The definitive list of those (lost) who are hell bound


Who ends up in Hell?

Many fundamentalist ‘Christians’ maintain that Hell is reserved for people who are immoral. Helpfully, they are able to narrow this down into a few specific types of people:

  • People who voted for Clinton, Obama, Biden, or any democratic president in history
  • Liberals
  • Communists
  • Liars (unless they are also elected Republicans)
  • Thieves
  • Murderers
  • People who are violent
  • People who question my constitutional right to bear arms under the second amendment
  • People who question my right to invade other countries so that we can find and remove their weapons from them
  • People who don’t live in the United States of America
  • Atheists
  • Agnostics
  • Catholics (according to protestants)
  • Protestants (according to Catholics)
  • Hypocrites
  • Pagans
  • Muslims
  • Critics of Israel
  • Jews
  • Hitler
  • People who believe that a vaccine is more effective than prayer
  • People who believe in evolution
  • People who believe the earth is more than six thousand years old
  • Christians who don’t take the Bible literally
  • People who disagree with my interpretation of an ancient Jewish manuscript written in a completely different time, culture, and context to my own
  • Christians who don’t own and read the King James Version of the Bible
  • Christians who go to a different church than me
  • Christians who believe in free will
  • People who have not asked Jesus into their heart of their own free will
  • People who have never heard about Jesus
  • People who believe that people who have never heard about Jesus will end up in heaven
  • People who don’t believe in Hell
  • Fornicators
  • Masturbators
  • Goats
  • Gymnasts
  • People who dance
  • People who engage in pre-marital hand-holding
  • Women who speak in church
  • Women who wear pants
  • Women who cause men to sin by wearing dresses that are too short
  • Men who wear dresses
  • Women who think they are men
  • Men who think they are women
  • Women who support men who think they are women
  • Men who support women who think are men
  • Men who like men
  • Women who like women
  • Men and women who affirm and support men who like men and women who like women
  • Adulterers (unless they are men)
  • Rapists (unless the rapist and their victim are married)
  • Drunkards
  • People who like rock music
  • People with tattoos
  • People who have read any of the Harry Potter books
  • People who watch horror movies
  • People who enjoy life
  • Witches
  • Fortune tellers (unless you call it a prophetic word from the Lord)]
  • People who gossip (unless it’s to collect prayer requests)
  • People who are greedy
  • People who are absurdly rich (unless they are a televangelist)
  • People who walk away from the evangelical church after three and a half decades
  • Dead people
  • People who see dead people
  • Cats
  • You

Hey, it’s because I love you that I am warning you that you’re going to end up in Hell if you don’t repent and start believing exactly the same things I do. In fact, you’re pretty darn lucky that I am so enlightened and can show you the error of your ways.

Don’t you feel better now that you’ve heard the ‘Good News’ of the Gospel?

I sure do!

In fact, I’m sure glad that I have faithfully administered my Christian duty by warning you about Hell.

Hallelujah

Source document

About makagutu

As Onyango Makagutu I am Kenyan, as far as I am a man, I am a citizen of the world

69 thoughts on “The definitive list of those (lost) who are hell bound

  1. We’re already in hell….the Pacific side of N. America.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. hell will be very crowded, this list includes pretty much 95% of the world population

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Barry says:

    Well it appears there’s at least 18 reasons listed above as to why I’m going to a place I don’t believe exists, but I guess the the most significant reason is the one you highlighted. I was expecting the number to be higher, but then I’m not eligible to be tested against conditions that apply only to Christians, women and assorted animals.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. This is why I’m glad I’m a devout Muslim. EVERYONE else who isn’t will burn in hell for being an infidel!!! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  5. jim- says:

    Many are called but few are chosen…
    Your post here is one of the reasons sinners like being Christian. Self deprecation and confessing they are wrong is the only time they feel 100% right. It Cecile’s a competition to see who can loathe the most properly

    Liked by 1 person

  6. ladysighs says:

    Glad to know I’m guaranteed a place there …. in several categories.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. renudepride says:

    At least I’ll have the good company of the goats! Better them than all the hypocrites that surround me now! Good listing, my Kenyan brother! 😉 Naked hugs!

    Like

  8. Nan says:

    That’s a VERY thorough list! Good job! Now we can feel confident that all our friends will be there to keep us company. 😈

    Liked by 1 person

  9. john zande says:

    Goats.

    Good, they deserve it.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Ron says:

    Hitler? It must be because of this:

    amirite?

    Like

  11. maryplumbago says:

    Oh and this list is priceless!

    Like

  12. Ann says:

    Yeah, the good news my ass. They tell kids stealing a cookie from the cookie jar sends them to hell.

    Like

  13. Ann says:

    My point is Jesus never said anyone is going to hell for not accepting him as their Lord and Savior. When he occasionally mentioned hell it was to the evil politicians and Priests who abused their authority.

    Like

We sure would love to hear your comments, compliments and thoughts.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s