Do African countries like Nigeria have YouTube or internet?


I hope the person who asked this on Quora was joking.

In Africa we don’t have YouTube (what’s that even?) and internet? No. We use smoke signals and drums for faster communication. Where we need to send someone, we use horses at relay posts to deliver messages written on cow hides or frog skins because we still don’t know how to make paper.

As for music, we have market days where people come to perform and there is a person to select which songs will be played on each market day. A musician who gets selected to play frequently receives many likes, I mean thumbs up and is given kola nuts in appreciation. Those who get to play only a few times get sent to the dustbin of the clan history and may not be remembered unless someone does a cover for their songs.

Just to cover all other bases, we don’t have computers in Africa. The most advanced technology we have is Casio electronic calculators. I wanted to say we have only seen computers in movies bit figured this will lead to other questions like do we have movie theatres? or Cinemas. No and No. But we have those old projectors where a movie is screened on a white background and usually at night because we don’t have any buildings where such an event could take place.

The largest house here is like the one captioned below and only the chief and spiritual leader has such a house. The rest of us make do with tree canopies in inclement weather otherwise the sky is a good enough cover for us.

The largest house in Africa belonging to the chief and spiritual leader

Don’t be tempted to ask about whether we have aeroplanes, cars and trains. No. We don’t. We don’t need them. Our transport needs are very limited. The average African lives their entire lives within 3 miles of their birthplace and you don’t need any motorized transport for that, do you?

I hope you find this helpful. Should you have any further questions, don’t hesitate to contact us in the feedback page or in the comments section.

About makagutu

As Onyango Makagutu I am Kenyan, as far as I am a man, I am a citizen of the world

82 thoughts on “Do African countries like Nigeria have YouTube or internet?

  1. So I take it if its too rainy for smoke signals to work well, you use drums for messaging?

    I’ve seen the same type of thing about us in Canada being hip deep in ice all the time. I just say we ski jump off our igloo roof, keep flying reindeer in the barn if we need to go beyond snowshoe distance, we train the polar bears to catch our fish, etc., etc..

    Then there are these…..

    Believe it or not these questions about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Website (frightening, isn’t it!) Obviously the answers are a joke; but the questions were really asked!

    Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
    A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.

    Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
    A: Depends on how much you’ve been drinking.

    Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto-can I follow the Railroad tracks? (Sweden)
    A: Sure, it’s only four thousand miles, take lots of water.

    Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)
    A: So it’s true what they say about Swedes.

    Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy)
    A: Let’s not touch this one.

    Q: Are there any ATM’s (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (UK)
    A: What did your last slave die of?

    Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA)
    A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da is that big country to your North. oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.

    Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
    A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees Contact us when you get here and we’ll send the rest of the directions.

    Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK)
    A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

    Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys’ Choir schedule? (USA)
    A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is. oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

    Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
    A: No, WE don’t stink.

    Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you sell it in Canada? (USA)
    A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

    Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
    A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

    Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)
    A: Only at Thanksgiving.

    Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
    A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is illegal.

    Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name. It’s a kind of like a big horse with horns. (USA)
    A: It’s called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by
    spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

    Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
    A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Arkenaten says:

    I remember a conversation where I informed the other individual that South Africa has the highest percentage of Mercedes in relation to population outside Germany.
    I don’t know if this still holds true but I’ll bet we are in the top 5.
    They were surprised we had so many tarred roads.
    I mean, I acknowledge I was a little naive about certain things when I came here in ’79 but there is a limit to outright bloody stupidity, surely?

    Like

  3. merry mae says:

    Sounds like a good place to live without all those other detractions.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. jim- says:

    People here still refer to Africa like itโ€™s a country.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Barry says:

    When I was last in America, someone asked if we had internet in New Zealand. I told him that when I wanted to send an email I had to visit an internet cafe in Sydney, which was rather inconvenient. When he asked why it was inconvenient, I explained that we could only get there at low tide, and as it took a while to make the crossing, there was only enough time to make the crossing one way, and you had to wait until the next low tide to return. He bought the story hook line and sinker.

    Liked by 3 people

  6. Your use of carrier pigeons to communicate with me from Africa is outstanding, Mak. I see no need for you all there to ever even have the internet much less a computer. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 3 people

  7. renudepride says:

    LOL! ๐Ÿ˜‰ I am literally drowning in all the sarcasm here! ๐Ÿ™‚ My Kenyan brother, I do have one final question: Do Africans breathe air or carbon dioxide? Naked hugs and have a terrific weekend!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. nannus says:

    LOL I wonder how many days it will take until my “LIKE” drum signal will reach you. The old Kongo empire managed to run a large empire on a drum based information network, faster than what other parts of the world had back then, but the bandwidth and speed is a bit limited, according to today’s standards. Hope my message will eventually arrive. PS what kind of drum are you using over there? Round membrane based or wooden two-tone slit drum? I suggest increasing the bandwidth by using xylophones.

    Liked by 2 people

  9. It’s appalling when ever people ask these questions, I mean it just butresses how ignorant people can be despite claiming to be learned…
    Nice write-up, keep up the good work.
    Please, I’d appreciate it if you can check out my write-ups when you’re free and also comment, I just joined WordPress. Thank you

    Like

    • makagutu says:

      Thanks Chukwu. I would hope this question was asked in a jest because otherwise I would be concerned for these people

      Liked by 1 person

      • Yes o, I like to give them the benefit of doubt…even though I know deep down that some are actually serious.
        There’s a video of a Nigerian girl in China I watched recently and she said that her first day in China was really wierd, people kept staring and a man(a government official) walks up to her and keeps touching her skin, as though to Rob off the black substance on it,he then proceeds to Carry up the hem of her trousers thinking she’s fair down there then. Though his was out of curiosity and ignorance , it goes forth to show how ignorant many parts of the world are about other parts of the world.

        Like

  10. You did cover a sensitive matter in a funny way.. It takes some skills to do that.. ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘

    Like

  11. Um
    I’m a Nigerian and I f course we have internet
    What sort of obnoxious question is that

    Like

  12. Makagutu
    Thanks for that sacarstic answer….
    ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜

    Like

We sure would love to hear your comments, compliments and thoughts.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s