Leviticus 10

The last time we were looking at the good book, Aaron was launching his career as the chief butcher and BBQ specialist for on high. I don’t know how Aaron sons come into the picture or how they managed to piss off god by offering unauthorized fire and ended up dead. You know you are dealing with an insecure bastard if fires authorized or otherwise is enough reason to kill people.

Aaron’s sons Nadab and Abihu took their censers, put fire in them and added incense; and they offered unauthorized fire before the Lord, contrary to his command. So fire came out from the presence of the Lord and consumed them, and they died before the Lord.

Then we hear Moses’ words of encouragement to Aaron who has just lost two sons

Moses then said to Aaron, “This is what the Lord spoke of when he said:

“‘Among those who approach me
    I will be proved holy;
in the sight of all the people
    I will be honored.’”

Aaron remained silent.

I find this threat of you will die to be one of the most useless threats used in the bible. And worse is the reasons for why a person will die. Can someone tell me, if this warrants being killed

Then Moses said to Aaron and his sons Eleazar and Ithamar, “Do not let your hair become unkempt and do not tear your clothes, or you will die and the Lord will be angry with the whole community.

Or this

Do not leave the entrance to the tent of meeting or you will die, because the Lord’s anointing oil is on you.” So they did as Moses said.

Here we have the order Mohammed misunderstood when he prohibited alcoholic beverages for his followers

Then the Lord said to Aaron, “You and your sons are not to drink wine or other fermented drink whenever you go into the tent of meeting, or you will die. This is a lasting ordinance for the generations to come, 10 so that you can distinguish between the holy and the common, between the unclean and the clean, 11 and so you can teach the Israelites all the decrees the Lord has given them through Moses.”

You should remember however that rules have been given prior of what is clean and unclean. This warning is thus superfluous. The people of Israel by now know what they are to present to the tent of meeting, unless Moses, Aaron or one of the prophets forgot they had issued instructions regarding what should be presented to their god.

The reason why even today pastors have the best, while their flocks languish in stupidity and poverty is because they learnt from Moses, the first priest. Listen to him

12 Moses said to Aaron and his remaining sons, Eleazar and Ithamar, “Take the grain offering left over from the food offerings prepared without yeast and presented to the Lord and eat it beside the altar,for it is most holy. 13 Eat it in the sanctuary area, because it is your share and your sons’ share of the food offerings presented to the Lord; for so I have been commanded.

And Moses sure knows how to take care of himself

15 The thigh that was presented and the breast that was waved must be brought with the fat portions of the food offerings, to be waved before the Lord as a wave offering.This will be the perpetual share for you and your children, as the Lord has commanded.”

And he can throw tantrums

16 When Moses inquired about the goat of the sin offering and found that it had been burned up, he was angry with Eleazar and Ithamar, Aaron’s remaining sons, and asked, 17 “Why didn’t you eat the sin offering in the sanctuary area? It is most holy; it was given to you to take away the guilt of the community by making atonement for them before the Lord. 18 Since its blood was not taken into the Holy Place, you should have eaten the goat in the sanctuary area, as I commanded.”

At least Aaron comes in the defense of the young lasses! What a good father.

19 Aaron replied to Moses, “Today they sacrificed their sin offering and their burnt offering before the Lord, but such things as this have happened to me. Would the Lord have been pleased if I had eaten the sin offering today?” 20 When Moses heard this, he was satisfied.

You’d wonder why Moses is acting surprised at the actions of Aaron who at the beginning of this chapter has lost two sons. Unless someone tells me that this chapter tells a story of several days or months, this was the time for Aaron to punch Moses in the face. He has barely buried two sons when Moses comes throwing tantrums over goat meat! Please spare. I don’t want to hear that nonsense of god inspired writing!

Reasons why I want to be a priest

No, I have never tried burning flour so I don’t know how it smells.

2 ‘Now when anyone presents a grain offering as an offering to the Lord, his offering shall be of fine flour, and he shall pour oil on it and put frankincense on it. He shall then bring it to Aaron’s sons the priests; and shall take from it his handful of its fine flour and of its oil with all of its frankincense. And the priest shall offer it up in smoke as its memorial portion on the altar, an offering by fire of a soothing aroma to the Lord. The remainder of the grain offering belongs to Aaron and his sons: a thing most holy, of the offerings to the Lord by fire.

Interesting god doesn’t discriminate on the smells, anything goes so long as there is frankincense. Who would not want to be a priest if you get fine grade flour without having to work. All you need to do is to claim to mediate between people and god then you are assured of square meals. Am joining priesthood.

‘Now when you bring an offering of a grain offering baked in an oven, it shall be unleavened cakes of fine flour mixed with oil, or unleavened wafers spread with oil. If your offering is a grain offering made on the griddle, it shall be of fine flour, unleavened, mixed with oil; you shall break it into bits and pour oil on it; it is a grain offering. Now if your offering is a grain offering made in a pan, it shall be made of fine flour with oil. When you bring in the grain offering which is made of these things to the Lord, it shall be presented to the priest and he shall bring it to the altar. The priest then shall take up from the grain offering its memorial portion, and shall offer it up in smoke on the altar as an offering by fire of a soothing aroma to the Lord. 10 The remainder of the grain offering belongs to Aaron and his sons: a thing most holy of the offerings to the Lord by fire.

What was the problem, was there a shortage of yeast or was it a lack of storage facilities? I need help here, anyone knows how the memorial portion of the grain could have looked? How would one tell this the memorial portion or was this knowledge only in the reserve of the priests?

11 ‘No grain offering, which you bring to the Lord, shall be made with leaven, for you shall not offer up in smoke any leaven or any honey as an offering by fire to the Lord. 12 As an offering of first fruits you shall bring them to the Lord, but they shall not ascend for a soothing aroma on the altar.13 Every grain offering of yours, moreover, you shall season with salt, so that the salt of the covenant of your God shall not be lacking from your grain offering; with all your offerings you shall offer salt.

I missed the memo on salt. And I find it peculiar the priests then didn’t like honey, I guess it was so readily available there was nothing special about it. Any student of archaeology here, please weigh in here on what could have been the crops and agricultural produce of these goat herders. Thank you

14 ‘Also if you bring a grain offering of early ripened things to the Lord, you shall bring fresh heads of grain roasted in the fire, grits of new growth, for the grain offering of your early ripened things. 15 You shall then put oil on it and lay incense on it; it is a grain offering. 16 The priest shall offer up in smoke its memorial portion, part of its grits and its oil with all its incense as an offering by fire to the Lord.

Am going to try to roast some green maize with frankincense and will report back here some day how it smells. I need to savour the aroma as god did whenever the priests made their offering.

On other news, who else is joining me in priesthood unless these rules have changed then I’d rather keep my day job. I have an idea though, we have to go back to following the word of god and so people must bring their best offerings. I will be announcing vacancies for assistant pastors and an accountant soon.

Rules regarding BBQ

When we last looked at Exodus, we had god giving instructions to Moses on how to build the altar and the tabernacle. I have the pleasure of informing you that the altar is complete, the mercy-seat has been built, the gold lamps adorned, the priestly garments made, Aaron and sons consecrated as priests. I may also care to mention that god is in a cloud sometimes he comes so the Israelites stay put, sometimes he goes away and it is this times they can walk. I will also mention that he guards the ark of the covenant with fire at night just in case there are sticky fingers.

We continue our journey into Leviticus and the first of the rulez regards BBq. Me thinks either the priests like the choicest bulls or gawd loves smell of bbq. Choose your pick.

1 Then the Lord called to Moses and spoke to him from the tent of meeting, saying,

Someone help me here, I missed the part where god is not omnipresent but stays in the tent.

 “Speak to the sons of Israel and say to them, ‘When any man of you brings an offering to the Lord, you shall bring your offering of animals from the herd or the flock.

Since the time of Moses, the priests have always wanted the best. I hear nowadays, since god no longer comes for bbq, they say it is for the work of the lord. Friends I think we should start a church.

 If his offering is a burnt offering from the herd, he shall offer it, a male without defect; he shall offer it at the doorway of the tent of meeting, that he may be accepted before the Lord. He shall lay his hand on the head of the burnt offering, that it may be accepted for him to make atonement on his behalf. He shall slay the young bull before the Lord; and Aaron’s sons the priests shall offer up the blood and sprinkle the blood around on the altar that is at the doorway of the tent of meeting. 

This place of meeting must have a horrid smell, with all the blood being sprinkled, I would not want to be within a mile radius of this place. There is no instruction of washing up apart from the entrails and legs of slaughtered animals.

He shall then skin the burnt offering and cut it into its pieces. The sons of Aaron the priest shall put fire on the altar and arrange wood on the fire. Then Aaron’s sons the priests shall arrange the pieces, the head and the suet over the wood which is on the fire that is on the altar. Its entrails, however, and its legs he shall wash with water. And the priest shall offer up in smoke all of it on the altar for a burnt offering, an offering by fire of a soothing aroma to the Lord.

Now if this god would extend this grace and come for a beer on a Friday evening, wouldn’t that be cool? I mean he has shown precedent that he loves the smell of bbq, maybe even a piece of choice steak so where is the problem of joining us for a beer? Just asking.

10 ‘But if his offering is from the flock, of the sheep or of the goats, for a burnt offering, he shall offer it a male without defect. 11 He shall slay it on the side of the altar northward before the Lord,………… And the priest shall offer all of it, and offer it up in smoke on the altar; it is a burnt offering, an offering by fire of a soothing aroma to the Lord.

Did they keep a compass in the tent to be used when it is a sheep offering, am just asking?

14 ‘But if his offering to the Lord is a burnt offering of birds, then he shall bring his offering from the turtle doves or from young pigeons. 15 The priest shall bring it to the altar, and wring off its head and offer it up in smoke on the altar; and its blood is to be drained out on the side of the altar. 16 He shall also take away its crop with its feathers and cast it beside the altar eastward, to the place of the ashes. 17 Then he shall tear it by its wings, but shall not sever it. And the priest shall offer it up in smoke on the altar on the wood which is on the fire; it is a burnt offering, an offering by fire of a soothing aroma to the Lord.

Don’t you think this was being cruel to birds? Wasn’t there an easier way of killing these birds am not saying they should have killed any animal as a scapegoat but since they are already at it, why not be humane at it? Have you been anywhere near a person trying to roast a bird with its feathers, the smell is unbearable and if this god loved the aroma, then I don’t know what it doesn’t like.

A time for action

This  chapter that god begins with gloating to Moses what he is going to do to the pharaoh as a young boy would to his playmates to impress them on his abilities

6 Then the Lord said to Moses, “Now you shall see what I will do to Pharaoh; for under compulsion he will let them go, and under compulsion he will drive them out of his land.”

If you thought god had revealed his name to anyone before Moses, think again. This is from the horse’s mouth…

and I appeared to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, as God Almighty, but by My name, Lord, I did not make Myself known to them.

Since we are already agreed this god is not omni-anything, I don’t intend to belabor the point, I’ll just mention in passing he remembered he had a covenant he had swore to to keep with with Abe and then he makes a promise that should make the sons of Israel take him as their god,

Then I will take you for My people, and I will be your God; and you shall know that I am the Lord your God, who brought you out from under the burdens of the Egyptians. I will bring you to the land which I swore to give to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, and I will give it to you for a possession; I am the Lord

Moses then says he has spoken to the peeps of Israel and they disbelieved him, how does god expect pharaoh to take him serious.

I will not bore you with the names of the heads of the families of Israel, who you remember we were told in Chapter 1 that all the generations of Jacob aka Israel died. In fact I don’t know what sons of Israel god intends to get out of bondage.

20 Amram married his father’s sister Jochebed, and she bore him Aaron and Moses; and the length of Amram’s life was one hundred and thirty-seven years.

I don’t know about you, but to marry your aunt is absurd! And by the way, I thought the matter of Moses speech was already resolved or is he playing mind games with god or is it the other way round?

30 But Moses said before the Lord, “Behold, I am unskilled in speech; how then will Pharaoh listen to me?






More absurdities

In the last chapter, we had Moses talking to a burning bush and his commission to go to the pharaoh and order him to release the Israelites or are they Levites, I don’t know. Moses develops cold feet. He thinks and rightly so, that no one is going to believe him so he needs some signs from YHWH.  I ask myself, for the last 2k years we have been asking god to show up he doesn’t but he could show up for Moses. What does he take us for?

YHWH tells Moses to throw his stuff to the ground and put his hand in the bosom, I guess you know what happened after that. Moses though has something up his sleeve, he tells god, he has a heavy mouth and as you would expect, god tells him as maker of man’s mouth, he will be with his mouth. Again for those who are blind or deaf, they really have a case against god. He says he makes them blind, mute and deaf! God ain’t amused and makes Aaron Moses’ spokesperson, wouldn’t it have been easier for him just to make Moses eloquent, if this is impotent, then I don’t want to be.

It is worth repeating that this god is suicidal, he hardens pharaoh’s heart so he can kill the Egyptian first-born sons as a sign of greatness, what greatness I wonder! Let it not pass you, god wants to kill Moses on the way so Zipporah, his wife, circumcised their son threw the foreskin at Moses feet and the lord let them go. I think this god has an obsession with murder and foreskin of young males!

The duo, Moses and brother meet the elders and perform the signs before the people and I think for the first time since he ran away, the people bow to worship. I kinda like these guys, if god ain’t doing anything for them, no worship!