Food for Thought: Guns and Crosses

Guns and Crosses

Supposing Jesus had walked the earth in the 20th Century, and had faced a firing squad for his execution, instead of being crucified.

Then the gun – instead of the cross – would be the Christian symbol. Churches would be having a machine gun placed prominently everywhere. Christians would hang pistols or revolvers around their necks.

Pastors and priests would often say such things as “Carry your own machine gun” or “Shoulder your own artillery” in church services. There would be mass shootings every Good Friday, especially in the Philippines.

When praying, instead of making the sign of the cross, Catholics would mime pointing an invisible pistol against their temples – ready to blow their brains out. The pope would regularly mime pointing a rifle at the huge congregations. Or an RPG launcher.

Cemeteries would be full of machine and sub-machine guns: Hotchkiss, LSATs, Ultimax, Bizon SMGs, Daewoos, and so on. Huge, rotary cannons would adorn churches spires – M61 Vulcans, GAU-Avengers, and the Gryazev Shipunovs.

Interestingly, all this would be considered normal… and pious. In fact, any criminal bearing a gun would be getting an initial benefit of doubt – he could be a devout Christian, after all. And so it would be, that occasionally, a gun-wielding robber would be proclaiming, loudly, thus:

“I’m not a Christian. I’m a heartless thief. Stick your hands up!”

Random rants

A few days ago I was flagged down by traffic cop on one of the new roads recently made in China by the Chinese in the pretext that I was over-speeding. If these random stops were to ensure safety on the roads, yours truly would have no trouble supporting the efforts of the police. Unfortunately, these are opportunities for the traffic cops to extort law-abiding citizens of their hard-earned money while un-roadworthy vehicles ferry passengers. These are most times overloaded and are driven by men who do not remember when they were last sober! Next time a cop flags me down and claims I was driving beyond the speed limit, the discussion will be different from the one we had recently!

Recently the senate debated and passed a bill that allows anyone above thirty to own a gun. My first reaction when I had this was, what the fuck! are these numbskulls serious? The reason we pay tax to the government is not so that they can create stupid commissions and tribunals to investigate sometimes very mundane things like soldiers who were seen on camera stealing during the botched Westgate siege. If, as is clear, the government has failed in its duty to provide the citizens with security, it is only right we stop paying tax and find ways of getting the other services we pay the government to offer. Should this bill come into law, I promise, I am going to find as many ways to not pay tax as I can get.

Our MPigs, recently voted to pass a bill that would in the long run make it impossible to be critical of the government or the clowns running it. This bill is with the current clown in the office of the president. I hope he returns it to those retards in parliament to remove the offending clauses. I don’t like our journalists much, and with good reason, but I will defend their right and mine to spew all the nonsense they broadcast on TV, radio and print media without fear of arrest or intimidation.

There is a con man in the loose on the streets of Nairobi going by the name Elphas and phone number 0715547822 pretending he has several millions of dollars to invest but keeps asking for money. Should you be his unlucky victim, yours truly has granted you permission to stone him.

And lastly, to the ladies and gentlemen working at Airtel Kenya who happen to be my network providers you really should style up. I don’t understand why applying for a postpaid account is such a hassle! It’s harder than opening a bank account in some instance and all you want is my money. Style up, shape up or you will lose business to your competition!