Genesis 15

Abram Promised a Son

15 After these things the word of the Lord came to Abram in a vision[maybe Abram was hallucinating], saying,

“Do not fear, Abram,
I am a shield to you;
Your reward shall be very great.”

Abram said[how do you respond to a vision unless you’re hallucinating. Making things up], “O Lord God, what will You give me, since I am childless, and the heir of my house is Eliezer of Damascus?” And Abram said, “Since You have given no offspring to me, one born in my house is my heir.”

Eliezer of Damascus

Then behold, the word of the Lord came to him, saying, “This man will not be your heir; but one who will come forth from your own body, he shall be your heir.” And He took him outside and said, “Now look toward the heavens, and count the stars, if you are able to count them[Abram was a privileged dude, God wakes him from his sleep or is the dude sleep walking?].” And He said to him, “So shall your descendants be.” Then he believed in the Lord[we can deduce here that before this he didn’t believe in the Lord, or this wouldn’t have been said]; and He reckoned it to him as righteousness.

And He said to him, “I am the Lord who brought you out of Ur of the Chaldeans, to give you this land to possess it[why has the lord to identify himself unless Abram has other gods?].” He said, “O Lord God, how may I know that I will possess it?” So He said to him, “Bring Me a three year old heifer, and a three year old female goat, and a three year old ram, and a turtledove, and a young pigeon.” 10 Then he brought all these to Him and cut them in two, and laid each half opposite the other; but he did not cut the birds[if the birds are still alive, indulge me, were they hypnotized? How did he convince them to not fly away?]. 11 The birds of prey came down upon the carcasses, and Abram drove them away.

12 Now when the sun was going down, a deep sleep fell upon Abram; and behold, terror and great darkness fell upon him. 13 God said to Abram, “Know for certain that your descendants will be strangers in a land that is not theirs, where they will be enslaved and oppressed four hundred years[he is still a good god, one who condones slavery. If he knows what is going to happen in future, and these are his chosen people why not avert it or as has been said elsewhere, these stories are written after the exile and are thus no prophecy].14 But I will also judge the nation whom they will serve, and afterward they will come out with many possessions. 15 As for you, you shall go to your fathers in peace; you will be buried at a good old age[no news here, it’s a given he would die].16 Then in the fourth generation they will return here, for the iniquity of the Amorite is not yet complete.”

17 It came about when the sun had set, that it was very dark, and behold, there appeared a smoking oven and a flaming torch which passed between these pieces[creativity at its best, Abram’s god must love BBQ]. 18 On that day the Lord made a covenant with Abram, saying,

“To your descendants I have given this land,
From the river of Egypt as far as the great river, the river Euphrates:

19 the Kenite and the Kenizzite and the Kadmonite 20 and the Hittite and the Perizzite and the Rephaim 21 and the Amorite and the Canaanite and the Girgashite and the Jebusite[as i have said elsewhere, why would Abram’s god give him land belonging to others unless he likes causing conflict? Is there another justification for this?].”

 

Genesis 14

War of the Kings

Before we start the business of looking at this chapter, I want us to have some perspective. We have Noah disembarking from the ark at the end of the flood and his family spreading. Without fear of contradiction, if the bible story is to be believed, the earth at this point in time is populated by Noah’s family, so unless a plausible explanation is proffered, we take it that the kings mentioned in this chapter, lived in a place where the flood did not reach. If this true, then we can stretch it further and say that they were created by a different skygod.

14 V1-3 is a report of the kings involved in a war i don’t know it’s purpose or source.

From V4 we have the progress of the wars and at the end we have Lot taken as spoils of war at V12

13 Then a fugitive came and told Abram the Hebrew[Why call him Abram the Hebrew? So far we know of only one Abram, why does this scribe have to give him a tribe?]. Now he was living by the oaks of Mamre the Amorite, brother of Eshcol and brother of Aner, and these were  allies with Abram. 14 When Abram heard that his relative[did he not know that it’s his nephew?] had been taken captive, he led out his trained men, born in his house, three hundred and eighteen, and went in pursuit as far as Dan[Abram’s family are herdsmen and are 300m in number, how will they pursue and fight 4 armies of trained horsemen and soldiers or is this a comic? Since there is no mention of Abram’s god intervening, we can safely assume the scribe misinterpreted facts as told him by god or he created his own story]. 15  He divided his forces against them by night, he and his servants, and defeated them, and pursued them as far as Hobah, which is north of Damascus. 16 He brought back all the goods, and also brought back his relative Lot with his possessions, and also the women, and the people[just a minute, are the possessions more important than the women and the people(slaves)?].

God’s Promise to Abram

17 Then after his return from the defeat of Chedorlaomer and the kings who were with him, the king of Sodom went out to meet him at the valley of Shaveh (that is, the King’s Valley). 18 AndMelchizedek king of Salem[we will meet this guy later in the NT in Hebrews, so please keep that in mind] brought out bread and wine; now he was a priest of God Most High[this must be taken there are other gods but Abram’s god is most high]. 19 He blessed him and said,

“Blessed be Abram of God Most High,

Melchizedeck blessing Abram

Possessor of heaven and earth;
20 And blessed be God Most High,
Who has delivered your enemies into your hand.”

He gave him a tenth of all[now you know why the pastor is always asking for a 1/10th of your earnings]. 21 The king of Sodom said to Abram, “Give the people to me and take the goods for yourself.” 22 Abram said to the king of Sodom, “I have sworn to the Lord God Most High,  possessor of heaven and earth, 23 that I will not take a thread or a sandal thong or anything that is yours, for fear you would say, ‘I have made Abram rich.’ 24 I will take nothing except what the young men have eaten, and the share of the men who went with me, Aner, Eshcol, and Mamre; let them take their share[pause, a few chapters earlier, Abe pimped his wife for goats, slaves and donkeys. Now he is being given the same for free and he is declining to accept. Has something changed or has he just come to the realization that the first act was improper. The jury is out. I await your verdict].”

Genesis 9

9 And God blessed Noah and his sons and said to them, “ Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth.[This guy must have a short memory! This command is no different from the one he just gave a few verses ago]

The fear of you and the terror of you will be on every beast of the earth and on every bird of the sky; with everything that creeps on the ground, and all the fish of the sea, into your hand they are given[If you believe this, try it with a shark and tell us the story].

Every moving thing that is alive shall be food for you[as we shall see in future, this guy will change his mind on what we shall or shall not eat!]; I give all to you, as I gave the green plant. Only you shall not eat flesh with its life, that is, its blood. Surely I will require  your lifeblood;  from every beast I will require it. And from every man, from every man’s brother I will require the life of man[for what would you require the life of everything?].

“ Whoever sheds man’s blood,
By man his blood shall be shed[ is this not preaching revenge?],
For in the image of God
He made man[who is talking here?].
“As for you, be fruitful and multiply;
Populate the earth abundantly and multiply in it.”[Enough said]

Then God spoke to Noah and to his sons with him[This was a good time, I mean he comes to speak to the whole family], saying, “Now behold, I Myself do establish My covenant with you, and with your descendants after you; 10 and with every living creature that is with you, the birds, the cattle, and every beast of the earth with you; of all that comes out of the ark, even every beast of the earth[why then would someone say man is special if this covenant includes worms?]. 11 I establish My covenant with you; and all flesh shall never again be cut off by the water of the flood, neither shall there again be a flood to destroy the earth.” 12 God said, “This is the sign of the covenant which I am making between Me and you and every living creature that is with you, for all successive generations; 13 I set My bow in the cloud, and it shall be for a sign of a covenant between Me and the earth. 14 It shall come about, when I bring a cloud over the earth, that the bow will be seen in the cloud[we now know the rainbow is as a result of refraction of light and can only be seen at a specific angle], 15 and I will remember My covenant, which is between Me and you and every living creature of all flesh; and never again shall the water become a flood to destroy all flesh[last year, floods killed people in Pakistan and Kisumu, did he just forget this covenant?].

16 When the bow is in the cloud, then I will look upon it, to remember[in this case, I think this guy has a defective memory! Why would an omniscient being need something to remind him/she?] the everlasting covenant between God and every living creature of all flesh that is on the earth.” 17 And God said to Noah, “This is the sign of the covenant which I have established between Me and all flesh that is on the earth[seriously!].”

18 Now the sons of Noah who came out of the ark were Shem and Ham and Japheth[did he have other sons who didn’t make it out?]; and Ham was the father of Canaan. 19 These three were the sons of Noah, and from these the whole earth was populated[the reason we are all brothers and sisters, get off that high stool and accept this].

20 Then Noah began farming and planted a vineyard. 21 He drank of the wine and became drunk[alcohol is good for you], and uncovered himself inside his tent. 22 Ham, the father of Canaan, saw the nakedness of his father, and told his two brothers outside. 23 But Shem and Japheth took a garment and laid it upon both their shoulders and walked backward and covered the nakedness of their father; and their faces were turned away, so that they did not see their father’s nakedness. 24 When Noah awoke from his wine, he knew what his youngest son had done to him[who told him?].

25 So he said,

“ Cursed be Canaan[question is, did the son make him drunk? why curse him and generations after?];
A servant of servants[is this not establishing slavery?]
He shall be to his brothers.”

26 He also said,

“ Blessed be the Lord,
The God of Shem;
And let Canaan be his servant.
27 “ May God enlarge Japheth,
And let him dwell in the tents of Shem;
And let Canaan be his servant.”[Make your own conclusions]

28 Noah lived three hundred and fifty years after the flood. 29 So all the days of Noah were nine hundred and fifty years, and he died.[I want to live to be 200]

Genesis Chapter 5 & 6

Image

400-800yr old tree

Forgive me for not been up to this for a while now, you see I was busy. I had traveled to visit the countryside to see what developments if any were going on and also a meet the people tour. With the apology done, we will get straight to Genesis.

Chapter 5 is a list of descendants of Adam. Two things of note; males get recognition compared to the women folk and whenever a woman is mentioned there is something in the works, and people live really long. I don’t know what happened to us, but I surely would want to live to be 200yrs old. In chapter 6 we have the beginnings of the story of Noah, the first saviour of mankind.

Chapter 5 v1 & 2 is a repetition of creation of man.

v3 Adam was 130yrs old, say that again, when he begot a son in his likeness, after his image; and he named him Seth[ lets pause a bit here, where is Cain and Abel? would Adam’s protege be in the likeness of something different?] Adam lived to be 930yrs when he died.

v6 Seth begets his son Enosh at 105yrs, what was he doing with his youth? is this not a case of shooting pool with a rope? Just like the father, he had a long life dying at the mature age of 912yrs.

v9 Enosh begets Kenan when he is 90 and others. He lives to be 905 yrs .

v12, Kenan at 70 begets Mahalalel and lives to the mature age of 910 yrs.

v15 Mahalalel becomes the father of Jared and others at 65 and dies aged 895 yrs.

v18, we see Jared at 162yrs of age begetting Enoch and others. He was 962 yrs old when he died.

v21 Enoch at 65 begets Methuselah ,and others not mentioned before the court, and he died really young at a measly 365 yrs of age [ methinks he missed his measles vaccine]. The good book says he walked with God and he took him, so am not sure whether he died like the rest who had lived before him.

v25 Methuselah pushes the limits of youth to 187 before he gets Lamech as a son. He died aged 969 yrs.

v28, like father like son, Lamech doesn’t disappoint. He begets Noah at 182 yrs and immediately declares him a saviour ” Out of the very ground that the Lord has put under a curse, this one shall bring us relief from our work and the toil of our hands”. And how did he know this? I don’t see God telling him anywhere? Or is this a scribe being creative? The jury is out! Seriously, why not just ask god to undo the curse? Lamech died at 777 years of age.

v32, I talked too soon, Noah was 500 years when he begot Shem, Ham and Japheth [ they are the first that have names or were they triplets? just asking].

In chapter 6, v2 …the sons of heaven saw how beautiful the daughters of man were, and so they took for their wives as many of them as they chose.[ do you see my confusion here?] v3 ends by god reducing the years of man to 120 years.

v4 At that time the Nephilim appeared on earth (as well as later), after the sons of heaven had intercourse with the daughters of man, who bore them sons. They were the heroes of old, the man of renown. These must be the ancestors of Batman and Superman, am just saying, I could be wrong. But someone please tell me what’s going on.

v5 God is angry at his creation and wishes he never did create in the first place. Who should be blamed? The created or the creator?

v7 He makes the decision to wipe out the entire creation, man and everything else including birds [someone tell me the mistakes the birds of the air had committed, am patient] but Noah found favour with the lord.

v13, Noah is informed of the imminent destruction that awaits a lawless and corrupt world. v14 is the ship builder God. How Noah cuts the pieces of wood he needed to build is a matter of conjecture. v19 we have the passengers to the great ship. Now lets pause again here, there are several questions to be answered here. Noah has 3 sons and their wives and his wife and their children. Lets be generous and say they are 50 able bodied adults, how did they manage to get all the animals in the ark, from the ice caps, the mountain regions, the sea, the deserts, the rain forests just to name a few. What amount of food did they have in store for all of them? How did they transport the food and what was it? Was there an extra gazelle for lions? You see where this is headed? And on other matters, how did they deal with the wood peckers? And since the commandment was he brings them two by two, what happens when three rats show up? Is it turned back?

v22 This Noah did; he carried out all the commandments that God gave him.

Passenger manifest for Noah’s Ark