I miss my mother


This morning I caught myself shedding a tear for my mama. I miss her. It’s been 13 years since she became an ancestor and not a single day goes by when i don’t ask myself what would life be with her around here.

What would she think of my crazy cycling? Would I be cycling?

What would she think of the relationships we have all built? What we have become? Would she be proud of her grand kids? Daughters in law?

Would she have aged gracefully? She left us too soon. We were still children.

And this reminds me of Narcissus and Goldmund-

“But how will you die when your time comes, Narcissus, since you have no mother? Without a mother, one cannot love. Without a mother, one cannot die.”

Maybe when our time comes, we will not suffer a similar fate for we had a mother and we have loved.

I miss her, my mother, my teacher, my friend. She was such a giant in our lives and that space remains unfilled.

 

About makagutu

As Onyango Makagutu I am Kenyan, as far as I am a man, I am a citizen of the world

30 thoughts on “I miss my mother

  1. limey says:

    My thoughts are with you. I lost my mother a similar number of years ago.

    Like

  2. maryplumbago says:

    Though I do not believe in an afterlife, if I could only see and visit one person, it would be my Mother. She’s been gone a long time..1990..and I think of her everyday still.

    Like

  3. Josephine says:

    They say grief is forever because true love never dies. To us she was a true love. I just hope she would have been proud of us.

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  4. rachaelgitimu says:

    Courage. May her soul rest in eternal peace

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  5. wuodflora says:

    There will be another woman like u flora, U are so amazing dear mum, we will mourn u forever coz u can never be forgotten. U taught me in school and at home, you were the best the would ever give. Love you mummy

    Like

  6. I know how you feel. I miss both my parents terribly, especially this year.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I know just how you feel, my friend.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. basenjibrian says:

    Mine is still with us. Mentally diminished by dementia, but she is a hilarious, sweet version of the illness. I am not the best son…I don’t see her very often (and especially not now 😦 ) But my sister has the ability to be almost full time looking after her.

    A very sweet post, Maka. Thanks for sharing with us!

    Like

  9. Swarn Gill says:

    Thank you for sharing these personal and tender thoughts mak. Having her around would be wonderful to be sure, but take comfort that you had such a wonderful mother. They aren’t all great. We should all be so lucky to have had such love in our lives from a mother. I am fortunate to have a good one too. She is in Pakistan though and while I’m glad she’s still around I miss her often also.

    Like

  10. I’m envious. I’d love to miss my parents, but alas they refuse to die.

    Liked by 4 people

  11. jilldennison says:

    How lucky you were to have such a mother!

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Quixie says:

    ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

    Like

  13. Tish Farrell says:

    I’d like to give you a big hug, Mak. So please give yourself a hug on my behalf. Also knowing that you had such a good mama makes a little light in me somehow.

    Like

  14. Zippy says:

    Awww i feel you…lost my mom 4 yes ago…and still shed very often.I hope i can accept it one day

    Like

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