Christian Marriage Sex.
I know it’s Monday and some of you may already be at work, but I thought you need to know these things.
C.M.S
Random thoughts
Random musings about everything.
Christian Marriage Sex.
I know it’s Monday and some of you may already be at work, but I thought you need to know these things.
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Random thoughts 
Couldn’t watch it all, Mak. Jesus. Makes me wonder – Are some people SO desperate for attention that they’ll say any damned thing in cyber-space??
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I guess. Or maybe they feel it is their Christian duty
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With a title like that it has to be one to avoid!
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It is the type that should come with a warning: viewer discretion is advised
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Well, I did watch it all, lol. Talk about fucked up, but I’ve seen worse. I noticed Mark Driscoll made it into the clip for a few seconds, the perv famous for calling women penis homes.
“The first thing to know about your penis is, that despite the way it may see, it is not your penis. Ultimately, God created you and it is his penis. You are simply borrowing it for a while.
While His penis is on loan you must admit that it is sort of just hanging out there very lonely as if it needed a home, sort of like a man wondering the streets looking for a house to live in. Knowing that His penis would need a home, God created a woman to be your wife and when you marry her and look down you will notice that your wife is shaped differently than you and makes a very nice home.
Therefore, if you are single you must remember that your penis is homeless and needs a home.”
http://www.patheos.com/blogs/lovejoyfeminism/2014/09/pastor-mark-driscoll-called-women-penis-homes.html
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That is just a sick fellow
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*GAG* Simply amazing how twisted some people’s thinking can be. Ugh.
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I think twisted does not even begin to describe that mindset
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Needs a twitter campaign:
#endhomelessness #savewilly
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Hahaha, I thought it should be #savejohny 🙂
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Makes perfect sense! It’s not “home is where the heart is”, but “home is where the penis is”! Gives whole new meaning to “charity begins at home”. 👙
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A person who can come up with that is a lonely guy
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Yeah. Thank Jeebus for Christians. I like the guy who says, “You’ve got to suck things and swallow things for your husband.” Lovely.
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I think they need help with their relationships
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Actually they’re against oral sex as it prevents pregnancy, so christians don’t have to swallow anything but the word of the lord. 😉
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Plus you don’t want to swallow when Jesus is coming, and it is holy cum!
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Mak, you’re so sacrilegious!
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It’s Monday. Day of confession is Saturday. I will go tell the priest: forgive me father, it has been many moons since my last confession. He will ask my sin and I will tell him i dreamed Jesus came and I will be told to say two hail Marys and an leave an offering as a sign of contrition and we will be good with the church.
Let’s sin😂
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You should convert to protestantism…then you only have to repent to the sky to be forgiven and washed in the blood of jeebus. That’s a hell of alot easier than going to confession and being given penance!
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There would be no fun in that.
Telling a priest helps him share in the debaucheries of his parishioners.
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Ah yes…the naughty priests who like to listen to stories of debauchery. I don’t know if this was popular in your city, but in mine we did “face to face confessions”…they removed all the privacy screens for some reason. It was embarrassing to give a confession about sinful sexual thoughts (I was dating the boy would become my future husband) right while he was looking at me. Ugh…just the memory of it gives me the creeps!
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In mine there always were screens.
I think having no screens is pushing whatever too far
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After thinking about it more, I remembered they told us they took out the screens to make it “more personal.” I don’t know who the hell thought it was a good idea to make CONFESSION more personal. Maybe some pedo priest wanted to see boys squirm when they confessed the sin of masturbation? The whole face to face confession thing makes me very uncomfortable now that I’m an atheist…it seems far too easy to misuse such power.
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Maybe it was set up that way to be used for proper control of the parishioners. There is no anonymity
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Could very well be.
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They’re a gross bunch.
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Indeed!
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Oh. Dear. Lord. If christians only knew what could happen once you take god out of the bedroom!
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Don’t say it aloud, they might be reading
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What a bunch of fuckwits. How do people get this stupid? Oh wait…religion.
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You answered your question
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Well, it was an easy question 🙂
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That video was so good I’ve watched it 3 times. I especially like the part where they talk about how it’s forbidden “to bring a donkey into the marital bed.” At no time has my husband ever tried to bring a donkey into our bed…I must be missing out on something great! 😉
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Look, if you’re gonna have sex with a donkey, ya gotta do it in a barn. A donkey will literally make a mess outta your bed. Don’t bring it into your house.
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I know…the whole donkey in your bed thing seems so dirrrrrrty!
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Hee Haw!!!
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When in doubt, follow the Way of the Master. Word has it Jesus “rode” the ass of a donkey into Jerusalem as the crowd cheered him on.
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Laugh out loud kind of funny! 😈
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Hahaha, Ron.. I am now trying to get that image out of my head
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One would at least know that a donkey will not only mess da bed but da whole house
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As good old Zeke explains it:
Once you go…
you never go back.
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Zeke also wrote for Penthouse Forum, if I remember correctly.
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Indeed. Here’s an excerpt from a rare fragment titled “The Dead Seed Scrolls”–his most seminal work.
I’m a widowed, 50-year-old prophet who never thought he’d be writing to Babylon Forum. Although I’ve greatly enjoyed the stories for many generations, I’ve always suspected they were unholy falsehoods. (They just seemed too amazing to be the true, real-life experiences sent in by actual readers.)
However, a recent event caused me to set aside my skepticism. I know this is going to sound like a crazy fantasy, but I swear to YHWH and the Heavenly Hosts above that every word of this story is absolutely true.
Last week…
[Missing text]
Sincerely,
Ezekiel, Jerusalem
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Hahaha
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You can never go back after that
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I didn’t realize you had linked the Zeke verse…I’d totally forgotten about that one! What an appropriate conversation to whip it out in! 😀
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Whoever thinks of bringing donkeys to their marital beds, really need a health check
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Holy shit! Deconverting did wonders for my marriage in this area. Honestly, even while still a Christian, I would have found some of those ministers to be looney. I remember the whole “well, I’m not in the mood, but he is….okay” preaching disturbing me. Is that not sexual assault?
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Charity,
I wonder how many of those preachers would have said, “Take yourself in hand, fellows!” Like they say in my neck of the woods – “It’s a lonely – though not altogether unpleasant – job”
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I think hubs and I were lucky that we were snubbed so much in church as a couple. It kept us from getting involved with those sex Nazis.
Christians are really weird about masturbation. Some might say it’s okay for men (James Dobson) because it relieves tension. However, many are still odd about it. And if you’re a woman it’s an absolute no.
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Interesting…for catholics it’s the men who are forbidden from masturbation because in the bible it talks about the sin of spilling seed. Us women, well, we were never given explicit permission, but we weren’t told not to either.
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It is plainly evident that the Church is concerned with reproduction and that alone
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I actually found being a single Christian incredibly difficult. I was always told that men are more visual than women. I didn’t understand that because I have always been a very visual person, even as a little girl. I am very much into art, music, film and television. I remember craving sex for many years before I married. As you can imagine, this made me feel dirty and abnormal to have these interests and desires as a female in a Fundamental, Pentecostal culture. Hubs and I married as virgins at 31. It was the worst weekend of my life. It was one of the biggest ways religion FUCKED with my head. It may be why we didn’t get too caught up in that Christian marriage sex bull shit we see in this video.
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That’s totally fucked up. Sex Ed should not be to shame others but to educate on the body changes and how to take care of oneself among others
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What makes it worse is not being able to turn off that “sex is dirty” switch on your honeymoon. I had been brainwashed with that sentiment all my life. How could I quickly turn it off when god said it was okay to have sex now?
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The damage religion does to the sex lives of believers is, IMHO, an absolute catastrophe. Many are so broken they don’t even see the vast harm that’s been done to themselves, and the harm they continue to perpetrate on others. I don’t think I’ll ever fully recover from the damage religion has done to my sexual psyche.
Now you know any christian reading our comments is going to assume we’re wanton sluts who desire to fuck every person on earth. They can’t see past their own prejudices to understand how religion makes a disaster of even “proper” marital relations. It’s a sad state of affairs indeed.
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Agreed. I think when it comes to sex it’s best to do what’s the best for the couple involved. As long as it’s an honest relationship, all involved are adults and the intimacy is fulfilling and no one is getting hurt, I don’t think it needs any interference.
Leave it to religion to micromanage the fun out of sex. Their obsession shows their repression. And to force that whole purity culture on so many is just down right cruel and irresponsible.
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This “purity culture” is even more of a problem now that people are marrying later in life. Like you, I married at age 30, and my husband was 31 (the religious damage isn’t as bad if you get hitched around age 18 like older generations did). Unfortunately you and I got decades of damaging doctrine drilled into us before we even came close to entering marriage. That’s hard shit to overcome.
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That’s really hard shit to deal with.
I don’t recall clearly what I could have been taught about sex, maybe there wasn’t
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You don’t recall teachings on sex in the catholic church? What, were you drunk or high every sunday? I remember some very clear teachings about sexual sin being a mortal sin; how sodomy (anal or oral sex) was strictly forbidden, how god was watching teens masturbate and would send them to hell if they didn’t repent in the confessional, how every sexual thought was a nail being hammered into jeebus, and how you were ruined forever if you gave away your virginity before marriage. How on earth did you escape this horrible bullshit?
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Luckily for me, Sleep visited almost during every sermon. Must have been the devil’s work 🙂
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You lucky dog, you! My mom would have beaten me in the pew if I had ever dared to doze off.
My dad told me how one time when he was a kid he was sneakily playing with a mesh bag of glass marbles in church, when he accidently dropped it on the tile floor. It hit with a loud crash and marbles went rolling everywhere, including right up to the alter. My grandma beat the shit out of dad right there in the middle of the sermon! That was considered the proper thing to do for a misbehaving 6 year old.
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We had these long benches. To avoid being seen by my dad, we would sit with him on the same bench but at extreme ends, that way he wouldn’t see us. And maybe the priests couldn’t address the issue directly coz they were suspected of getting some where they shouldn’t
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You sneaky devil…know doubt satan knew he had a good recruit when he saw you sleeping through the Lord’s Prayer. You couldn’t even be considerate enough to wake up when the priest was talking fire and brimstone? What a hopeless case you were/are!
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Very hopeless. But if I stayed awake, I would have been bored to death.
Church was also a good place to meet up with friends
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Catholic theology and whippin’ the arses of children go hand in hand. If I messed up in school, the nuns would beat the shit outta me, then I’d go home and my mom would beat the shit outta me for pissin’ off the nuns.
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Haha ha. That was a shitty life buddy
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It actually was. Good thing I’ve got a sense of humor. 😉
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Your sense of humor is infectious
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CS and SOM don’t like me, though. ;( And I LOVE them SO much.
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I don’t like som at all. Cs I can’t stand his yapping
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I like neither one. SoM tries to engage me on other blogs, but I completely ignore him. If I wanted to have a 5 year old yell at me, I’d go to a playground and find one. I don’t need to have SoM do it on a blog somewhere.
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I, too, ignore him whenever he tries to engage me on other blogs. And I am never tempted enough to respond to his madness
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Neither am I.
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The physical abuse back then really was quite shocking. Every parent in our church had permission to whip the ass of any member’s kid no matter what had transpired…cuz to spare the lash is to spoil the child. Who could read the bible and not see it as a haven for all sorts of abuse? Why are people still reading it?!
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Indeed. The bible condones and greatly encourages abuse-many different kinds.
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Yes. Like giving your concubine up to be raped, chopping her off into pieces then displaying them in the corners of the town or wherever!
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Forgot about that one! How disgusting.
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People parse their Bibles. It’s the only way they can pass it along as suitable for moral instruction
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My mom says she believes in the bible, but she only read the four gospels. I encouraged her to read more but she told me “none of the other books mattered.” WTF?
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But even the four Gospels have enough matter to corrupt an innocent mind
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Very true. She doesn’t recognize the inconsistencies…she thinks they “harmonize.” Whomever came up with that concept is a magnificent shiester.
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Forget the inconsistencies. Who curses a plant that is definitely out of season? Or makes the flock of another commit mass suicide? Or commits suicide for infractions that are yet to be committed
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You seemed to have missed a key point when you slept through church all those Sundays. Jeebus is omnipotent…He can damn well do whatever he wants whenever he pleases, so your questions are superfluous and you know it. Satan must truly be infesting your heathen heart with pride and reasonable thinking. Go slink off and demand answers of some lesser deity and you might get an answer…maybe from muhammad. Oh wait, I don’t know if muhammad was actually a god, I think he was just a prophet. Try Thor…I hear he’s a nice chap.
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Oh my YES! Thor is the grandest! Way ahead of the christian god. 😉
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Mohammed was a just a guy after many women. That is his claim to infamy.
As to Jesus and impotence, I slept through that session. I don’t know why I used to go to church anyway coz even I slept through mass even in campus
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HA! I was just re-reading this comment and noticed you used the word “impotence” instead of omnipotent. I don’t know how I missed that, but it’s so funny I’m stealing it!
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What is his claim to fame really?
Have a pleasant week
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Violet, this was perfectly written. This is exactly what I experienced and I rarely run into someone who can relate with me on this issue. I remember hearing sermons and testimonials about abstinence. I was constantly thinking to myself “but you married at 19… a generation ago”.
Thank you for making me feel normal. This was simply amazing.
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Glad to help, Charity. Many people assisted me on my path through deconversion, and I like to pass on the kindness if I can. 🙂 ❤
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Well said
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The church should stop its obsession with sex and let people get better education where it is available
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I think Christians don’t read this blog
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There are occasionally christians who venture into your comment section…who was that last guy who said atheists are incapable of doing good? Dax? Oh lord, the hypocrisy of that one had me laughing for days!
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Unfortunately for us, the never last more than two replies. I stopped expecting them to honour us with their visits. One showed up recently and quickly packed up. I think I am hostile
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It’s because you worship the great Golden Boot.
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That could make sense
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You, hostile? Never. You’re certainly nowhere near as hostile as…ahem, some of your readers. 🙂
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I am. I don’t encourage their bs. There is little room to come preach on any of the posts. And then I can always respond to them as idjits
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Hehe…I guess using “idjit” could be considered hostile. Or sometimes they get called muslims by that guy with the lightening bolt. But that’s not really hostile…that’s just good comedy, right? 😉
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That guy with a lightning bolt pisses them off totally. He makes the claim he is Muslim and they are infidels. They can’t respond to his charge
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Who, oh who, could you ever be talking about?
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Did we mention any names?
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No. no you did not. 🙂
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Yes, that guy in a toga holds a dear place in my heart. Nothing helped heal me more than watching atheists use fabulous humor to confront the christians. They took the divine and made it seem ridiculous…which of course it is.
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$Amen$
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There are guys who take him seriously
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I know, and I love it. When GMF kept commenting on my blog, I took my inspiration from Inspired…I edited all GMF’s comments to make them muslim rantings instead. It was great fun.
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😀
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Haha. That was a class act
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I am serious. Very, very serious. 🙂 All the time.
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Lucky you my friend. There are people whose marriages have suffered because of priestly advice on sex
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Reblogged this on Scotties Toy Box and commented:
Grand! This was very funny. It also was eye opening. Please read the comments. They were wonderful. I thank MAKAGUTU for writing it. Hugs
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I am glad you liked it Scottie, they are silly people trying to police marriage and sex
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Great video… Thanks see this too http://www.thentrance.com/category/marriage
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Why should I?
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It’s a link that also share with your view ma’am
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Two questions
1. Where have I mentioned my madam or having one?
2. To what use should it be for me or us both?
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Alright
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It’s your blog… I can’t argue with you. Thought that could be of help. I was attracted by the videos in this post and I felt the link could also help. Sorry if I jump the gun.
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Then you missed the part where I posted it for laughs not because I took them seriously.
Yes, that is jumping the gun and apology accepted.
Next time you want someone to read a link, at least say something about it
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Thanks for the correction…
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You are welcome and hope you find something else of interest to you around
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