marriage advice

This information I am about to share I don’t think will be helpful to my old friends like Ark (he’s been around forever), Nan, Mary or even Judy but will help those of you like Mordanicus who might have ideas to tie the knot so to speak. And it is on grooming your  (christian) wives- I don’t know if it will work for Muslim, Hindu or Voodoo wives too, but heck, let’s see what it is. If this advice is followed, your marriage will be bliss.

First, is how did we get here?

I read your article on 7 ways to discipline your wife and you recommend taking away her debit card. I know I could do this, but in my view, that should be the last option. I am considering starting spanking her. I have mentioned it to her, not on the budget, but in general and she is against it. She thinks spanking is treating her like a child.

The question.

My question to you is, do you think I am making a mistake trying to incorporate spanking as a form of discipline in our marriage? Should I just take away her debit card and give her some limited cash?

I would say do both. Just kidding. Now I want you to sit and learn.

Just beware that grooming is sinful in humanism but sacred in the bible. All you damn non believers, you are not allowed to groom your wives. It is a sin. If there was a time to be Christian men, it is now. I know you didn’t know that grooming is a trigger word for humanists. I am sorry for all of you who are triggered by this post. It was not intentional. I am just trying to be helpful.

And just in case any of you, my readers is in major trigger mode because of the word grooming or use of animal in the definition, hold your horses, our poster has this to say

And one thing I want to mention for my humanist friends out there that are in major trigger mode right now. Some of them may be hung up on the word “animal” in the definition of grooming. If you look at the definition here you will see these examples of grooming “an impeccably groomed woman, was being groomed as a presidential candidate”. So no, this term is not exclusively used of animals.

I guess that settles it. You are no longer triggered or hung up.

Now we come to the meat or is it body of the lesson. The prerequisites for wife grooming

  1. You and your young bride must both be believers. This rule eliminates Mordanicus. I am sorry my friend.
  2. You and Your Wife Need to Be Biblicist Christians. In short you must believe like Ken Ham or forget it.

  3. Your wife needs to be young. Don’t try this if you are marrying anyone above 19 years of age!

With the preconditions behind us, we get to the steps of wife grooming. And my friends, this is a real gem. You will be thanking me for this 60 years into your marriage.

  1. unlearn what your culture has taught you– forget things like independent woman, feminism or anything of that kind. it is the man as the head of the family. the bible says it so it must be true.
  2. you must learn and embrace biblical gender roles– woman, know thy place!
  3. seek out a male spiritual mentor-you need a godly man to lead you on the ways of handling your wife with wisdom
  4. You must teach your wife biblical gender roles– i thought she would know these being she is a biblicist christian? It seems the bible limits the source of wife’s education to her husband at home. Woman, if you marry an ignorant man, you are done for. Literally.
  5. Get your wife a female spiritual mentor– because she can’t do it herself. Oh. I forget rule one.
  6. mold your wife into the glorious wife you want her to be– man, you are called to be a sculptor. Remove all the rough ages. Your wife will thank you for it.
  7. Discipline your wife– get your whip. Take her credit card. Lock her outside. Anything to put the fear of the Lord and you- is there a difference anyway- into her.

If all I have told you above doesn’t get you the glorious wife, remember

But one thing you never do is surrender to her desire to control your marriage.

Have a glorious day all of you, won’t you!

Just in case you are interested, the source of this brilliant information is here

About makagutu

As Onyango Makagutu I am Kenyan, as far as I am a man, I am a citizen of the world

26 thoughts on “marriage advice

  1. limey says:

    I saw this do a few rounds a week ago. It’s proper scary shit.

    For me, that page rings my POE bell. It smells like a parody. But it’s also close enough to some things that Christians have said that it could be real. So I’m left wondering which it is…..

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Arkenaten says:

    Just a quick heads up, Mak.
    I would quickly make this post private. If Prof Taboo sees anything about spanking he will be all over this like a rash, and may even offer to post pictures of humourous vegetables etc.

    Liked by 4 people

  3. DAMN!!! No wonder my marriage failed! I now convinced Christianity has some good points. I’ll add some of these to my Muslim belief system and hopefully, should I marry again, things will work out better. Too bad Jesus is a fake god and not a real one like Allah or I’d consider Christianity as a legit belief system–which, of course, it isn’t. $Allahu Akbar$

    Liked by 3 people

  4. basenjibrian says:

    For a real eye opening, if less religious focused per se, glimpse into a dark underbelly of the modern 9male) psyche, I recommend “We Hunted the Mammoth”. It is amazing what species of subcultures are enabled by the internet. (He focuses on the amazingly misogynistic “Incel” movement. There is some overlap, but not a lot)

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Mordanicus says:

    You and your young bride must both be believers. This rule eliminates Mordanicus. I am sorry my friend.

    Don’t worry, my friend. As far as I care, the “Sigalovada sutta” (paragraph 30) gives far better advice on how a husband should treat his wife:

    In five ways should a wife as the western direction be respected by a husband: by honoring, not disrespecting, being faithful, sharing authority, and by giving gifts.

    No requirements in regard of one’s beliefs or that of one’s spouse.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. jim- says:

    The best marriage advice is to never legally marry. It reeks of distrust from the get-go. Signing a paper shows both parties have their doubts

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Adam MSN, RN-BC says:

    I love it

    Liked by 1 person

  8. holyways123 says:

    As a woman, letting my husband lead,..and submitting to him feels amazing!! Feels so natural it’s crazy. I would’ve never thought it to be true 10 years ago.


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