News updates from our news desk in Nairobi

From the Supreme Court of Kenya

Petitioner: My lords and my ladies, it is my submission before this court that the election was shambolic and not carried out according to the law

1st Respondent: It is possible we carried out the elections according to the law, but we are not sure and we can’t let you see the evidence

2nd Respondent: My hands were tied, I could only read what I was given.

3rd Respondent: I won fair and square, processes be damned.

My friends, the above, is the executive summary of the court proceedings, but in case you have time in your hands, are a lawyer, or just curious, you can start from

and play backwards. I promise you two things. You will be entertained. You will be enraged.

Having dispensed with that, Kenya has approved a complete ban on plastics, no plastic bags. I can safely say it is at this point in time safer to be found in possession of weed than a plastic bag.

Anyone planning on visiting our good country, don’t carry plastic bags. But you can carry plastic bottles, these are good. You can invest in coal, this is good. You can, if you have the funds, build on a riparian reserve, this is good. You can harvest sand from the rivers without a care for the environment as long as you have a license, this is good. You can build a railway through the national park, this, too is good. Plastic bags, bad bad bad.

Keep it right here, we will bring you more updates as they arrive on our news desk.

About makagutu

As Onyango Makagutu I am Kenyan, as far as I am a man, I am a citizen of the world

26 thoughts on “News updates from our news desk in Nairobi

  1. You’re starting to sound almost as positive as me! Excellent!!! ๐Ÿ˜€

    Liked by 1 person

  2. emmylgant says:

    Enraged is good.
    Have these guys no self-awareness? I mean, really!!????

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Damn, I just sent you a free lifetime supply of plastic bags. Sorry if this causes you any legal trouble. ๐Ÿ™‚ Your country is a fucking nuts as mine.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Ugh… what a mess! A “theatre of the absurd,” indeed. These proceedings remind me of a sci-fi story where a society was deliberately kept in the dark about the true nature of its world. An old man near the end of his days finally finds the courage to speak the forbidden truth only to pay the ultimate price. His last words: “For the world is hollow, and I have touched the sky!”


  5. renudepride says:

    Almost as productive as continuing to allow private ownership of firearms in the USA. These governments who think of themselves as divinely ordained are, in reality, nothing more than whores for the kingdom of their divine inspiration!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. shelldigger says:

    Son of a… I used to keep my weed in PLASTIC BAGS!

    Mak every time I feel like shit can’t possibly get any worse here, you remind me of how bad it is there. I don’t know how the world became so batshit crazy but I do hope it retreats back towards sanity sometime soon.


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