News updates from our news desk in Nairobi

From the Supreme Court of Kenya

Petitioner: My lords and my ladies, it is my submission before this court that the election was shambolic and not carried out according to the law

1st Respondent: It is possible we carried out the elections according to the law, but we are not sure and we can’t let you see the evidence

2nd Respondent: My hands were tied, I could only read what I was given.

3rd Respondent: I won fair and square, processes be damned.

My friends, the above, is the executive summary of the court proceedings, but in case you have time in your hands, are a lawyer, or just curious, you can start from

and play backwards. I promise you two things. You will be entertained. You will be enraged.

Having dispensed with that, Kenya has approved a complete ban on plastics, no plastic bags. I can safely say it is at this point in time safer to be found in possession of weed than a plastic bag.

Anyone planning on visiting our good country, don’t carry plastic bags. But you can carry plastic bottles, these are good. You can invest in coal, this is good. You can, if you have the funds, build on a riparian reserve, this is good. You can harvest sand from the rivers without a care for the environment as long as you have a license, this is good. You can build a railway through the national park, this, too is good. Plastic bags, bad bad bad.

Keep it right here, we will bring you more updates as they arrive on our news desk.

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