Chronicles of YHWH 32: Rip One

Rip One

In the beginning, there was darkness all over. And water. YHWH used to swim in the darkness with his angels, subsisting on manna soaked in the water around. At one time, though, this diet gave Angel Gabriel a stomach upset, and he started farting in the darkness.

 

YHWH: Wha… who is that?

Gabriel: It is I, Lord. Angel Gabriel, your faithful servant.

YHWH: Stop farting, Gabriel. You are making the waters around acidic.

Gabriel: Sorry about that. I’ll stop.

 

Brief silence.

 

YHWH: You’ve just farted again. What is wrong with you?

Gabriel: I’m sorry. I’m not sure what’s happening. I think some of the manna is going bad in all this water around. And I can’t see anything, so can’t determine which manna is good, and which is not.

YHWH: You need to hold your farts in. Squeeze the dime.

Gabriel: Will do.

 

Brief silence.

 

YHWH: Dammit, Gabriel! You’ve just let loose yet another one! Are you trying to put us all under siege with your gases? I can hear the other angels swimming away from us now!

Gabriel: I’m really, really, terribly sorry, Lord. That last one sneaked out against my best efforts to contain it.

YHWH: It sounded like a thousand trumpets!

Gabriel: Perhaps if we had some light around, I could swim further away from the rest of you until my stomach settles down again.

YHWH: Fine. I’ll create some light.

 

And hence YHWH proclaimed, in a loud, booming voice: “Let there be light!”

 

N/B: For access to all anecdotes in this series, check out List of all “Chronicles of YHWH” notes.