Chronicles of YHWH 27: Chain Reaction

Chain Reaction

YHWH: Lucifer?

Lucifer: Speaking.

YHWH: What’s that bluish glow I’m seeing in hell?

Lucifer: Radioactive cores. Uranium and Plutonium.

YHWH: What are radioactive cores doing in hell?

Lucifer: I run out of sulphur and brimstone a while back. Too many sinners trooping in. Besides, the radioactive cores create a much hotter flame. And they can last for much, much longer.

YHWH: Ah, interesting. Good thinking. How many sinners are you barbecuing, currently?

Lucifer: Almost five billions. The atheists, the Muslims, the Rastafarians, the Hindus and Buddhists, the Communists, and the Pope. I hear that some evangelical Christians are also on the way.

YHWH: Yeah. Some of them were wearing linen underwear, against my orders. Who wears linen against the skin, anyway? Creeps.

Lucifer: One impending problem, though.

YHWH: Yes?

Lucifer: The increasingly higher amounts of radioactive material needed might soon reach a critical mass, and detonate in a massive explosion. Hell will be no more.

YHWH: That’s fine. I’ll move heaven further away.

Lucifer: Oh. Alright then.

YHWH: Just ensure that those Christians wearing linen pants are nearest the cores when the explosion happens.

Lucifer: Uh, alright. Will do.

 

N/B: For access to all anecdotes in this series, check out List of all “Chronicles of YHWH” notes.