Genesis 23

Death and Burial of Sarah

23 Now Sarah lived one hundred and twenty-seven years; these were the years of the life of Sarah.Sarah died in

Sarah’s burrial

Kiriath-arba (that is, Hebron) in the land of Canaan; and Abraham went in to mourn for Sarah and to weep for her[ From the time of Isaac’s almost slaughter, a period of 27 years, to now there is no record of Abe paying Sarah a visit. The divorce court must have been nasty!].

Then Abraham rose from before his dead, and spoke to the sons of Heth, saying, “I am a stranger and a sojourner among you; give me a burial site among you that I may bury my dead out of my sight.” The sons of Heth answered Abraham, saying to him, “Hear us, my lord, you are a mighty prince among us; bury your dead in the choicest of our graves; none of us will refuse you his grave for burying your dead[ Even in death Sarah can still be pimped! I like honest Abe, true to himself].”

So Abraham rose and bowed to the people of the land, the sons of Heth. And he spoke with them, saying, “If it is your wish for me to bury my dead out of my sight, hear me, and approach Ephron the son of Zohar for me, that he may give me the cave of Machpelah which he owns, which is at the end of his field; for the full price let him give it to me in your presence for a burial site[ A friend of mine who has done a more indepth study tells me, this transaction here is important in the sense it gives his descendants a legitimate land rights, albeit a small piece for that matter in the land they will claim later on to have been promised them by Abe’s god.].”

10 Now Ephron was sitting among the sons of Heth; and Ephron the Hittite answered Abraham in the hearing of the sons of Heth; even of all who went in at the gate of his city, saying, 11 “No, my lord, hear me; I give you the field, and I give you the cave that is in it. In the presence of the sons of my people I give it to you; bury your dead.” 12 And Abraham bowed before the people of the land. 13 He spoke to Ephron in the hearing of the people of the land, saying, “If you will only please listen to me; I will give the price of the field, accept it from me that I may bury my dead there.”

14 Then Ephron answered Abraham, saying to him, 15 “My lord, listen to me; a piece of land worth four hundred shekels of silver, what is that between me and you? So bury your dead.” 16 Abraham listened to Ephron; and Abraham weighed out for Ephron the silver which he had named in the hearing of the sons of Heth, four hundred shekels of silver, commercial standard.

17 So Ephron’s field, which was in Machpelah, which faced Mamre, the field and cave which was in it, and all the trees which were in the field, that were within all the confines of its border, were deeded over 18 to Abraham for a possession in the presence of the sons of Heth, before all who went in at the gate of his city. 19 After this, Abraham buried Sarah his wife in the cave of the field at Machpelah facing Mamre (that is, Hebron) in the land of Canaan. 20 So the field and the cave that is in it, were deeded over to Abraham for a burial site by the sons of Heth [Abe seems not to put much faith in his god any way. In an earlier chapter, he is promised descendants that would outnumber the stars and he asks how can this be, while at it, he makes Hagar pregnant just in case his god does not deliver on the promise. Here we see him trying to buy and while he had been promised land for his descendants who would outnumber the sand in the beaches!].

Genesis 20

Abraham’s Treachery

A brief introduction to chapter 20 which has been correctly titled Abe’s treachery. One may think this is the first time Abe behaves badly, but no, we must remember this is the second time good Abe has decided to pimp his wife/ sister for personal gain. In the first scenario is a few chapters ago( Genesis 12 from v14), in Egypt where Abe pimps the sister/wife to the Pharaoh and leaves with a bounty of slaves, donkeys and goats. I need to be convinced why someone should go ahead and call this guy a father of faith and not a father of pimps? Why is Sarah’s opinion not sought, does she willingly consent to being pimped by her brother husband?.

This leaves us to ask several questions; if the scripture is god inspired, is he a male chauvinist? Does he prefer a certain gender? What is the lesson we are to infer from reading this scripture, if any?

That said, lets look at the chapter in detail.

20 Now Abraham journeyed from there toward the land of the Negev, and settled between Kadesh and Shur; then he sojourned in Gerar. Abraham said of Sarah his wife/ sister, “She is my sister.”

Sarah is introduced to Abimelech

So Abimelech king of Gerar sent and took Sarah[is Abe back at pimping his wife/sister?].

But God came to Abimelech in a dream of the night, and said to him, “Behold, you are a dead man because of the woman whom you have taken, for she is married[for all intents and purposes, why does old Abe go scot-free for pimping his wife/ sister?] .”

Now Abimelech had not come near her; and he said, “Lord, will You slay a nation, even though blameless[This guy is question god’s judgement! I just like him]? Did he not himself say to me, ‘She is my sister’? And she herself said, ‘He is my brother.’ In the integrity of my heart and the innocence of my hands I have done this.” Then God said to him in the dream[if this is not a case of hallucination, then I don’t know what is?], “Yes, I know that in the integrity of your heart you have done this, and I also kept you from sinning against Me; therefore I did not let you touch her[I would so much like to know how Abe’s god managed this? It is such a hard task].

Now therefore, restore the man’s wife, for he is a prophet, and he will pray for you and you will live[Does this mean he and his family shall not die?]. But if you do not restore her, know that you shall surely die, you and all who are yours[nothing new here, death is definite? ].”

So Abimelech arose early in the morning and called all his servants and told all these things in their hearing; and the men were greatly frightened[where is mob justice when you need it? Abe deserved a lashing here for bringing disrepute to the king]. Then Abimelech called Abraham and said to him, “What have you done to us? [ It appears to me Abimilech is a cool guy, why does Abe deceive him?]And how have I sinned against you, that you have brought on me and on my kingdom a great sin? You have done to me things that ought not to be done.” 10 And Abimelech said to Abraham, “What have you encountered, that you have done this thing?” 11 Abraham said, “Because I thought[he doesn’t have evidence to the contrary, I think he just like being a pimp], surely there is no fear of God in this place, and they will kill me because of my wife/sister.

12 Besides, she actually is my sister[at least for once Abe is truthful], the daughter of my father[she is still your sister damn it], but not the daughter of my mother[I can’t remember his father having two wives, maybe I missed it, if you can find it just include in the comments, please! That’s not too much to ask!], and she became my wife; 13 and it came about, when God caused me to wander from my father’s house, that I said to her, ‘This is the kindness which you will show to me: everywhere we go, say of me, “He is my brother[how does Sarah benefit from this kind of deception apart from being pimped in exchange for goats and asses?].”

14 Abimelech then took sheep and oxen and male and female servants, and gave them to Abraham, and restored his wife Sarah

Abimelech restores Sarah to Abe; husband and brother!

to him. 15 Abimelech said, “Behold, my land is before you; settle wherever you please.” 16 To Sarah he said, “Behold, I have given your brother/ husband a thousand pieces of silver; behold, it is your vindication before all who are with you[it is the price for the pimping venture], and before all men you are cleared.”

17 Abraham prayed to God, and God healed Abimelech and his wife and his maids, so that they bore children. 18 For the Lord had closed fast all the wombs of the household[ someone tell me how this is possible] of Abimelech because of Sarah, Abraham’s wife[The larger question here is who should be asking for forgiveness? The deceiver or the deceived? Unless Abe’s god is his alone, then no one else need worship him].

Genesis 19

The Doom of Sodom
19 Now the two angels[in the previous chapter they were three, where has god gone to?] came to Sodom in the evening as Lot was sitting in the gate of Sodom[I see they had gated communities or else why would there be a gate]. When Lot saw them, he rose to meet them and bowed down with his face to the ground. 2 And he said, “Now behold, my lords, please turn aside into your servant’s house, and spend the night, and wash your feet; then you may rise early and go on your way.” They said however, “No, but we shall spend the night in the square [this were the best times to live, you could offer accommodation to the gods or his angels. 2000 yrs later none of them has bothered to show up again! What went wrong?] .” 3 Yet he urged them strongly, so they turned aside to him and entered his house; and he prepared a feast for them, and baked unleavened bread, and they ate[ Did we stop baking enough bread? I see they loved bread].

Before they lay down, the men of the city, the men of Sodom, surrounded the house, both young and old, all the people from every quarter[How did they know Lot had heavenly visitors? We have Lot meeting them at the city gates, they have a discussion and go to his house! Was Sodom so a small town or hamlet that everyone knew everyone or how do you explain every man coming to Lot’s house! And is there a drought of women in this hamlet? Something here doesn’t seem right] ; and they called to Lot and said to him, “Where are the men who came to you tonight? Bring them out to us that we may have relations with them[ I thought they still lived in tents? have they started building permanent houses? Some enlighten me. If they are living in a tent, it’s easier just to tear down the tent. I don’t find it plausible that even young men, under 18s, would have gone with their fathers and grandfathers just to have sex with two angels. And they must be female angels or else all the entire of Sodom is gay! Is there a different explanation out there] .”

But Lot went out to them at the doorway, and shut the door behind him, and said, “Please, my brothers, do not act wickedly. Now behold, I have two daughters who have not had relations with man; please let me bring them out to you, and do to them whatever you like[ what type of parent is Lot. How do you give your virgin daughters to be gang raped? Are his daughters listening?]; only do nothing to these men, in as much as they have come under the shelter of my roof.”

But they said, “Stand aside.” Furthermore, they said, “This one came in as an alien, and already he is acting like a judge; now we will treat you worse than them.” So they pressed hard against Lot and came near to break the door[as a writer of fiction, this scribe sucks, how strong is Lot and how many people are outside his door? Unless he had security doors by MultiLock installed in his house, but the men could just have taken the keys from him]. 10 But the men reached out their hands and brought Lot into the house with them, and shut the door. 11 They struck the men who  were at the doorway of the house with blindness, both small and great, so that they wearied themselves trying to find the doorway[all able bodied men have just been struck blind, and the scribe tells us here they wearied themselves trying to find the door, this is absurd. They were standing at the door, how then would they weary trying to get it unless the angels or switched the location of the door to the back of the house or to the roof!].

12 Then the two men said to Lot, “Whom else have you here? A son-in-law, and your sons, and your daughters, and whomever you have in the city, bring them out of the place; 13 for we are about to destroy this place, because their outcry has become so great before the Lord that the Lord has sent us to destroy it.” 14 Lot went out[this must be a joke! The men who had wanted to know the angels haven’t left yet and Lot has walked out to his sons houses? By the way since all the men of the town were at his door, were his sons also there? That being the case, apart from Lot, every other male is now blind and even his sons will not be able to pack] and spoke to his sons-in-law[arranged marriages?], who were to marry his daughters, and said, “Up, get out of this place, for the Lord will destroy the city.” But he appeared to his sons-in-law to be jesting.

15 When morning dawned, the angels urged Lot, saying, “Up, take your wife and your two daughters who are here, or you will be swept away in the punishment of the city.” 16 But he hesitated. So the men seized his hand and the hand of his wife and the hands of his two daughters, for the compassion of the Lord was upon him; and they brought him out, and put him outside the city[ How far out of the city has the family been taken? They are not horse back or camels!]. 17 When they had brought them outside, one said, “Escape for your life! Do not look behind you, and do not stay anywhere in the valley; escape to the mountains, or you will be swept away[In a future geography lesson we will look at maps of the area and see just how far the chosen family would have gone].” 18 But Lot said to them, “Oh no, my lords!

19 Now behold, your servant has found favor in your sight, and you have magnified your loving kindness, which you have shown me by saving my life; but I cannot escape to the mountains, for the disaster will overtake me and I will die[how does Lot know this? or is he suggesting that the angels of the Lord are wrong to live him by the gates of the city or can we say that the scribe writing this part has witnessed a volcanic eruption before and knows that volcanic waste travel large distances? You can add to the possibility of questions]; 20 now behold, this town is near enough to flee to, and it is small. Please, let me escape there (is it not small?) that my life may be saved.” 21 He said to him, “Behold, I grant you this request also, not to overthrow the town[did the angels have other ideas?] of which you have spoken. 22 Hurry, escape there, for I cannot do anything until you arrive there.” Therefore the name of the town was called Zoar [ am tired at the moment but I promise to get you the location of Zoar soon] .

23 The sun had risen over the earth when Lot came to Zoar. 24 Then the Lord rained on Sodom and Gomorrah

Destruction of Sodom

brimstone and fire from the Lord out of heaven, 25 and He overthrew those cities, and all the valley, and all the inhabitants of the cities, and what grew on the ground. 26 But his wife, from behind him, looked back, and she became a pillar of salt[ for all intents and purposes, her sons have just been left behind, her friends, her family, what is the crime in looking behind? How bad is this Lot’s god?].

27 Now Abraham arose early in the morning and went to the place where he had stood before the Lord; 28 and he looked down toward Sodom and Gomorrah, and toward all the land of the valley, and he saw, and behold, the smoke of the land ascended like the smoke of a furnace[Abraham must have witnessed an earthquake, but how far does he live from Sodom? He must have slept through the entire eruption!].

29 Thus it came about, when God destroyed the cities of the valley, that God remembered[ I have said elsewhere, this god has defective memory] Abraham, and sent Lot out of the midst of the overthrow, when He overthrew the cities in which Lot lived.

Lot Is Debased

30 Lot went up from Zoar, and stayed in the mountains[why did he have to retreat from the city to the mountains unless something is cooking!], and his two daughters with him; for he was afraid to stay in Zoar; and he stayed in a cave, he and his two daughters. 31 Then the firstborn said to the younger[ what is so hard in giving the two ladies names if they have such a central role to play? Unless you convince me otherwise, the god who inspired this scribe doesn’t have a place for women], “Our father is old, and there is not a man on earth to come in to us after the manner of the earth[Now if I may, they just left a town to live in the mountains, why not head there?]. 32 Come, let us make our father drink wine, and let us lie with him that we may preserve our family through our father.” 33 So they made their father drink wine that night

Lot sleeps with his daughters

, and the firstborn went in and lay with her father; and he did not know when she lay down or when she arose. 34 On the following day, the firstborn said to the younger, “Behold, I lay last night with my father; let us make him drink wine tonight also; then you go in and lie with him, that we may preserve our family through our father.” 35 So they made their father drink wine that night also, and the younger arose and lay with him; and he did not know when she lay down or when she arose[Wait a minute, how drunk was the old dude? I see no reason why Lot’s family was spared if the crime of the other city dwellers included drunkenness and debauchery among others. Any dissenting opinions allowed]. 36 Thus both the daughters of Lot were with child by their father. 37 The firstborn bore a son, and called his name Moab; he is the father of the Moabites to this day. 38 As for the younger, she also bore a son, and called his name Ben-ammi; he is the father of the sons of Ammon to this day[ On a more serious matter, St Paul writing to Timothy lists 4 things that scripture is to be used for, could someone please be kind enough to tell me where the 4 if any fall in this story of Lot and his daughters! I will wait].

 

 

Genesis 18

Birth of Isaac Promised

18 Now the Lord appeared to him by the oaks of Mamre, while he was sitting at the tent door in the heat of the day. When he lifted up his eyes and looked, behold, three men[did God come with his brothers or he has guards?] were standing opposite him; and when he saw them, he ran from the tent door to meet them and bowed himself to the earth, and said, “My Lord, if now I have found favor in Your sight, please do not pass Your servant by[since they are three dudes, who is his Lord? How do we tell one from the other].

Good old Abe welcoming his God. He must be one of the three!

Please let a little water be brought and wash your feet[the god of Abe must have dirtied his legs walking in the dust or why else would he be offered water to clean his feet], and rest yourselves under the tree[and he gets tired, must need rest, unless Abe doesn’t know his God is all powerful]; and I will bring a piece of bread[he eats bread, so must suffer hunger like us or why would Abe offer food?], that you may refresh yourselves; after that you may go on, since you have visited your servant.” And they said, “So do, as you have said[they have all agreed to food, water to wash their feet, don’t you just like Abe’s God. Could this be the source of the trinity? ].” So Abraham hurried into the tent to Sarah, and said, “Quickly, prepare three measures of fine flour, knead it and make bread cakes[how long if I may does it take to bake bread or was Sarai expecting the guests? Some help here!].”

Abraham also ran to the herd, and took a tender and choice calf and gave it to the servant, and he hurried to prepare it[so the gods also love choice meat!]. He took curds and milk and the calf which he had prepared, and placed it before them; and he was standing by them under the tree as they ate[they must have been really hungry to wait for bread to be baked and a choice calf be chosen, slaughtered and BBQed].

Then they said to him, “Where is Sarah your wife?” And he said, “There, in the tent.” 10 He said[Am confused here, they asked, he said; how many Gods are speaking or is this particular verse written by two competing scribes?], “I will surely return to you at this time next year; and behold, Sarah your wife will have a son.” And Sarah was listening at the tent door, which was behind him. 11 Now Abraham and Sarah were old, advanced in age; Sarah was past childbearing.

12 Sarah laughed to herself, saying, “After I have become old, shall I have pleasure[It seems to me Sarah have given up on this acts and know that with her advanced age there is no point], my lord being old also[and that old Abe will be shooting pool with a rope]?” 13 And the Lord said to Abraham, “Why did Sarah laugh, saying, ‘Shall I indeed bear a child, when I am so old?’ [Doesn’t this lord know that their suggestion is an odd one? or are we having a miracle in the making?14 Is anything too difficult for the Lord? At the appointed time I will return to you, at this time next year, and Sarah will have a son.” 15 Sarah denied it however, saying, “I did not laugh”; for she was afraid. And He said, “No, but you did laugh.”[I like the exchange between Abe, Sarah and the gods. Sarah finds their suggestion preposterous.]

16 Then the men rose up from there, and looked down toward Sodom; and Abraham was walking with them to send them off. 17 The Lord said[ As i have said, I am going to need help here, is Abraham’s God a man, 3 men or what? I don’t get it!], “Shall I hide from Abraham what I am about to do[ do I see a guilty conscience from the good Lord?], 18 since Abraham will surely become a great and mighty nation, and in him all the nations of the earth will be blessed[ Is Abe’s God planning another destruction of humanity. He does have this ruminations when he is about to do something of this kind]?

19 For I have chosen him, so that he may command his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord by doing righteousness and justice, so that the Lord may bring upon Abraham what He has spoken about him.” 20 And the Lord said, “The outcry of Sodom and Gomorrah is indeed great, and their sin is exceedingly grave. 21 I will go down now, and see if they have done entirely according to its outcry, which has come to Me; and if not, I will know[ For the upteenth time, should someone say in my face their God is all knowing, they will have to explain this passage here].”

22 Then the men turned away from there and went toward Sodom, while Abraham was still standing before the Lord. 23 Abraham came near and said, “Will You indeed sweep away the righteous with the wicked[here it seems to me Abe is more rational than his God or why is he having this discussion? What does this say about Abe’s God?]? 24 Suppose there are fifty righteous within the city; will You indeed sweep it away and not spare the place for the sake of the fifty righteous who are in it[ I think I would really want to have a discussion with this God. I have a few of my questions too!]?

v25 to 33 is an exchange between Abe and his God on what it would take him not to destroy Sodom and Gomorrah and it’s inhabitants. In all honesty, this discussion shouldn’t have been had in the first place. The omniscient God should have a better way of plucking those he thinks are wicked without causing destruction or killing innocents. You are free to disagree, but then you will have to give me a reason to believe your God on his merits!

Genesis 13

Abram and Lot

13 So Abram went up from Egypt to the Negev, he and his wife and all that belonged to him, and Lot with him.

Now Abram was very rich in livestock, in silver and in gold[proceeds from pimping].He went on his journeys from the Negev as far as Bethel, to the place where his tent had been at the beginning, between Bethel and Ai, to the place of the altar which he had made there formerly; and there Abram called on the name of the Lord.

Now Lot, who went with Abram, also had flocks and herds and tents. And the land could not sustain them while dwelling together, for their possessions were so great that they were not able to remain together

Lot and his flock

 And there was strife between the herdsmen of Abram’s livestock and the herdsmen of Lot’s livestock. Now the Canaanite and the Perizzite were dwelling then in the land[ family strife between father of faith and his nephew? Couldn’t they just find a way to live in peace or is there something we are not being told].

 So Abram said to Lot, “Please let there be no strife between you and me, nor between my herdsmen and your herdsmen, for we are brothers[how much livestock and slaves did these two families own to the point they could not stay together amicably?]. Is not the whole land before you? Please separate from me; if to the left, then I will go to the right; or if to the right, then I will go to the left.” 10 Lot lifted up his eyes and saw all the  valley of the Jordan, that it was well watered everywhere—this was before the Lord destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah—like the garden of the Lord, like the land of Egypt as you go to Zoar. 11 So Lot chose for himself all the valley of the Jordan, and Lot journeyed eastward. Thus they separated from each other. 12 Abram settled in the land of Canaan, while Lot settled in the cities of the valley, and moved his tents as far as Sodom. 13 Now the men of Sodom were wicked exceedingly and sinners against the Lord [Now lets pose a while. A few chapters back every living thing was destroyed in a flood from most high, so where do the wicked people in Sodom come from? Every one on earth at this point in time is Noah’s descendant. Unless there are people who survived the flood or there were other people in existence not of Noah’s ancestry!]

14 The Lord said to Abram, after Lot had separated from him, “ Now lift up your eyes and look from the place where you are, northward and southward and eastward and westward; 15  for all the land which you see, I will give it to you and to your descendants forever[why wait for Lot to leave? Does this God have preferential treatment? Is he just Abram’s God alone or is it the God of everyone?]. 16 I will make your descendants as the dust of the earth, so that if anyone can number the dust of the earth, then your descendants can also be numbered[ where will all this people stand?]. 17 Arise, walk about the land through its length and breadth; for I will give it to you.” 18 Then Abram moved his tent and came and dwelt by the  oaks of Mamre, which are in Hebron, and there he built an altar to the Lord [Enough said, but just a thought, what material were they using to make their tents?].

 

Genesis 11

UNIVERSAL LANGUAGE, BABEL, CONFUSION

11 Now the whole earth used the same language and the same words[In chapter 10 v20 These are the sons of Ham, according to their families, according to their languages, by their lands, by their nations. What has happened to these languages or the scribe was not aware of the previous chapter?]

It came about as they journeyed east, that they found a plain in the land of Shinar and settled there[ All migration from the garden have been eastward? I already asked how far east of east will they be going until they start going west?].

Image

They said to one another, “Come, let us make bricks and burn them thoroughly.” And they used brick for stone, and they used tar for mortar. They said, “Come, let us build for ourselves a city, and a tower whose top will reach into heaven, and let us make for ourselves a name, otherwise we will be scattered abroad over the face of the whole earth[I will digress a bit here and ask you dear reader to look at the story of the Ziggurat].”

 The Lord came down to see the city and the tower which the sons of men had built[As i have asked elsewhere, is he still omnipresent and omniscient? If yes, why has he to come?]. The Lord said, “Behold, they are one people, and they all have  the same language. And this is what they began to do, and now nothing which they purpose to do will be impossible for them[So did he think if man tried to do something, they would not succeed? How did he view his special creation as creationists would want us believe]. Come, let Us go down and there confuse their language[why would the gods do this? and how many are they?], so that they will not understand one another’s speech.” So the Lord scattered them abroad from there over the face of the whole earth; and they stopped building the city. Therefore its name was called Babel, because there the Lord confused the language of the whole earth; and from there the Lord scattered them abroad over the face of the whole earth[Nuff said, are the gods full of malice?].

DESCENDANTS OF SHEM

Nothing interesting here other than a contradiction on how long these guys live. In an earlier chapter 6Then the Lord said, “My Spirit will not contend with humans forever, for they are mortal; their days will be a hundred and twenty years [how come men are still living to be 400yrs of age or did the scribes miss chapter 6?].”

Genesis 9

9 And God blessed Noah and his sons and said to them, “ Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth.[This guy must have a short memory! This command is no different from the one he just gave a few verses ago]

The fear of you and the terror of you will be on every beast of the earth and on every bird of the sky; with everything that creeps on the ground, and all the fish of the sea, into your hand they are given[If you believe this, try it with a shark and tell us the story].

Every moving thing that is alive shall be food for you[as we shall see in future, this guy will change his mind on what we shall or shall not eat!]; I give all to you, as I gave the green plant. Only you shall not eat flesh with its life, that is, its blood. Surely I will require  your lifeblood;  from every beast I will require it. And from every man, from every man’s brother I will require the life of man[for what would you require the life of everything?].

“ Whoever sheds man’s blood,
By man his blood shall be shed[ is this not preaching revenge?],
For in the image of God
He made man[who is talking here?].
“As for you, be fruitful and multiply;
Populate the earth abundantly and multiply in it.”[Enough said]

Then God spoke to Noah and to his sons with him[This was a good time, I mean he comes to speak to the whole family], saying, “Now behold, I Myself do establish My covenant with you, and with your descendants after you; 10 and with every living creature that is with you, the birds, the cattle, and every beast of the earth with you; of all that comes out of the ark, even every beast of the earth[why then would someone say man is special if this covenant includes worms?]. 11 I establish My covenant with you; and all flesh shall never again be cut off by the water of the flood, neither shall there again be a flood to destroy the earth.” 12 God said, “This is the sign of the covenant which I am making between Me and you and every living creature that is with you, for all successive generations; 13 I set My bow in the cloud, and it shall be for a sign of a covenant between Me and the earth. 14 It shall come about, when I bring a cloud over the earth, that the bow will be seen in the cloud[we now know the rainbow is as a result of refraction of light and can only be seen at a specific angle], 15 and I will remember My covenant, which is between Me and you and every living creature of all flesh; and never again shall the water become a flood to destroy all flesh[last year, floods killed people in Pakistan and Kisumu, did he just forget this covenant?].

16 When the bow is in the cloud, then I will look upon it, to remember[in this case, I think this guy has a defective memory! Why would an omniscient being need something to remind him/she?] the everlasting covenant between God and every living creature of all flesh that is on the earth.” 17 And God said to Noah, “This is the sign of the covenant which I have established between Me and all flesh that is on the earth[seriously!].”

18 Now the sons of Noah who came out of the ark were Shem and Ham and Japheth[did he have other sons who didn’t make it out?]; and Ham was the father of Canaan. 19 These three were the sons of Noah, and from these the whole earth was populated[the reason we are all brothers and sisters, get off that high stool and accept this].

20 Then Noah began farming and planted a vineyard. 21 He drank of the wine and became drunk[alcohol is good for you], and uncovered himself inside his tent. 22 Ham, the father of Canaan, saw the nakedness of his father, and told his two brothers outside. 23 But Shem and Japheth took a garment and laid it upon both their shoulders and walked backward and covered the nakedness of their father; and their faces were turned away, so that they did not see their father’s nakedness. 24 When Noah awoke from his wine, he knew what his youngest son had done to him[who told him?].

25 So he said,

“ Cursed be Canaan[question is, did the son make him drunk? why curse him and generations after?];
A servant of servants[is this not establishing slavery?]
He shall be to his brothers.”

26 He also said,

“ Blessed be the Lord,
The God of Shem;
And let Canaan be his servant.
27 “ May God enlarge Japheth,
And let him dwell in the tents of Shem;
And let Canaan be his servant.”[Make your own conclusions]

28 Noah lived three hundred and fifty years after the flood. 29 So all the days of Noah were nine hundred and fifty years, and he died.[I want to live to be 200]

Genesis 8

The flood subsides

8 But God remembered [could he have forgotten that he has just drowned every living thing?] Noah and all the beasts and all the cattle that were with him in the ark; and God caused a wind to pass over the earth, and the water subsided.

Also the fountains of the deep and the floodgates of the sky were closed, and the rain from the sky was restrained; and the water receded steadily from the earth, and at the end of one hundred and fifty days the water decreased[ where does the water go? by this time the earth is so saturated that i don’t think further absorption is possible]

In the seventh month, on the seventeenth day of the month, the ark rested upon the mountains of Ararat. The water decreased steadily until the tenth month; in the tenth month, on the first day of the month, the tops of the mountains became visible.[A little arithmetic just so we do not lose count of the days. It has rained 40 days and 40 nights, add 150 days for water to recede. Then 7 months for the ship to land on Mt Ararat and extra 3 months for the mountains to become visible. Here is the problem, in all this time, they can’t have replenished the food stocks they had, waste has not been emptied nor has the single window been opened. How are they surviving in this hell hole?]

Then it came about at the end of forty days, that Noah opened the window of the ark which he had made; and he sent out a raven, and it flew here and there until the water was dried up from the earth. Then he sent out a dove from him, to see if the water was abated from the face of the land; but the dove found no resting place for the sole of her foot, so she returned to him into the ark, for the water was on the surface of all the earth. Then he put out his hand and took her, and brought her into the ark to himself.[ I have lost count of days now, but of note, if Noah’s God who commanded him to build the ark were omnipresent and omnipotent, why would he not just land the ark where there is dry land?Doesn’t Noah trust his God to tell him they have docked on dry land, but then again the chapter starts by him remembering, with such poor memory, Noah will just have to find away on his own! Why make them go through this charade of sending birds, have they been taught navigation skills?]

10 So he waited yet another seven days; and again he sent out the dove from the ark. 11 The dove came to him toward evening, and behold, in her beak was a freshly picked olive leaf. So Noah knew that the water was abated from the earth. 12 Then he waited yet another seven days, and sent out the dove; but she did not return to him again.[If he received the command to build the ark from god directly, why not just use the same channel to find out if there is dry land?]

13 Now it came about in the six hundred and first year, in the first month, on the first of the month, the water was dried up from the earth. Then Noah removed the covering of the ark, and looked, and behold, the surface of the ground was dried up. 14 In the second month, on the twenty-seventh day of the month, the earth was dry.[This has been a long wait. He must have breathed a sigh of relief]

15 Then God spoke to Noah, saying, 16 “Go out of the ark, you and your wife and your sons and your sons’ wives with you.[At last he speaks! But am just saying he spoke a little too late. Noah and kin have found dry land, why would they wait an order to disembark?]

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Dry dock! Time to disembark

17 Bring out with you every living thing of all flesh that is with you, birds and animals and every creeping thing that creeps on the earth, that they may breed abundantly on the earth, and be fruitful and multiply on the earth.” 18 So Noah went out, and his sons and his wife and his sons’ wives with him. 19 Every beast, every creeping thing, and every bird, everything that moves on the earth, went out by their families from the ark.[This order is superfluous in my view; first,if his reason for the murder was misdemeanor on the part of the human beings, I would be so apprehensive in bringing more children just they suffer the same fate and secondly given there is no mention of exercise space in the ark, there must be muscle cramps, if you leave the stale air, any living organism would want to stretch. Then the great declaration, let the sex begin. Go yea and multiply. What will the herbivores be eating? Most plants and grasses would have been destroyed in the year long flood]

20 Then Noah built an altar to the Lord, and took of every clean animal and of every clean bird and offered burnt offerings on the altar. 21 The Lord smelled the soothing aroma[ Till now I didn’t know God loved the smell of BBQ]; and the Lord said to Himself, “I will never again curse the ground on account of man, for the intent of man’s heart is evil from his youth; and I will never again destroy every living thing, as I have done.[Just a moment, is he having second thoughts about what he has just done? And if he is speaking to himself, who heard him to record all this? Or was he talking out aloud to himself? This is the time he should have checked into an asylum]

22 “While the earth remains,
Seedtime and harvest,
And cold and heat,
And summer and winter,
And day and night
Shall not cease.”[ Nuff said]

Genesis Chapter 2

The scribe for chapter 2 should have read Dickens at least for the introduction. That said, today we will use the NASB for reference.

Garden of Eden

This chapter is very interesting. In chapter 1 to 3, the whole business of creation is covered and the creator God is taking his rest.

Are these scribes reading from the same page: in chapter 1, on day 3, plants have been ordered to sprout. In verse 5, he is waiting on man to come and till the land, what a lazy creator. The great guy has a campus, the garden of Eden is in the east. There are many things in this garden, tree of life[ has it been cut down?] and tree of knowledge of good and evil.

Verses 10 to 14, four rivers have been identified. The gold in Pishon is good [i didn’t think there was bad gold, but then again who I my to say otherwise?]

15 and 17, man gets his first duties, to take of the garden and a warning and the punishment for disobeying the order[why death? was he out of options? ]

18 he suddenly realizes man is lonely and promises to make amends.

19 gives man responsibility of naming all the animals[ fair enough, now I know why we have unicorns]

I just want to know if men have less number of ribs as women? God does the first operation without living stitch marks, any surgeons out there, you have an example to follow.

And finally at verse 25, there is no shame in being naked [ can I hear somebody say amen].

We are now done with where we came from, now in the next chapters we will be seeing where we are going.

Genesis Chapter 1

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I said I would keep this promise, eh. Before we start, in the introduction, the good book says, the books of the Pentateuch do not record historical facts…. but traditions of a people about the origin of the universe, the world and all it contains [ i have an issue with my forefathers, they forgot to write]. Now that we have that history behind us we can get into the serious business of bible study.

In verses 1 & 2, God gets busy creating earth but it still has no form. He will give it form later don’t you worry. Verses 3 to 5 he creates light and darkness[he must have been using a spotlight before this I guess] How did he know it was dark? I have always been told he was God of light and until this day of creation he was living in the dark?

Verses 6 to 8, a lot of activity going on. He separates two waters, i will wait for those who have gone to space to tell me whether they have seen this water mass or has it evaporated?

We are on the 3rd day now, he moves all the water into a basin[did we miss the creation of the basin] and then he orders fruits and seeds to appear. we now know what comes first, the plant then the seed, don’t ask again about the chicken and the egg.

For a moment i thought we were done with creating lights, here is where he creates the moon and all the stars we see in the night sky, never mind, he didn’t know about the rotation of the earth causing day and night. We’ll just assume that he didn’t care to inspire the scribes with such knowledge.

At verse 20 to 23, fifth day, the fishes, sea monsters, birds and so on got created. Forgive my not mentioning, he saw that all this was good [am wondering did he expect it to be bad?]. He offers his very first blessings on this day.

This appears to be the busiest day on the creation calender, I understand why at the end he was tired and needed rest. from verse 24, we have cows and wild animals[ why not make them all friendly to man? am just asking], even worms are made on this day. Verse 26 gets very interesting, ‘ Then God said;’ Let us make man in our image, after our likeness….’ am not sure who he is talking to, anyone with answers please? [I think this is why we have people like Kibaki and so on, there are many likenesses not all beautiful. If you must use a lot of make up to hide your face maybe you took after the wrong likeness]. He sends them on a mission to multiply, I don’t see him teaching them how to or did he know they will just find out on their own? I leave that to speculation. And as i had said earlier all this was beautiful and he blessed it. There were no conditions in the garden. I think in all fairness things should have remained this way.

We continue with Chapter 2 when the student resumes.