As you are all aware by now some old man, by the name Ratzinger, has given notice to quit his job as the representative of Peter or should I say the Vicar of christ on earth. I don’t know the real job description of the work for the occupant of the office but I know a few qualifications which include but are not limited to having knowledge of pedophiles but shielding them from the
short long arm of the law, must be old[80 would be appropriate], must think homosexuals have been sent by the devil himself, must nominally believe condoms are unnatural while being celibate is natural and to top it up must rely on smoke signals.
Before we go to the perks and who should apply, how do you abdicate the duty of being vicar of Christ? This must have been the most boring job on the planet, how with representing a guy who doesn’t give a bat shit to what you do! No answered messages and then no job appraisal to know you are performing above par. Am not discouraging you from applying, just saying 🙂
The perks include a secretary who can sell your documents to the public, pope-mobile[bullet proof], gold-laced dresses are they robes, holiday every so often, you own the Vatican Bank so you really don’t need money, an apartment room facing St. Peter’s square, diplomatic passport, you get to kiss the ground of wherever you go to and also to decide who and how the several billion catholics should mate.
If you qualify[qualifications are covered in the first paragraph] and are interested in the above job, I will be collecting curriculum vitae for shortlisting. Women can also apply[ we are trying to modernise the church]. Knowlegde of spoken and written Latin will be an added advantage.
Only shortlisted candidates will be notified.
All the best in your applications.