News updates from our news desk in Nairobi

From the Supreme Court of Kenya

Petitioner: My lords and my ladies, it is my submission before this court that the election was shambolic and not carried out according to the law

1st Respondent: It is possible we carried out the elections according to the law, but we are not sure and we can’t let you see the evidence

2nd Respondent: My hands were tied, I could only read what I was given.

3rd Respondent: I won fair and square, processes be damned.

My friends, the above, is the executive summary of the court proceedings, but in case you have time in your hands, are a lawyer, or just curious, you can start from

and play backwards. I promise you two things. You will be entertained. You will be enraged.

Having dispensed with that, Kenya has approved a complete ban on plastics, no plastic bags. I can safely say it is at this point in time safer to be found in possession of weed than a plastic bag.

Anyone planning on visiting our good country, don’t carry plastic bags. But you can carry plastic bottles, these are good. You can invest in coal, this is good. You can, if you have the funds, build on a riparian reserve, this is good. You can harvest sand from the rivers without a care for the environment as long as you have a license, this is good. You can build a railway through the national park, this, too is good. Plastic bags, bad bad bad.

Keep it right here, we will bring you more updates as they arrive on our news desk.

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on gambling

I don’t gamble.

I don’t bet.

It is not for lack of resources. One explanation is I did well in my statistics class. But that’s not why I am writing this post.

Even though our lives depend on chance. You have no involvement in who your parents gonna be. Which country you will be born in. What shitty religion those around you practice; you could be unlucky to be born to Mormon parents or Scientologists or Muslim. All this is chance.

To then make a population invest their life savings or earnings in a game of chance is, in my view, unconscionable. Gambling houses, like churches are leeches. Their owners spread a false narrative where only a few people win and the rest continue to game hoping they will win.

Gamble if you will, just like you go to church. But I think both things are incredibly stupid to place ones bets [pun intended] on.

News from the Motherland

And I am not talking about Russia.

2 weeks or so ago, we had elections. Several things have since happened and continue to happen. The first good news is we elected a functional illiterate as the governor for Nairobi. Clap for us. In another county, the governor-elect had to resign in the last government because he failed as a cabinet secretary. But you see, here, we love failures. We can’t do better. In yet, another county, their new governor was dismissed from the cabinet following accusations of theft of public funds in the tune of billions of shillings. You can see the trend, can’t you? We reward thieves, illiterates and failures with public office. So if you are anyone of the following, come, it is possible you will win before any honest citizen. We had exemplary candidates for MP [member of parliament], MCA[Member of County Assembly] but do you know what we did, elected thieves, illiterates and failures.

There is a petition at Supreme Court contesting the declaration of the presidential results. In 2013, I wrote about this court. It didn’t inspire confidence then, it doesn’t do so now. The justices, in a fit of drunkenness with power, warned us not discuss the matter before them. How wrong they are. We cannot live the question to the judges. We have a duty, a moral duty, to have a national dialogue on the conduct of the elections. And this right is protected in the freedom of expression and opinion. We can have an opinion and express it. They should concentrate on the evidence before them and let us the hell alone. Only now, they are on notice. This quote

This fatalism, however, will not stop me from speaking the truth that supports my cause. My appearance before this Court may be a pure farce in order to give a semblance of legality to arbitrary decisions, but I am determined to wrench apart with a firm hand the infamous veil that hides so much shamelessness. It is curious: the very men who have brought me here to be judged and condemned have never heeded a single decision of this Court.

from History will absolve me, by Fidel, best captures the prevailing mood for a large section of the population. We know the court is a farce. That its ruling is most likely to be an insult to our collective intelligence, but, we still go ahead with it. The electoral body blatantly disregarded court rulings on the conduct of elections. The executive has made it a habit to be always in contempt of court. The court is in contravention of the constitution on its composition.

I am certain the justices or their minions don’t read my blog, but they should take heed of this warning

Since this trial may, as you said, be the most important trial since we achieved our national sovereignty, what I say here will perhaps be lost in the silence which the dictatorship has tried to impose on me, but posterity will often turn its eyes to what you do here. Remember that today you are judging an accused man, but that you yourselves will be judged not once, but many times, as often as these days are submitted to scrutiny in the future. What I say here will be then repeated many times, not because it comes from my lips, but because the problem of justice is eternal and the people have a deep sense of justice above and beyond the hairsplitting of jurisprudence. The people wield simple but implacable logic, in conflict with all that is absurd and contradictory.

While an individual is not on trial, the court, while being the arbitrator on the dispute, is itself on trial. Anyone who can’t see that, is for shortness of my vocabulary, is an idiot. The independence of the court is on trial. The ability of the court to set a precedent in law that can be applied elsewhere not just in Africa, but in the entire commonwealth.

Related to matters elections, John Kerry, former secretary of state put his foot in his mouth when he made pronouncements on our election. Kenyans from all walks of life have advised him to help in the investigation at home in trying to determine if the Russians were involved in the US elections. Our matters are too complex for him.

On the constitutionality of the state organs, a number of us are petitioning the courts to rule that the state is in contravention of the supreme law.

Section 81 (b) on representation of the people is categorical that

not more than two thirds of the members of elective public bodies shall be of the same gender

And article 3 (2) is also categorical that

Any attempt to establish a government otherwise than in compliance with this constitution is unlawful

We pay an attorney general whose work, as stated in article 156 is the legal adviser to the government. What advise is he giving the government if he can’t point out such illegalities?

The constitution establishes the office of the judiciary. Their work, among others include interpreting the law. Since these judges and magistrates are first and foremost citizens, they should be at the forefront of defending the constitution. It is, in my view, dereliction of duty, for them to sit pretty, getting fat on the money we pay them waiting for some citizen to go to court to seek determination on these illegalities, when these are apparent. I argue that they are irresponsible citizens and should all be sent home for failing to uphold and defend the constitution which they took an oath to do.

And lastly, there is a more interesting debate going on too. There is a petition, by some communities, to secede. Those who want to secede refer to themselves as the Peoples Republic of Kenya and want secession from the Central Republic of Kenya. Whether it gathers enough signatures or not, it has brought to the forefront a big debate on statehood. On what it means to be Kenyan and why anyone would want to be in Kenya.

Judges, stand up. Be counted. Don’t sleep on the job.

Watch this space.

Man divorces wife for walking ahead

It’s slow news day here.

Wives, don’t walk ahead of your husbands, if they are stupid and have egos as huge as their intolerance. But then again, why would you want to remain married to such a man?

I hope this is just a story 

And while dealing with stupid men, a bishop in Australia has reminded us again, they like pedophiles.

I’d rather go to jail than report a pedo,

Examining the ultimate solution to climate change

My erudite friend, Bob has asked us to join him in imagining a solution for one of the earth’s great challenge, anthropogenic climate change.

My first critique is he skirts around identification of the problem by its real name, GREED. The problem this ruler is to address is simply that of greed. All the problems of globalization have their source in greed, an insatiable longing for excesses. It explains why we have bad books, badly done movies, it explains why people by iPhones each year when the old one is still functional. I can go on, but you get the drift.

In his analysis, he has limited himself. Capitalism can be replaced. Or it can be modified. This has been attempted before. We can attempt socialism. We have many options open to us, but only if we dare to imagine.

What are the possible solutions?

  1. As the person tasked with solving the problem, instead of eliminating the undesirables such as the radicals, I would eliminate everyone else and keep the radicals. This would be a radical solution. The only reason I reject it is it places a big moral burden on the leadership. Who do they get to do the elimination work? What does a society of murderers look like? Who would want such a society?
  2. We both agree on rejection of a nuclear war. We are not interested in destroying other flora and fauna
  3. A deadly pandemic, as long as it doesn’t kill others beasts seems just fine as long as it is deployed everywhere. How do you live with yourself seeing people going through unbearable pain? How do you deal with the trauma for those left behind after seeing so many dead folk, some who were friends, lovers, families or enemies?
  4. A one child policy looks like a good idea. It’s a long-term solution. Reduce population growth. Reduce demand for natural resources and maybe contribute towards specie extinction. This solution reminds me of Kurt Vonnegut’s 2 B R 0 2 B.
  5. Famine unless it affects everyone would make your position untenable. Blaming global warming will not help you. There will be an overthrow of the government.

What is the plan?

My friend believes famine is the best way and that we should centralize farming. But this is part of the problem. Commercial farming is greed driven. In fact, the problem of exponential population growth is a function of industrialization. So instead of commercial farming, go back to subsistence farming. Produce only what you need. Stop all commercial farming, fishing or whatever. With time, you will check on depletion of resources, the earth will begin to recover, the need to cut down forests for farmland will reduce, marine life will be spared.

There is no free market capitalism. It is monopoly by a few companies. By removing commercial interests from play and adopting some of the suggestions of Lycurgus, we will reduce greed, relieve the earth of pressure caused by demand for resources and maybe save the species.

Capitalism should die and the sooner that death occurs, the better for everyone.


In other news, I am unable to write here as much as I did before. It is not mind block. I am in the process of imagining new content for the blog