Genesis 35

Jacob Moves to Bethel

35 Then God said to Jacob, “Arise, go up to Bethel and live there, and make an altar there to God, who appeared to you when you fled from your brother Esau [There must be several gods because the one issuing instructions here is not the one who appeared to him when he was fleeing from his brother].” So Jacob said to his household and to all who were with him, “Put away the foreign gods which are among you, and purify yourselves and change your garments; and let us arise and go up to Bethel [you remember Genesis 13 and 28 we were introduced to a place by the same name. I don’t know whether we are still at the same place or there are several Bethel], and I will make an altar there to God, who answered me in the day of my distress and has been with me wherever I have gone.” So they gave to Jacob all the foreign gods [my question still is, why had this god to appear to selectively? Wouldn’t be better if he appeared to everyone at once so no one would keep other gods?] which they had and the rings which were in their ears, and Jacob hid them under the oak which was near Shechem [in the last chapter, Shechem was a young man who violated Dinah and got the whole city killed, when did the transformation from person to a place occur? ].

As they journeyed, there was a great terror upon the cities which were around them, and they did not pursue the sons of Jacob [did Jake still anything or why would someone want to pursue them?]. So Jacob came to Luz (that is, Bethel), which is in the land of Canaan, he and all the people who were with him. He built an altar there, and called the place El-bethel [why rename a place that already has a name? Is he going to be renaming every place a god appears to him?], because there God had revealed Himself to him when he fled from his brother. Now Deborah, Rebekah’s[just in case you forgot, Rebekah is Isaac’s wife] nurse, died, and she was buried below Bethel under the oak; it was named Allon-bacuth [oak of weeping].

Jacob Is Named Israel

Then God appeared to Jacob again when he came from Paddan-aram, and He blessed him. 10 God said to him,

“Your name is Jacob;
You shall no longer be called Jacob,
But Israel shall be your name.”

Thus He called him Israel [if he has just been named thus, then to what or whom does Israel refer in the previous chapter?]. 11 God also said to him,

“I am God Almighty;
Be fruitful and multiply;
A nation and a company of nations shall come from you,
And kings shall come forth from you.

12 “The land which I gave to Abraham and Isaac,
I will give it to you,
And I will give the land to your descendants after you [has the land fallen to possession of others not of Abraham and Isaac?].”

13 Then God went up from him in the place where He had spoken with him [I hope we are all agreed that this god at least ain’t omnipresent, since if he goes from place to place then where he leaves is basically without god]. 14 Jacob set up a pillar in the place where He had spoken with him, a pillar of stone, and he poured out a drink offering on it; he also poured oil on it. 15 So Jacob named the place where God had spoken with him, Bethel [Please tell me, I thought we have a place called Bethel? Why keep renaming places with the same name? This reminds me of  a fun mail I read a while ago about an Indian family living in the US of A writing to their son in India and telling him they moved 10 miles closer to the city and have moved with their old address & are waiting for the previous owners to remove their address so they can put theirs! How will he even trace their new home? ].

16 Then they journeyed from Bethel; and when there was still some distance to go to Ephrath, Rachel began to give birth and she suffered severe labor. 17 When she was in severe labor the midwife said to her, “Do not fear, for now you have another son.” 18 It came about as her soul was departing (for she died),[I don’t know the pains of child-birth nor how it feels to die since these are two things I haven’t experienced, but tell me who when they are in pain and dying would think about naming a child?] that she named him Ben-oni[ son of my sorrow]; but his father called him Benjamin[son of my strength]. 19 So Rachel died and was buried on the way to Ephrath (that is, Bethlehem). 20 Jacob set up a pillar over her grave; that is the pillar of Rachel’s grave to this day [if you should see this pillar in your travels, please be kind to share the photos with me!] . 21 Then Israel journeyed on and pitched his tent beyond the tower of Eder.

22 It came about while Israel was dwelling in that land, that Reuben went and lay with Bilhah his father’s concubine, and Israel heard of it [Seriously! He heard it and that’s it?].

The Sons of Israel

Now there were twelve sons of Jacob— 23 the sons of Leah: Reuben, Jacob’s firstborn, then Simeon and Levi and Judah and Issachar and Zebulun; 24 the sons of Rachel: Joseph and Benjamin; 25 and the sons of Bilhah, Rachel’s maid: Dan and Naphtali; 26 and the sons of Zilpah, Leah’s maid: Gad and Asher. These are the sons of Jacob who were born to him in Paddan-aram [Benjamin wasn’t born in Paddan-aram, unless the sribe here has not read the preceding verses!].

27 Jacob came to his father Isaac at Mamre of Kiriath-arba (that is, Hebron), where Abraham and Isaac had sojourned.

28 Now the days of Isaac were one hundred and eighty years. 29 Isaac breathed his last and died and was gathered to his people, an old man of ripe age; and his sons Esau and Jacob buried him [Our cardboard character, Isaac, finally takes his last at 180 years. There is a problem here though, many chapters earlier, the limit for a man’s life had been put at 120 years and as have said in many places, the many scribes involved in compiling this document didn’t care for consistency or accuracy. Where does Esau come into the picture? The brothers are living apart from each other!].

Genesis 32

Jacob’s Fear of Esau

In the complete Jewish Bible, this verse begins with Laban kissing his family by, while the NASB has it start with Jacob going his way, which is the right one I’ll let you to judge. In this chapter, we have a member of Abe’s family, Jacob, planning an elaborate deception scheme comparable to Abe’s pimping episodes except this time he is bribing his brother who cheated of his blessings and birthright. The scribes have also murdered one of Jake’s children because instead of counting twelve, they have eleven. Of note as well, is the circumstances under which Jake’s name changes to Israel of an episode of either WWE or kickboxing.

32 Now as Jacob went on his way, the angels of God met him. Jacob said when he saw them, “This is God’s camp.” So he named that place Mahanaim[this word translates to two camps. Why a person would name a place as such still passes me].

Then Jacob sent messengers before him to his brother Esau in the land of Seir, the country of Edom. He also commanded them saying, “Thus you shall say to my lord Esau [why would his brother be his master? If I remember correctly, he already purchased the birthright, supplanted the brother during the blessings. By any means, we can say he is legitimately the first born!]: ‘Thus says your servant Jacob, “I have sojourned with Laban, and stayed until now; I have oxen and donkeys and flocks and male and female servants; and I have sent to tell my lord, that I may find favor in your sight [ is old Jake feeling remorse and at the same time apprehensive about meeting his brother whom, at their last encounter was overheard planning to kill him. It’s been 20years since he supplanted the brother, why would he think the brother has not forgiven him or is this an admission of guilt on his part but the scribe is intent on portraying Esau in bad light? ].”

The messengers returned[ how far is Esau from Jake’s location or are we being set up for something as I suspect?] to Jacob, saying, “We came to your brother Esau, and furthermore he is coming to meet you, and four hundred men are with him [are these his, Esau’s, slaves, friends, or soldiers? and why 400? Did the messengers of Jake have time to count or did Esau pass on this important information?].” Then Jacob was greatly afraid and distressed; and he divided the people who were with him, and the flocks and the herds and the camels, into two companies; for he said, “If Esau comes to the one company and attacks it, then the company which is left will escape [given this family’s love with deception, you can guess where Jake would want to be if he stayed to wait for the 400 strange men and his brother!].”

Jacob said, “O God of my father Abraham and God of my father Isaac, O Lord, who said to me, ‘Return to your country and to your relatives, and I will prosper you,’ 10 I am unworthy of all the loving kindness and of all the faithfulness which You have shown to Your servant; for with my staff only I crossed this Jordan, and now I have become two companies [the becoming two companies is deliberate on Jake’s part, why is he appealing to Abe’s god with it?]. 11 Deliver me, I pray, from the hand of my brother, from the hand of Esau; for I fear him [you have every reason to fear], that he will come and attack me and the mothers with the children. 12 For You said, ‘I will surely prosper you and make your descendants as the sand of the sea, which is too great to be numbered.’

13 So he spent the night there. Then he selected from what he had with him a present for his brother Esau: 14 two hundred female goats and twenty male goats, two hundred ewes and twenty rams, 15 thirty milking camels and their colts, forty cows and ten bulls, twenty female donkeys and ten male donkeys[ by any standard, Jake was a wealthy man, he could easily have had a small retinue of guards]. 16 He delivered them into the hand of his servants, every drove by itself, and said to his servants, “Pass on before me, and put a space between droves.” 17 He commanded the one in front, saying, “When my brother Esau meets you and asks you, saying, ‘To whom do you belong, and where are you going, and to whom do these animals in front of you belong [just asking, was this the normative greeting of the time? Why would Esau be interested in knowing who they were?] ?’ 18 then you shall say, ‘These belong to your servant Jacob; it is a present sent to my lord Esau. And behold, he also is behind us.’” 19 Then he commanded also the second and the third, and all those who followed the droves, saying, “After this manner you shall speak to Esau when you find him; 20 and you shall say, ‘Behold, your servant Jacob also is behind us.’” For he said, “I will appease him with the present that goes before me. Then afterward I will see his face; perhaps he will accept me.” 21 So the present passed on before him, while he himself spent that night in the camp [let us pause for a second, in the introductory verses, he has divided his flock into two camps and given the reason for the division, they can’t be close to each other. At the time he is diving the flock into droves, has he dissolved the camps or are they still in place? What distance is he putting between each group of droves? And combined with this question how far was Esau and his entourage?]

22 Now he arose that same night and took his two wives and his two maids and his eleven children[allow me list the names of the children so you could count for yourself and tell me who among them is missing. I have not read any report of a missing person so far; Reuben, Simeon, Levi, Judah, Issachar, Zebulun and Dinah by Leah, Joseph by Rachel, Gad and Asher by Zilpah and finally Dan and Naphtali by Bilhah], and crossed the ford of the Jabbok. 23 He took them and sent them across the stream. And he sent across whatever he had.

Jacob Wrestles

24 Then Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him until daybreak[ this I believe must be the longest wrestling match recorded or do the Judo wrestlers take longer? Anyone?] . 25 When he saw that he had not prevailed against him, he touched the socket of his thigh; so the socket of Jacob’s thigh was dislocated while he wrestled with him [since I have no experience of dislocating my thigh socket, can anyone share this experience and can it be just dislocated by touch? This information could be handy when am accosted by not very nice characters]. 26 Then he said, “Let me go, for the dawn is breaking.” But he said, “I will not let you go unless you bless me [ am honestly confused here, who is asking for blessings? Is it Jake or his wrestling opponent?].” 27 So he said to him, “What is your name?” And he said, “Jacob.” 28 He said, “Your name shall no longer be Jacob, but Israel; for you have striven with God and with men and have prevailed [take time for a good laugh, Jake has wrestled with god(s) and prevailed? Tell me dear reader, if you have been reading since we started, is this god omni-anything?].” 29 Then Jacob asked him and said, “Please tell me your name.” But he said, “Why is it that you ask my name?” And he blessed him there. 30 So Jacob named the place Peniel, for he said, “I have seen God face to face, yet my life has been preserved [keep this verse in memory, later we will be told by another scribe who I think is not aware of these verses that no one has seen god and lived. In yet another we shall be told no one has seen god! But don’t worry if you can’t remember, I will remind you when we get there.].” 31 Now the sun rose upon him just as he crossed over Penuel, and he was limping on his thigh [I don’t know how extensive the dislocation was, but given the location, would someone share how long it would take to heal and what amount of pain he could have been in? I have had a sprain and I can tell you, it hurt badly]. 32 Therefore, to this day the sons of Israel do not eat the sinew of the hip which is on the socket of the thigh, because he touched the socket of Jacob’s thigh in the sinew of the hip [flimsy reasons, methinks, for prohibitions].

Genesis 31

Jacob Leaves Secretly for Canaan

This chapter is overtly long so I will not say much in the manner of introduction except to mention that it is full of deception; Jacob deceiving his uncle/ father-in-law, Rachel deceiving the father, god being an accomplice in all the deception and an unbecoming behaviour of Laban  of constantly reneging on their arrangements with the son in law in regards to wages.

31 Now Jacob heard the words of Laban’s sons, saying, “Jacob has taken away all that was our father’s, and from what belonged to our father he has made all this wealth.” Jacob saw the attitude of Laban, and behold, it was not friendly toward him as formerly. Then the Lord said to Jacob, “Return to the land of your fathers and to your relatives, and I will be with you[ god being complacent/ an accomplice in deception of Laban by Jake].” So Jacob sent and called Rachel and Leah to his flock in the field, and said to them, “I see your father’s attitude, that it is not friendly toward me as formerly, but the God of my father has been with me. You know that I have served your father with all my strength. Yet your father has cheated me and changed my wages ten times; however, God did not allow him to hurt me[why wouldn’t god just stop the cheating in the first place?]. If he spoke thus, ‘The speckled shall be your wages,’ then all the flock brought forth speckled; and if he spoke thus, ‘The striped shall be your wages,’ then all the flock brought forth striped. Thus God has taken away your father’s livestock and given them to me. 10 And it came about at the time when the flock were mating that I lifted up my eyes and saw in a dream, and behold, the male goats which were mating were striped, speckled, and mottled. 11 Then the angel of God said to me in the dream, ‘Jacob,’ and I said, ‘Here I am.’ 12 He said, ‘Lift up now your eyes and see that all the male goats which are mating are striped, speckled, and mottled; for I have seen all that Laban has been doing to you[I want to wake from my dream and find I own a car]. 13 I am the God of  Bethel, where you anointed a pillar, where you made a vow to Me; now arise, leave this land, and return to the land of your birth.” 14 Rachel and Leah said to him, “Do we still have any portion or inheritance in our father’s house? 15 Are we not reckoned by him as foreigners? For he has sold us, and has also entirely consumed our purchase price[Interesting the daughters feel their father sold them for silver and has squandered all the proceeds]. 16 Surely all the wealth which God has taken away from our father belongs to us and our children; now then, do whatever God has said to you[ And coupled with this feeling of being sold, they feel justified in following Jake and leaving with all the property].”

17 Then Jacob arose and put his children and his wives upon camels[have told you already camels haven’t been domesticated yet. Where are the slave girls? Are they not worthy of mention?]; 18 and he drove away all his livestock and all his property which he had gathered, his acquired livestock which he had gathered in Paddan-aram, to go to the land of Canaan to his father Isaac. 19 When Laban had gone to shear his flock, then Rachel stole the household idols that were her father’s. 20 And Jacob deceived Laban the Aramean[ in the Hebraic roots bible, Laban is a Syrian, what I want to know is when did members of Abe’s family become Syrians?] by not telling him that he was fleeing. 21 So he fled with all that he had; and he arose and crossed the Euphrates[in other versions, the scribes appear to not know the name of the river] River, and set his face toward the hill country of Gilead.

Laban Pursues Jacob

22 When it was told Laban on the third day that Jacob had fled, 23 then he took his kinsmen with him and pursued him a distance of seven days’ journey, and he overtook him in the hill country of Gilead [there are confusing accounts of this, ie CJB, states …….and spent the next seven days pursuing Ya‘akov, overtaking him in the hill-country of Gil‘ad. So has he covered a distance of seven days or has he been pursued for 7 days? And as a measure of distance, what is the equivalent of a day’s journey?]. 24 God came to Laban the Aramean in a dream of the night and said to him, “Be careful that you do not speak to Jacob either good or bad [ I think basically this means don’t talk to the dude! ].”

25 Laban caught up with Jacob. Now Jacob had pitched his tent in the hill country, and Laban with his kinsmen camped in the hill country of Gilead. 26 Then Laban said to Jacob, “What have you done by deceiving me and carrying away my daughters like captives of the sword[ Laban, have you asked your daughters if they feel enslaved? Or as the adage goes, daughters were to be seen not heard?]? 27 Why did you flee secretly and deceive me, and did not tell me so that I might have sent you away with joy and with songs, with timbrel and with lyre; 28 and did not allow me to kiss my sons[ ok am confused, Jake has even taken Laban’s sons with him?] and my daughters ,your wives? Now you have done foolishly. 29 It is in my power to do you harm, but the God of your father spoke to me last night, saying, ‘Be careful not to speak either good or bad to Jacob [ Here Jake should heed the warning or he may get himself in trouble another time if god does not intervene, but am just asking is this not what Laban was prohibited to do or he doesn’t fear the god of Abe?].’ 30 Now you have indeed gone away because you longed greatly for your father’s house; but why did you steal my gods [ ah so Laban kept his god( other scribes, probably the P source calls them idols) in the house?]?” 31 Then Jacob replied to Laban, “Because I was afraid, for I thought that you would take your daughters from me by force [ what I never seem to understand in Abe’s family is their baseless fears! Jake has had the pleasure of making Laban’s daughters pregnant several times over, why would he want to take them back? If he didn’t want Jake to have them don’t you think he would have raised objections from the start?] . 32 The one with whom you find your gods shall not live [will they kill the guilty party here or how will this happen?]; in the presence of our kinsmen point out what is yours among my belongings and take it for yourself.” For Jacob did not know that Rachel had stolen them [If this is god inspired, how is it we don’t see him coming out to reveal to Laban who is the culprit or he doesn’t. care enough that he, Laban, gets his gods back?]

33 So Laban went into Jacob’s tent and into Leah’s tent and into the tent of the two maids [here we have a different scribe from the previous chapter, he forgets the maids had names and for all intents qualify as Jake’s wives!], but he did not find them. Then he went out of Leah’s tent and entered Rachel’s tent. 34 Now Rachel had taken the household idols and put them in the camel’s saddle, and she sat on them. And Laban felt through all the tent but did not find them. 35 She said to her father, “Let not my lord be angry that I cannot rise before you, for the manner of women is upon me.” So he searched but did not find the household idols [ cool liar we got here, how many times did she lie to Jake?].

36 Then Jacob became angry and contended with Laban; and he said Jacob said to Laban, “What is my transgression? What is my sin that you have hotly pursued me? 37 Though you have felt through all my goods [he has not felt Rachel’s camel, so this is false. He should have suspended judgement], what have you found of all your household goods? Set it here before my kinsmen and your kinsmen, that they may decide between us two. 38 These twenty years[ Jake is a few years shy of 100, he was 77 when joined Laban’s family and has stayed 20 more. He outlived his welcome a long time ago. Now i need to know how their relationship was; was he head slave or was he supervisor] I have been with you; your ewes and your female goats have not miscarried [how did he stop this from happening?], nor have I eaten the rams of your flocks. 39 That which was torn of beasts I did not bring to you; I bore the loss of it myself. You required it of my hand whether stolen by day or stolen by night. 40 Thus I was: by day the heat consumed me and the frost by night, and my sleep fled from my eyes [ Those must have been 20 sleepless years, I thought architecture school was hard! This is definitely on another level. I wonder where did he get time for the action with the four wives he had if he had to be with the goats 24/7?]. 41 These twenty years I have been in your house; I served you fourteen years for your two daughters and six years for your flock, and you changed my wages ten times. 42 If the God of my father, the God of Abraham, and the fear of Isaac [In other versions, it’s said the one Isaac fears, going to the same conclusion had made before that this god is specifically Abe’s god and anyone with contradictory evidence should show it!], had not been for me, surely now you would have sent me away empty-handed. God has seen my affliction and the toil of my hands, so He rendered judgment last night [Translated; if you have a problem with my stock, raise it up with most high, am blameless in this matter!].”

The Covenant of Mizpah

43 Then Laban replied to Jacob, “The daughters are my daughters, and the children are my children[ am confused, whose children were they again?], and the flocks are my flocks, and all that you see is mine. But what can I do this day to these my daughters or to their children whom they have borne? 44 So now come, let us make a covenant, you and I, and let it be a witness between you and me[ what is the point of this covenant anyway plus it goes against what he was told in the dream. Jake is not about to return a single goat and is determined to go back from whence he had come].” 45 Then Jacob took a stone and set it up as a pillar. 46 Jacob said to his kinsmen, “Gather stones.” So they took stones and made a heap, and they ate there by the heap. 47 Now Laban called it Jegar-sahadutha, but Jacob called it Galeed [guys guys, something doesn’t add up. Both call it heap of witness albeit in different languages. Question here is, did they share a common language or is there a translator employed? One is speaking Aramaic– a language I don’t think was in use at the time, and another Hebrew? ]. 48 Laban said, “This heap is a witness between you and me this day [ help me understand something, can a witness be anything other than a sane adult human being? How do stones witness?].” Therefore it was named Galeed, 49 and Mizpah [they have totally lost me here! Where does Mizpah come from and what does it mean], for he said, “May the Lord watch between you and me when we are absent one from the other. 50 If you mistreat my daughters, or if you take wives besides my daughters [I think had been overtaken by events unless the slave girls who are mothers to his sons are not counted as wives], although no man is with us, see, God[Laban’s god is Adonai] is witness between you and me.” 51 Laban said to Jacob, “Behold this heap and behold the pillar which I have set between you and me. 52 This heap is a witness, and the pillar is a witness, that I will not pass by this heap to you for harm, and you will not pass by this heap and this pillar to me, for harm. 53 The God of Abraham and the God of Nahor, the God of their father, judge between us.” So Jacob swore by the fear of his father Isaac. 54 Then Jacob offered a sacrifice on the mountain, and called his kinsmen to the meal; and they ate the meal and spent the night on the mountain. 55 Early in the morning Laban arose, and kissed his sons and his daughters and blessed them. Then Laban departed and returned to his place [he left as he had come, with nothing except kisses].

Genesis 27

Jacob’s Deception

27 Now it came about, when Isaac was old and his eyes were too dim to see[ am just proposing that the eyes could be too dim but he ain’t blind and definitely his ears are ok!], that he called his older son Esau and said to him, “My son.” And he said to him, “Here I am.” Isaac said, “Behold now, I am old and I do not know the day of my death. Now then, please take your gear, your quiver and your bow, and go out to the field and hunt game for me; and prepare a savory dish for me such as I love, and bring it to me that I may eat, so that my soul may bless you before I die[ after having wasted 2 chapters on the fictitious character he is again given a duty to do. Now if I may what has food got to do with offering blessings? And as old man why not call his two sons together? Is he senile as well? Still on the same issue, why has Esau be the one to prepare him food and he, Ike, is still married. And why would one person require a whole game?].”

Rebekah was listening while Isaac spoke to his son Esau. So when Esau went to the field to hunt for game to bring home, Rebekah said to her son Jacob[ on a side note, how is one Ike’s son and the other Rebekah’s? Are the two not the parents of the twins?], “Behold, I heard your father speak to your brother Esau, saying, ‘Bring me some game and prepare a savory dish for me, that I may eat, and bless you in the presence of the Lord before my death.’ Now therefore, my son, listen to me as I command you. Go now to the flock and bring me two choice young goats from there, that I may prepare them as a savory dish for your father, such as he loves[ two goats for a single dish? please spare me!].

10 Then you shall bring it to your father, that he may eat, so that he may bless you before his death.” 11 Jacob answered his mother Rebekah, “Behold, Esau my brother is a hairy man and I am a smooth man. 12 Perhaps my father will feel me, then I will be as a deceiver in his sight, and I will bring upon myself a curse and not a blessing.” 13 But his mother said to him, “Your curse be on me[ women always taking blame], my son; only obey my voice, and go, get them for me.” 14 So he went and got them, and brought them to his mother; and his mother made savory food such as his father loved[ how long did this whole exercise take? Unless old Ike is also dumb, before Esau goes hunting, comes back, skins the animal and makes a savory bowl, it would be almost half a day. So did the scribes take this into account to make it plausible that when Jacob goes to see the father, enough time shall have passed?]. 15 Then Rebekah took the best garments of Esau her elder son, which were with her in the house, and put them on Jacob her younger son. 16 And she put the skins of the young goats on his hands and on the smooth part of his neck[ Are you telling me, Ike’s nose cannot detect the smell of raw meat or rather the blood on Jacob’s dressing?]. 17 She also gave the savory food and the bread, which she had made, to her son Jacob.

18 Then he came to his father and said, “My father.” And he said, “Here I am. Who are you, my son[ is it possible that old Ike cannot differentiate the voices of his sons? We can allow him to be blind but please, voices? I refuse to believe this!]?” 19 Jacob said to his father, “I am Esau your firstborn; I have done as you told me. Get up, please, sit and eat of my game, that you may bless me.” 20 Isaac said to his son, “How is it that you have it so quickly, my son?” And he said, “Because the Lord your God caused it to happen to me[ god has become partner to a crime. Do I hear any objections your honour?].” 21 Then Isaac said to Jacob, “Please come close, that I may feel you, my son, whether you are really my son Esau or not.” 22 So Jacob came close to Isaac his father, and he felt him and said, “The voice is the voice of Jacob, but the hands are the hands of Esau.” 23 He did not recognize him, because his hands were hairy like his brother Esau’s hands[ tell me, apart from being hairy, Esau’s skin must have felt like that of a goat, hard I mean or else how is it that old Ike doesn’t find the patchwork unreal!]; so he blessed him. 24 And he said, “Are you really my son Esau[he has done a body check and proffered blessings, the question is redundant at this point.]?” And he said, “I am.” 25 So he said, “Bring it to me, and I will eat of my son’s game, that I may bless you.” And he brought it to him, and he ate; he also brought him wine and he drank. 26 Then his father Isaac[is it necessary to say his father Isaac, isn’t this obvious?] said to him, “Please come close and kiss me, my son.” 27 So he came close and kissed him; and when he smelled the smell of his garments, he blessed him and said,

“See, the smell of my son
Is like the smell of a field which the Lord has blessed[really, not the smell of a freshly butchered goat? since that is what I would have smelt];
28 Now may God give you of the dew of heaven,
And of the fatness of the earth,
And an abundance of grain and new wine[ I love old Ike, wine is important if the kingdom is to be run well];
29 May peoples serve you[why should this be the case? Why not implore him to serve others?],
And nations bow down to you;
Be master of your brothers[hold it, who are the other brothers? I thought they were only two sons?],
And may your mother’s sons bow down to you[why promote such servitude?].
Cursed be those who curse you,
And blessed be those who bless you.”

The Stolen Blessing

30 Now it came about, as soon as Isaac had finished blessing Jacob,

Jacob supplants his brother Esau to receive blessings for old and blind Ike

and Jacob had hardly gone out from the presence of Isaac his father, that Esau his brother came in from his hunting. 31 Then he also made savory food, and brought it to his father; and he said to his father, “Let my father arise and eat of his son’s game, that you may bless me.” 32 Isaac his father said to him[I don’t get it! Was someone just trying to give Ike flesh? I don’t get the point why they have to repeat Ike his father, we already know!], “Who are you?” And he said, “I am your son, your firstborn, Esau.” 33 Then Isaac trembled violently[why should this be so? Is he short of blessings?], and said, “Who was he then that hunted game and brought it to me, so that I ate of all of it before you came, and blessed him? Yes, and he shall be blessed.34 When Esau heard the words of his father, he cried out with an exceedingly great and bitter cry, and said to his father, “Bless me, even me also, O my father!” 35 And he said, “Your brother came deceitfully and has taken away your blessing.” 36 Then he said, “Is he not rightly named Jacob, for he has supplanted me these two times? He took away my birthright[if i remember correctly, it was a fair exchange. You sold your birthright!], and behold, now he has taken away my blessing.” And he said, “Have you not reserved a blessing for me[did you just have one blessing?]?” 37 But Isaac replied to Esau, “Behold, I have made him your master, and all his relatives[without consultation? Old Ike by any means is autocratic!] I have given to him as servants; and with grain and new wine I have sustained him[and why should a blessing involve enslaving others?]. Now as for you then, what can I do, my son?” 38 Esau said to his father, “Do you have only one blessing, my father[ a honest question by Esau!, The old man should just go back to the bag of blessings and dish another one out!]? Bless me, even me also, O my father.” So Esau lifted his voice and wept.

39 Then Isaac his father answered and said to him,

“Behold, away from the fertility of the earth shall be your dwelling,
And away from the dew of heaven from above[ Why make it difficult for Jacob to have a simpler life? Why curse him? It ain’t his fault he came late! By any means, if Ike was short of blessings he should just have withdrawn the ones bestowed on Esau].
40 “By your sword you shall live,
And your brother you shall serve[ remember this verse folks, we may have to revisit it later];
But it shall come about when you become restless,
That you will break his yoke from your neck.”

41 So Esau bore a grudge against Jacob because of the blessing with which his father had blessed him; and Esau said to himself, “The days of mourning for my father are near; then I will kill my brother Jacob.” 42 Now when the words of her elder son Esau were reported to Rebekah, she sent and called her younger son Jacob, and said to him, “Behold your brother Esau is consoling himself concerning you by planning to kill you. 43 Now therefore, my son, obey my voice, and arise, flee to Haran, to my brother Laban![would not have been much easier for the mother to come clean on her part? Earlier she was ready to take responsibility, but I think if it involves death, nah, let it pass!] 44 Stay with him a few days, until your brother’s fury subsides, 45 until your brother’s anger against you subsides and he forgets what you did to him. Then I will send and get you from there. Why should I be bereaved of you both in one day[this statement implies impending death at least of Ike and a real threat to Jacob. We will see how many more bowls Ike had before he quit.]?”

46 Rebekah said to Isaac, “I am tired of living because of the daughters of Heth; if Jacob takes a wife from the daughters of Heth, like these, from the daughters of the land, what good will my life be to me[Abe’s progeny just like the old patriarch do not love their neighbors, why this is so not the point of this blog, but is for historians to address.]?”

Genesis 26

Isaac Settles in Gerar

Friends, here again we are presented with an incredible story of our fictitious character Isaac. As I had said in the previous chapter, this fellow is useless and like his father, pimps his wife in the pretext she is beautiful and he maybe killed for it. Now before you start hurling stones in my direction, why would the story of Ike be similar to that Abe from the point of meeting Abimelech unless it is the work of a fabricator trying to give a character flesh and failing badly!

26 Now there was a famine in the land, besides the previous famine that had occurred in the days of Abraham. So Isaac went to Gerar, to Abimelech [I need help here, how old was this guy when he became king? Abe pimped his wife/sister and is dead and burried and now 40+ old Isaac has paid him a visit too] king of the Philistines. The Lord appeared to him[Isaac] and said, “Do not go down to Egypt [I guess the Pharaoh wouldn’t have welcomed them knowing they are progeny of old Abe the pimp]; stay in the land of which I shall tell you. Sojourn in this land and I will be with you and bless you, for to you and to your descendants I will give all these lands, and I will establish the oath which I swore to your father Abraham. I will multiply your descendants as the stars of heaven, and will give your descendants all these lands; and by your descendants all the nations of the earth shall be blessed; because Abraham obeyed Me and kept My charge, My commandments, My statutes and My laws [If anyone has an inkling to what these statutes, laws and commandments are, please share your notes, I mean we are all learning something, aren’t we?].”

So Isaac lived in Gerar. When the men of the place asked about his wife, he said, “She is my sister/cousin,” for he was afraid to say, “my wife,” thinking, “the men of the place might kill [do people kill so easily? Were the men here so barbaric they would kill a man for having a wife! C’mon, give us something better!] me on account of Rebekah, for she is beautiful.” It came about, when he had been there a long time, that Abimelech king of the Philistines looked out through a window[he must have been on 2nd floor balcony with blinds drawn before], and saw, and behold, Isaac was caressing his wife Rebekah [must have been a case of public display of affection, cuddling in the park I guess]. Then Abimelech called Isaac and said, “Behold, certainly she is your wife! How then did you say, ‘She is my sister’?” And Isaac said to him, “Because I said, ‘I might die on account of her.’” 10 Abimelech said, “What is this you have done to us? One of the people might easily have lain with your wife [is it that easy? there’s no consent required?], and you would have brought guilt upon us.” 11 So Abimelech charged all the people, saying, “He who touches this man or his wife shall surely be put to death [There are two possibilities here, that either the scribe has taken the story of Abe and inserted Ike and Rebekah in place of Abe/ Sarah or this family is so alike in mannerisms or lack thereof!].”

12 Now Isaac sowed in that land and reaped in the same year a hundredfold. And the Lord blessed him, 13 and the man became rich, and continued to grow richer until he became very wealthy; 14 for he had possessions of flocks and herds and a great household, so that the Philistines envied him [Please tell me, how are the Philistines doing it wrong such that their land ain’t producing as much? Or is Abe’s god interfering in human affairs for selfish reasons?] . 15 Now all the wells which his father’s servants had dug in the days of Abraham his father, the Philistines stopped up by filling them with earth [why would anyone be filling up wells in an otherwise arid country? Somethings just don’t make sense]. 16 Then Abimelech said to Isaac, “Go away from us, for you are too powerful for us.” 17 And Isaac departed from there and camped in the valley of Gerar, and settled there [ think about it rationally just for once, yes just once, at the begining we are told Abimelech is king, so he must have some standing army and a territory, how then could a single family be so powerful for a king that he couldn’t throw them into some goulag?].

Quarrel over the Wells

18 Then Isaac dug again the wells of water which had been dug in the days of his father Abraham, for the Philistines had stopped them up after the death of Abraham; and he gave them the same names which his father had given them

Could this be the well Ike and group are fighting over

. 19 But when Isaac’s servants dug in the valley and found there a well of flowing water, 20 the herdsmen of Gerar quarreled with the herdsmen of Isaac, saying, “The water is ours!” So he named the well Esek, because they contended with him. 21 Then they dug another well, and they quarreled over it too, so he named it Sitnah. 22 He moved away from there and dug another well, and they did not quarrel over it; so he named it Rehoboth, for he said, “At last the Lord has made room for us, and we will be fruitful in the land [what i don’t follow her; he digs the wells and gives them the same names his daddy had given but we are still told he gave them other names. That aside, nowhere have I seen people filling up wells, I have heard of conflicts on available resources but not once have I heard a group of people, living in a desert for that matter fill up wells].”

23 Then he went up from there to Beersheba [you remember this place don’t you? Hagar roams here and Abe gives it a name later when it already has one]. 24 The Lord appeared to him the same night and said,

“I am the God of your father Abraham;
Do not fear, for I am with you.
I will bless you, and multiply your descendants,
For the sake of My servant Abraham [ For the last time, I insist and if anyone has dissenting opinion, that anyone who worships the Abrahamic god is deluded. He is Abe’s personal god and it’s even evident in his interactions with others. He says he is the god of Abe not the person’s god!].”

25 So he built an altar there and called upon the name of the Lord, and pitched his tent there; and there Isaac’s servants dug a well.

Covenant with Abimelech

26 Then Abimelech came to him from Gerar with his adviser Ahuzzath and Phicol the commander of his army. 27 Isaac said to them, “Why have you come to me, since you hate me and have sent me away from you?” 28 They said, “We see plainly that the Lord has been with you; so we said, ‘Let there now be an oath between us, even between you and us, and let us make a covenant with you, 29 that you will do us no harm, just as we have not touched you and have done to you nothing but good and have sent you away in peace. You are now the blessed of the Lord.’” 30 Then he made them a feast, and they ate and drank. 31 In the morning they arose early and exchanged oaths; then Isaac sent them away and they departed from him in peace. 32 Now it came about on the same day, that Isaac’s servants came in and told him about the well which they had dug, and said to him, “We have found water.” 33 So he called it Shibah; therefore the name of the city is Beersheba to this day[ this is the story of Abe, so nuff said].

34 When Esau was forty years old he married Judith the daughter of Beeri the Hittite, and Basemath the daughter of Elon the Hittite; 35 and they brought grief to Isaac and Rebekah[This last verse doesn’t fit unless it is to take Ike out of the picture!].

Genesis 25

Abraham’s Death

In this chapter, though titled Abe’s death, should actually get a new title. I will think of an appropriate one. We have Isaac, Abe’s progeny doing absolutely nothing. We nothing of him other than being the father of Jacob and Esau. So I can say with all confidence, nothing would be lost if Isaac didn’t show up except Abe would not have someone to try to kill and there would be no Jacob. Isaac for all intents and purposes is a useless character. He has no traits, does nothing important and doesn’t even meet with his daddy’s god! What a shame.

Enough said, let the journey continue:

25 Now Abraham took another wife, whose name was Keturah[ In the previous chapter, we are told honest Abe was old, advanced in age. How is it that 67 verses later he has a wife and 6 children to boot! Did they have Viagra then? ]. She bore to him Zimran and Jokshan and Medan and Midian and Ishbak and Shuah. Jokshan became the father of Sheba and Dedan. And the sons of Dedan were Asshurim and Letushim and Leummim. The sons of Midian were Ephah and Epher and Hanoch and Abida and Eldaah. All these were the sons of Keturah. Now Abraham gave all that he had to Isaac; but to the sons of his concubines[ I knew only of Hagar whom he chased away, were there others who the scribes chose not to tell us?], Abraham gave gifts while he was still living, and sent them away from his son Isaac eastward, to the land of the east[there is something east about biblical migrations! They never go west. That aside, we know nothing of Isaac, is he those characters a writer creates to fill a blank no more no less!].

These are all the years of Abraham’s life that he lived, one hundred and seventy-five years. Abraham breathed his last and died in a ripe old age, an old man and satisfied with life[ I agree he had a good one, pimping his sister/wife on two occasions, having concubines as we have come to learn and having visitations from most high for bread. What more would a person ask for?] ; and he was gathered to his people. Then his sons Isaac and Ishmael [the scribe here ain’t aware that Isaac has gone east, wherever that is, and Ishamel since being sent away hasn’t returned. How could god forget to tell the scribes this?] buried him in the cave of Machpelah, in the field of Ephron the son of Zohar the Hittite, facing Mamre, 10 the field which Abraham purchased from the sons of Heth; there Abraham was buried with Sarah his wife. 11 It came about after the death of Abraham, that God blessed his son Isaac; and Isaac lived by Beer-lahai-roi.

Descendants of Ishmael

12 Now these are the records of the generations of Ishmael, Abraham’s son, whom Hagar the Egyptian, Sarah’s maid, bore to Abraham; 13 and these are the names of the sons of Ishmael, by their names, in the order of their birth: Nebaioth, the firstborn of Ishmael, and Kedar and Adbeel and Mibsam 14 and Mishma and Dumah and Massa, 15 Hadad and Tema, Jetur, Naphish and Kedemah. 16 These are the sons of Ishmael and these are their names, by their villages, and by their camps; twelve princes according to their tribes[wait a minute, 12 sons with different tribes? Now can someone explain what is going on here? If the repetition here was poetic, it would have been interesting to read!]. 17 These are the years of the life of Ishmael, one hundred and thirty-seven years; and he breathed his last and died, and was gathered to his people. 18 They settled from Havilah to Shur which is east of Egypt as one goes toward Assyria; he settled in defiance of all his relatives[why would he have to defy his relatives? this verse here doesn’t make sense, unless the scribe is setting us up for a future in Egypt].

Isaac’s Sons

19 Now these are the records of the generations of Isaac, Abraham’s son: Abraham became the father of Isaac; 20 and Isaac was forty years old when he took Rebekah[his cousin], the daughter of Bethuel the Aramean of Paddan-aram, the sister of Laban the Aramean, to be his wife. 21 Isaac prayed to the Lord on behalf of his wife, because she was barren[maybe it’s Isaac who was impotent, who knows? why put the blame on the lady?] ; and the Lord answered him and Rebekah his wife conceived. 22 But the children struggled together within her; and she said, “If it is so, why then am I this way?” So she went to inquire of the Lord[ too bad they didn’t have CAT scans then, she would have easily have seen her gynae].

23 The Lord said to her,

“Two nations[how? ] are in your womb;
And two peoples will be separated from your body;
And one people shall be stronger than the other;
And the older shall serve the younger[Abe’s god with servitude].”

24 When her days to be delivered were fulfilled, behold, there were twins in her womb. 25 Now the first came forth red, all over like a ha

Esau must be the missing link evolutionary biologists have been trying to find.

iry garment[ tell me another, but am not buying a hairy baby]; and they named him Esau. 26 Afterward his brother came forth with his hand holding on to Esau’s heel, so his name was called Jacob; and Isaac was sixty years old when she gave birth to them.

27 When the boys grew up, Esau became a skillful hunter, a man of the field, but Jacob was a peaceful man, living in tents. 28 Now Isaac loved Esau, because he had a taste for game, but Rebekah loved Jacob. 29 When Jacob had cooked stew, Esau came in from the field and he was famished; 30 and Esau said to Jacob, “Please let me have a swallow of that red stuff there, for I am famished.” Therefore his name was called Edom. 31 But Jacob said, “First sell me your birthright.” 32 Esau said, “Behold, I am about to die; so of what use then is the birthright to me?” 33 And Jacob said, “First swear to me”; so he swore to him, and sold his birthright to Jacob.

34 Then Jacob gave Esau bread and lentil stew; and he ate and drank, and rose and went on his way. Thus Esau despised his birthright[this exchange rate is the best. I would want to buy a Ferrari at this rate].

Genesis 24

A Bride for Isaac

Friends, this chapter is quite long, a total of 67 chapters so we may not delve deeply into many issues in it. However, it is important to note that as Abraham married his sister, Lot sleeping with his daughters, Isaac will marry his cousin, Rebekah who you remember was introduced towards the end of the previous chapter.

24 Now Abraham was old, advanced in age; and the Lord had blessed Abraham in every way. Abraham said to his servant, the oldest of his household, who had charge of all that he owned, “Please place your hand under my thigh[don’t worry, the bible wasn’t written yet so they couldn’t swear with their hands on the bible], and I will make you swear by the Lord, the God of heaven and the God of earth, that you shall not take a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites[This is what we call today negative ethnicity. These guys have housed you, given you land and you still show such disdain?], among whom I live, but you will go to my country and to my relatives[ Relatives here is important as we shall later find out. They give new meaning to the phrase “a family that prays together stays together”], and take a wife for my son Isaac.” The servant said to him, “Suppose the woman is not willing to follow me to this land; should I take your son back to the land from where you came?” Then Abraham said to him, “Beware that you do not take my son back there![Is old Abe wanted back home for some crime? Why the hesitation about Isaac going back? Just to refresh your memory, Abe didn’t go back home after the attempted murder of Isaac, could this be the reason he doesn’t want Isaac to go back since they may easily ask him where the old man has taken refuge?]

The Lord, the God of heaven, who took me from my father’s house and from the land of my birth, and who spoke to me and who swore to me, saying, ‘To your descendants I will give this land,’ He will send His angel before you, and you will take a wife for my son from there. But if the woman is not willing to follow you, then you will be free from this my oath; only do not take my son back there.” So the servant placed his hand under the thigh of Abraham his master, and swore to him concerning this matter[Under the circumstances, it would not be easier for Abe to ask his god just to send the damsel, instead of giving his head slave such a daunting task?].

10 Then the servant took ten camels from the camels[my friend tells me, that Abe must have been ahead of his time, camels are not domesticated till 1000yrs after he supposedly lived!] of his master, and set out with a variety of good things of his master’s in his hand; and he arose and went to Mesopotamia, to the city of Nahor. 11 He made the camels kneel down outside the city by the well of water at evening time, the time when women go out to draw water. 12 He said, “O Lord, the God of my master Abraham[I have always said this is Abe’s personal god. Nothing more, nothing less!], please grant me success today, and show loving kindness to my master Abraham. 13 Behold, I am standing by the spring, and the daughters of the men of the city are coming out to draw water; 14 now may it be that the girl to whom I say, ‘Please let down your jar so that I may drink,’ and who answers, ‘Drink, and I will water your camels also’—may she be the one whom You have appointed for Your servant Isaac; and by this I will know that You have shown loving kindness to my master[Is this a report of after the event, or a prophesy? Could the scribe be telling us what happened somewhere else?].”

Rebekah Is Chosen

15 Before he had finished speaking, behold, Rebekah[who is Isaac’s cousin] who was born to Bethuel the son of Milcah, the wife of Abraham’s brother Nahor, came out with her jar on her shoulder. 16 The girl was very beautiful, a virgin[please allow me to ask, what is the obsession of virgins and two how does he know this and they haven’t spoken?], and no man had had relations with her; and she went down to the spring and filled her jar and came up. 17 Then the servant ran to meet her, and said, “Please let me drink a little water from your jar.” 18 She said, “Drink, my lord”; and she quickly lowered her jar to her hand, and gave him a drink. 19 Now when she had finished giving him a drink, she said, “I will draw also for your camels until they have finished drinking[Am not going to do the math here, but am told it would have taken the girl the whole day to water the camels to their fill. Now nowhere in the good book are we told someone came to look for her! Something just doesn’t add up].” 20 So she quickly emptied her jar into the trough, and ran back to the well to draw, and she drew for all his camels[Lets consider this for a moment, shall we, you have been sent to draw water maybe for cooking or whatever domestic use, you get a guy close to the well and asks for water to drink, are you going to give him water and top of that water his camels? This I tell you is the work of fiction!]. 21 Meanwhile, the man was gazing at her in silence, to know whether the Lord had made his journey successful or not

Rebekah giving Abe’s head slave a pitcher of water to drink


22 When the camels had finished drinking, the man took a gold ring weighing a half-shekel and two bracelets for her wrists[try doing that today to a lady you have just met if you’ll not spend a day or two in a state lodge somewhere with the dregs of society] weighing ten shekels in gold, 23 and said, “Whose daughter are you? Please tell me, is there room for us to lodge in your father’s house?” 24 She said to him, “I am the daughter of Bethuel[House of god], the son of Milcah, whom she bore to Nahor.” 25 Again she said to him, “We have plenty of both straw and feed, and room to lodge in[There is no way, then or now that a lady of her age would make such an offer without consulting the father. Remember also as I have pointed out before, women are only named in this good book if there is a plot for them otherwise we we are just told women, daughters, sisters , they are to all my knowledge nameless!].” 26 Then the man bowed low and worshiped the Lord. 27 He said, “Blessed be the Lord, the God of my master Abraham, who has not forsaken His loving kindness and His truth toward my master; as for me, the Lord has guided me in the way to the house of my master’s brothers.”

28 Then the girl ran and told her mother’s household about these things. 29 Now Rebekah had a brother whose name was Laban; and Laban ran outside to the man at the spring. 30 When he saw the ring and the bracelets on his sister’s wrists, and when he heard the words of Rebekah his sister, saying, “This is what the man said to me,” he went to the man; and behold, he was standing by the camels at the spring. 31 And he said, “Come in, blessed of the Lord! Why do you stand outside since I have prepared the house, and a place for the camels[Please spare me, she has just reported the incident, when did they get time to prepare for the camels? And she is not even reprimanded for being away the whole day?]” 32 So the man entered the house. Then Laban unloaded the camels, and he gave straw and feed to the camels, and water to wash his feet and the feet of the men who were with him. 33 But when food was set before him to eat, he said, “I will not eat until I have told my business.” And he said, “Speak on.” 34 So he said, “I am Abraham’s servant. 35 The Lord has greatly blessed my master, so that he has become rich; and He has given him flocks and herds, and silver and gold, and servants and maids, and camels and donkeys[laying a case for Abe. This head slave should be a business negotiator]. 36 Now Sarah my master’s wife bore a son to my master in her old age, and he has given him all that he has. 37 My master made me swear, saying, ‘You shall not take a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites, in whose land I live; 38 but you shall go to my father’s house and to my relatives, and take a wife for my son.’ 39 I said to my master, ‘Suppose the woman does not follow me.’ 40 He said to me, ‘The Lord, before whom I have walked, will send His angel with you to make your journey successful, and you will take a wife for my son from my relatives and from my father’s house; 41 then you will be free from my oath, when you come to my relatives; and if they do not give her to you, you will be free from my oath[why had he to repeat the whole conversation with Abe making this chapter unnecessarily long?].’

42 “So I came today to the spring, and said, ‘O Lord, the God of my master Abraham, if now You will make my journey on which I go successful; 43 behold, I am standing by the spring, and may it be that the maiden who comes out to draw, and to whom I say, “Please let me drink a little water from your jar”; 44 and she will say to me, “You drink, and I will draw for your camels also”; let her be the woman whom the Lord has appointed for my master’s son.’


45 “Before I had finished speaking in my heart, behold, Rebekah came out with her jar on her shoulder, and went down to the spring and drew, and I said to her, ‘Please let me drink.’ 46 She quickly lowered her jar from her shoulder, and said, ‘Drink, and I will water your camels also’; so I drank, and she watered the camels also. 47 Then I asked her, and said, ‘Whose daughter are you?’ And she said, ‘The daughter of Bethuel, Nahor’s son, whom Milcah bore to him’; and I put the ring on her nose, and the bracelets on her wrists. 48 And I bowed low and worshiped the Lord, and blessed the Lord, the God of my master Abraham, who had guided me in the right way to take the daughter of my master’s kinsman for his son. 49 So now if you are going to deal kindly and truly with my master, tell me; and if not, let me know, that I may turn to the right hand or the left.”

50 Then Laban and Bethuel replied, “The matter comes from the Lord; so we cannot speak to you bad or good. 51 Here is Rebekah before you, take her and go, and let her be the wife of your master’s son, as the Lord has spoken[Bethuel must know that he is related to old Abe, unless incest was sanctioned from above, they would have raised objections.].”

52 When Abraham’s servant heard their words, he bowed himself to the ground before the Lord. 53 The servant brought out articles of silver and articles of gold, and garments, and gave them to Rebekah; he also gave precious things to her brother and to her mother. 54 Then he and the men who were with him ate and drank and spent the night. When they arose in the morning, he said, “Send me away to my master.” 55 But her brother and her mother said, “Let the girl stay with us a few days, say ten; afterward she may go.” 56 He said to them, “Do not delay me, since the Lord has prospered my way. Send me away that I may go to my master.” 57 And they said, “We will call the girl and consult her wishes.” 58 Then they called Rebekah and said to her, “Will you go with this man?” And she said, “I will go[how was she going to refuse! The family has already accepted the gifts and made the decision for her. So it is superfluous to say they asked for her opinion on the matter!].” 59 Thus they sent away their sister Rebekah and her nurse with Abraham’s servant and his men.

60 They blessed Rebekah and said to her,

“May you, our sister,
Become thousands of ten thousands,
And may your descendants possess
The gate of those who hate them.”

61 Then Rebekah arose with her maids, and they mounted the camels and followed the man. So the servant took Rebekah and departed.

Isaac Marries Rebekah

62 Now Isaac had come from going to Beer-lahai-roi; for he was living in the Negev. 63 Isaac went out to meditate in the field toward evening; and he lifted up his eyes and looked, and behold, camels were coming. 64 Rebekah lifted up her eyes, and when she saw Isaac she dismounted from the camel. 65 She said to the servant, “Who is that man walking in the field to meet us?” And the servant said, “He is my master[the son of your master is still your master! Oh slavery!].” Then she took her veil and covered herself. 66 The servant told Isaac all the things that he had done. 67 Then Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah’s tent, and he took Rebekah[his first cousin], and she became his wife, and he loved her; thus Isaac was comforted after his mother’s death.

Genesis 23

Death and Burial of Sarah

23 Now Sarah lived one hundred and twenty-seven years; these were the years of the life of Sarah.Sarah died in

Sarah’s burrial

Kiriath-arba (that is, Hebron) in the land of Canaan; and Abraham went in to mourn for Sarah and to weep for her[ From the time of Isaac’s almost slaughter, a period of 27 years, to now there is no record of Abe paying Sarah a visit. The divorce court must have been nasty!].

Then Abraham rose from before his dead, and spoke to the sons of Heth, saying, “I am a stranger and a sojourner among you; give me a burial site among you that I may bury my dead out of my sight.” The sons of Heth answered Abraham, saying to him, “Hear us, my lord, you are a mighty prince among us; bury your dead in the choicest of our graves; none of us will refuse you his grave for burying your dead[ Even in death Sarah can still be pimped! I like honest Abe, true to himself].”

So Abraham rose and bowed to the people of the land, the sons of Heth. And he spoke with them, saying, “If it is your wish for me to bury my dead out of my sight, hear me, and approach Ephron the son of Zohar for me, that he may give me the cave of Machpelah which he owns, which is at the end of his field; for the full price let him give it to me in your presence for a burial site[ A friend of mine who has done a more indepth study tells me, this transaction here is important in the sense it gives his descendants a legitimate land rights, albeit a small piece for that matter in the land they will claim later on to have been promised them by Abe’s god.].”

10 Now Ephron was sitting among the sons of Heth; and Ephron the Hittite answered Abraham in the hearing of the sons of Heth; even of all who went in at the gate of his city, saying, 11 “No, my lord, hear me; I give you the field, and I give you the cave that is in it. In the presence of the sons of my people I give it to you; bury your dead.” 12 And Abraham bowed before the people of the land. 13 He spoke to Ephron in the hearing of the people of the land, saying, “If you will only please listen to me; I will give the price of the field, accept it from me that I may bury my dead there.”

14 Then Ephron answered Abraham, saying to him, 15 “My lord, listen to me; a piece of land worth four hundred shekels of silver, what is that between me and you? So bury your dead.” 16 Abraham listened to Ephron; and Abraham weighed out for Ephron the silver which he had named in the hearing of the sons of Heth, four hundred shekels of silver, commercial standard.

17 So Ephron’s field, which was in Machpelah, which faced Mamre, the field and cave which was in it, and all the trees which were in the field, that were within all the confines of its border, were deeded over 18 to Abraham for a possession in the presence of the sons of Heth, before all who went in at the gate of his city. 19 After this, Abraham buried Sarah his wife in the cave of the field at Machpelah facing Mamre (that is, Hebron) in the land of Canaan. 20 So the field and the cave that is in it, were deeded over to Abraham for a burial site by the sons of Heth [Abe seems not to put much faith in his god any way. In an earlier chapter, he is promised descendants that would outnumber the stars and he asks how can this be, while at it, he makes Hagar pregnant just in case his god does not deliver on the promise. Here we see him trying to buy and while he had been promised land for his descendants who would outnumber the sand in the beaches!].

Genesis 22

The Offering of Isaac 

This chapter has been used by adherents to the Abrahamic religions to validate Abraham as the father of faith by agreeing to sacrifice his son. But I find a moral problem with this chapter; Abraham doesn’t raise objections to this outrageous order he assumes must have come from his god. He doesn’t tell Sarah, the boys mother and deceives the young man to the end of this harrowing episode. He then separates from Sarah, maybe she filed divorce papers! How does young Isaac live cope with this trauma? Is he able to grow up as a normal child having such a horrid memory of almost being BBQed?

22 Now it came about after these things, that God tested Abraham, and said to him, “Abraham!” And he said, “Here I am.” He said, “Take now your son, your only son, whom you love, Isaac, and go to the land of Moriah, and offer him there as a burnt offering[ so far I haven’t been offered a plausible explanation why Abe’s god loved BBQ] on one of the mountains of which I will tell you.” So Abraham rose early in the morning and saddled his donkey, and took two of his young men with him and Isaac his son; and he split wood for the burnt offering, and arose and went to the place of which God had told him[which mountain? Why didn’t Abe wake Sarah up? Don’t you think she could have found this order outrageous and maybe even told Abe’s god some piece of her mind? I certainly would have uttered a few expletives!].

On the third day Abraham raised his eyes and saw the place from a distance. Abraham said to his young men, “Stay here with the donkey, and I and the lad will go over there; and we will worship and return to you[someone tell me Abe is not a liar and deceiver? Why doesn’t he tell the men his true purpose of making them leave in the wee hours?].” Abraham took the wood of the burnt offering and laid it on Isaac his son, and he took in his hand the fire and the knife[If the idea of making a sacrifice of him isn’t enough he is to carry the firewood for making him BBQ! It’s like a cow carrying a knife to the slaughter]. So the two of them walked on together. Isaac spoke to Abraham his father and said, “My father!” And he said, “Here I am, my son.” And he said, “Behold, the fire and the wood, but where is the lamb for the burnt offering?” Abraham said, “God will provide for Himself the lamb for the burnt offering, my son[Abe, why not tell your son the truth? ].” So the two of them walked on together.

Then they came to the place of which God had told him; and Abraham built the altar there and arranged the wood, and bound his son Isaac and laid him on the altar, on top of the wood[Abe is quite old at this time, are you suggesting Isaac just stood there without offering any resistance seeing the intention of the old man?]. 10 Abraham stretched out his hand and took the knife to slay his son[ I want to be told if this is not blind obedience? Even now in law you can’t say you were following an order from a higher authority. You have individual responsibility to do what is right unless we excuse Abe from such high standard we have set for ourselves. If then we must excuse Abraham, he can’t be the father of faith, for he fails a moral test on this one! Preservation of life!]. 11 But the angel of the Lord called to him from heaven and said, “Abraham, Abraham!” And he said, “Here I am.”12 He said, “Do not stretch out your hand against the lad,

Sacrificing Isaac

and do nothing to him; for now I know that you fear God, since you have not withheld your son, your only son, from Me.” 13 Then Abraham raised his eyes and looked, and behold, behind him a ram caught in the thicket by his horns; and Abraham went and took the ram and offered him up for a burnt offering in the place of his son. 14 Abraham called the name of that place The Lord Will Provide, as it is said to this day, “In the mount of the Lord it will be provided[I need to be told the moral of this story. This is a case of child mistreatment. Is there post trauma counseling for young Isaac? How will he live with his father knowing he almost made him BBQ for his god?].”

v15 to 18Abraham returns to the young men and they wander back from whence they had come. v19 Abraham settles in Beersheba, in other words he doesn’t go back to live with Sarah. Me thinks he knew had he gone back Sarah would have raised hell.

v20 to 24 is another brief genealogy we are given. As you have noticed before, every time this is done we are being set up for something. In this particular case, we are being set up for Rebekah, who later on will be Isaac’s wife. These verses do not fit within the storyline . Of note though, Milcah is married to her Uncle Nahor, Abe’s brother. I think this thing runs in Abe’s family!


Genesis 21

Isaac Is Born

Before we delve into the business of chapter 21, I must thank one friend who has done a lot of background research on the old testament and has made this work easier to carry on. Thanks Archy for the insights and hope you’ll be continuing when you get more time on your hands.

In this chapter, I think one of the main things we are going to find is irresponsibility both on the part of Abe and his god, uncontrolled jealousy and bad temper from Sarah and dishonest Abe. You will also be able to decipher the authorship by different sources evidenced by conflicting information within the chapter. With that background, let us journey together, shall we?

21 Then the Lord took note of Sarah as He had said, and the Lord did for Sarah as He had promised. So Sarah conceived

Birth of Isaac

and bore a son to Abraham in his old age, at the appointed time of which God had spoken to him. Abraham called the name of his son who was born to him, whom Sarah bore to him, Isaac[ Whose son is this really? Is he Abraham’s or god’s?].

Then Abraham circumcised his son Isaac when he was eight days old, as God had commanded him. Now Abraham was one hundred years old when his son Isaac was born to him. Sarah said, “God has made laughter for me; everyone who hears will laugh with me[I mean ever Sarah sees Abe’s god as having a sense of humour].” And she said, “Who would have said to Abraham that Sarah would nurse children? Yet I have borne him a son in his old age.”

The child grew and was weaned, and Abraham made a great feast on the day that Isaac was weaned[ Anyone knows when they were weaning kids back then?].

Sarah Turns against Hagar

Now Sarah saw the son of Hagar the Egyptian, whom she had borne to Abraham, mocking.10 Therefore she said to Abraham, “Drive out this maid and her son, for the son of this maid shall not be an heir with my son Isaac[ Wait a minute, she asked Abe to know Hagar because she was barren, now that Abe’s god has seen her she is full of jealousy, show some kindness!].” 11 The matter distressed Abraham greatly because of his son.12 But God said to Abraham, “Do not be distressed because of the lad and your maid; whatever Sarah tells you[what type of god gives such an advice?], listen to her, for through Isaac your descendants shall be named. 13 And of the son of the maid I will make a nation also, because he is your descendant.” 14 So Abraham rose early in the morning and took bread and a skin of water and gave them to Hagar

Old Abe sending Hagar and Ishmael away

, putting them on her shoulder, and gave her the boy, and sent her away[If this is not the height of irresponsibility, then I don’t know what is! There should have been children courts then, Abe should have paid for upkeep until he had no goats left.]. And she departed and wandered about in the wilderness of Beersheba.

15 When the water in the skin was used up, she left the boy under one of the bushes. 16 Then she went and sat down opposite him, about a bowshot away, for she said, “Do not let me see the boy die.” And she sat opposite him, and lifted up her voice and wept. 17 God heard the lad crying[ forgive me here, all this time god or any of his many angels who frequently paid Abe a visit had not noticed that poor Hagar was out and hungry?]; and the angel of God called to Hagar from heaven and said to her, “What is the matter with you, Hagar? Do not fear, for God has heard the voice of the lad where he is. 18 Arise, lift up the lad, and hold him by the hand[two things either the lad is so emaciated to be lifted so easily or the scribe or source of inspiration forgot Ishmael is a lad of 13yrs], for I will make a great nation of him.” 19 Then God opened her eyes and she saw a well of water; and she went and filled the skin with water and gave the lad a drink[this is where it becomes funny, was she blind? Could there have been a well where she was and she didn’t notice it? Please be creative next time].

20 God was with the lad, and he grew; and he lived in the wilderness and became an archer[ we will revisit this warrior stance when we meet with Muslims in future, but for now let is allow it to pass.]. 21 He lived in the wilderness of Paran, and his mother took a wife for him from the land of Egypt[this a resourceful mother! The lad truly needs a wife].

Covenant with Abimelech

Now it came about at that time that Abimelech[ is this the same guy Abe almost had cursed in the previous chapter when he pimped Sarah?] and Phicol, the commander of his army, spoke to Abraham, saying, “God is with you in all that you do; 23 now therefore, swear to me here by God that you will not deal falsely with me or with my offspring or with my posterity, but according to the kindness that I have shown to you, you shall show to me and to the land in which you have sojourned[ I think Abimelech is justified in demanding such an oath. Later on though, we find the scribes warning anyone from swearing in the name of the Lord. I don’t know why theists who say the follow god’s word still do it anyway!].” 24 Abraham said, “I swear it.” 25 But Abraham complained to Abimelech because of the well of water which the servants of Abimelech had seized. 26 And Abimelech said, “I do not know who has done this thing; you did not tell me, nor did I hear of it until today[ Is Abe lying again? I mean he has the propensity to lie just for personal gain].”

27 Abraham took sheep and oxen and gave them to Abimelech, and the two of them made a covenant[Is Abraham returning the proceeds of pimping or someone is deliberately lying?].28 Then Abraham set seven ewe lambs of the flock by themselves. 29 Abimelech said to Abraham, “What do these seven ewe lambs mean, which you have set by themselves?” 30 He said, “You shall take these seven ewe lambs from my hand so that it may be a witness to me, that I dug this well[Abe seriously, you haven’t dug the well. Why can’t you be just honest even just once?].”31 Therefore he called that place Beersheba[ Abe likes beer, why call a place beer-sheba, that aside Hagar wandered in the wilderness of beersheba in a few verses back how then does this place get it’s name now unless we have more than one source of inspiration], because there the two of them took an oath. 32 So they made a covenant at Beersheba; and Abimelech and Phicol, the commander of his army, arose and returned to the land of the Philistines. 33 Abraham planted a tamarisk tree at Beersheba, and there he called on the name of the Lord, the Everlasting God. 34 And Abraham sojourned in the land of the Philistines for many days.