away from my face.

N/B: For access to all anecdotes in this series, check out List of all “Chronicles of YHWH” notes.


About Joseph Wahome

Used to the quirky side of life: been there, done that, got burnt, got redeemed, sticking the neck out again, but this time, with some titanium necklaces.

12 thoughts on “Chronicles of YHWH 34: SwineGate – The Untold Story

  1. kcchief1 says:

    I like your version better than the one in the Bible. 🙂


    • Joseph Wahome says:

      Ha ha. Thank you, Kcchief. 🙂 The bible obviously grazed over the irk and ill will that this demon-casting event must have created.


  2. aguywithoutboxers says:

    Could it possibly be that the deity herself/himself was nothing more than a demon-in-disguise, wanting nothing more than a lifetime supply of pork chops? Cool parable!


    • Joseph Wahome says:

      Hmmm. That’s certainly a possibility. Ha ha. It’d certainly explain why he’d send the pigs scampering to their deaths, instead of directing the demons directly to hell.


  3. lexborgia says:

    So that’s how the war on pigs began! An aside: I’ve never heard of any cows around those parts back then. Were there?


    • Joseph Wahome says:

      Cattle were mentioned several times in the Old Testament, especially in Genesis, Psalms, Exodus, and Job. They were mostly referred to as Oxen. But for some reason, I can’t seem to trace any single verse in the New Testament mentioning cows. Weird, right?


  4. seeing that pictures, all I can think of is water ballet with pigs and a nice waltz playing in the background 🙂


    • Joseph Wahome says:

      Ha ha. Pigs are beautiful, if left alone to do their things. This whole religious animosity towards them is unwarranted. They are animals, just like cattle or cats… or humans.


  5. makagutu says:

    Imagine this farmer was some guy on weed, there would be a war of no small magnitude.


  6. […] Swine Gate – The Untold Story: Link. (12th December […]


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