The last plague

Up until this moment we have seen god and his handy men perform several magic tricks; turning water to blood, darkness over Egypt for 3 days, locusts, insects, hail storm, boils death of cattle and I think staff that become snakes and at the same time god keeps hardening pharaoh’s heart so that when he is about to release the sons of Israel he changes his mind. At this point now, god is tired and can’t take any more of this ( remember he is responsible for pharaoh hardening his heart) and decides to show his hand in a final decisive way.

Not too fast my friends, he still has some show off to do

Speak now in the hearing of the people so that each man ask from his neighbor and each woman from her neighbor for articles of silver and articles of gold.” The Lord gave the people favor in the sight of the Egyptians. Furthermore, the man Moses himself was greatly esteemed in the land of Egypt, both in the sight of Pharaoh’s servants and in the sight of the people.

Where did the people get these precious stones, they have been slaves for as long as we can recall. Alchemists would love to know where they got the gold, did it come from the words Moses spoke or did they mine and not hand over to pharaoh, be the judge my friends.

Am confused here  Moses said, “Thus says the Lord, ‘About midnight I am going out into the midst of Egypt, and all the firstborn in the land of Egypt shall die, from the firstborn of the Pharaoh who sits on his throne, even to the firstborn of the slave girl who is behind the millstones; all the firstborn of the cattle as well.  All livestock owned by the Egyptians have been killed already, where have these firstborn of cattle come from? What is the guilt of goats and sheep? And what about slave girls? And are there other slaves apart from the sons of Israel and why do they have to lose their firstborn? What wrong have they committed against god or against the sons of Israel if they are also slaves?

You’d think after these senseless murders, god would have some sanity of mind to not harden pharaoh’s heart. No he doesn’t, he is still not satisfied with murder and destruction so he hardens pharaoh’s heart one final time. It is here that Moses and Aaron should have rightly told god to do the rest himself. It is a waste of their time to send them to pharaoh and go behind their back to harden pharaoh’s heart.

Who do you think is responsible for the sons of Israel continued suffering[am not sure they are suffering]. Is it god, pharaoh, Moses and Aaron, the people of Egypt of the sons of Israel themselves?

God showing off

Moses and Aaron are irresponsible, god tells them he is going to harden pharaoh’s heart and they don’t question him but have the audacity to tell him[pharaoh] to humble himself. How do they expect him to do this? To act in deviance of a god so intent on showing off his magic tricks?

They have said, a picture can take the space of 1000 words and so we will do just that for this post. I have just one question, how could Moses cause darkness for three days in Egypt and at the same time have light in Goshen which I guess must have been a stone throw away?

The plague of the locusts


Three day darkness over Egypt. The lights in the background is light as seen from Goshen where the sons of Israel live



A time for action

This  chapter that god begins with gloating to Moses what he is going to do to the pharaoh as a young boy would to his playmates to impress them on his abilities

6 Then the Lord said to Moses, “Now you shall see what I will do to Pharaoh; for under compulsion he will let them go, and under compulsion he will drive them out of his land.”

If you thought god had revealed his name to anyone before Moses, think again. This is from the horse’s mouth…

and I appeared to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, as God Almighty, but by My name, Lord, I did not make Myself known to them.

Since we are already agreed this god is not omni-anything, I don’t intend to belabor the point, I’ll just mention in passing he remembered he had a covenant he had swore to to keep with with Abe and then he makes a promise that should make the sons of Israel take him as their god,

Then I will take you for My people, and I will be your God; and you shall know that I am the Lord your God, who brought you out from under the burdens of the Egyptians. I will bring you to the land which I swore to give to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, and I will give it to you for a possession; I am the Lord

Moses then says he has spoken to the peeps of Israel and they disbelieved him, how does god expect pharaoh to take him serious.

I will not bore you with the names of the heads of the families of Israel, who you remember we were told in Chapter 1 that all the generations of Jacob aka Israel died. In fact I don’t know what sons of Israel god intends to get out of bondage.

20 Amram married his father’s sister Jochebed, and she bore him Aaron and Moses; and the length of Amram’s life was one hundred and thirty-seven years.

I don’t know about you, but to marry your aunt is absurd! And by the way, I thought the matter of Moses speech was already resolved or is he playing mind games with god or is it the other way round?

30 But Moses said before the Lord, “Behold, I am unskilled in speech; how then will Pharaoh listen to me?






Let my people go

Moses has gone to see the pharaoh to ask for the peeps to be let go a three-day journey to make sacrifices to their god. As you’d expect if pharaoh doesn’t buy it and to show his displeasure orders that the Israelites be given more work for he feels they have become many and are now a lazy lot that is why they want to go and pray, don’t you just like this guy 🙂

The people of Israel aren’t amused either and go to Moses and this is what they tell him …21 They said to them, “May the Lord look upon you and judge you, for you have made us odious in Pharaoh’s sight and in the sight of his servants, to put a sword in their hand to kill us.” And who can blame them? If Moses hadn’t talked to burning bushes, they would be alright now, their work has been increased and the conditions just became worse.

Moses can’t take the blame himself so he goes back to the source of all this and says…. 22 Then Moses returned to the Lord and said, “O Lord, why have You brought harm to this people? Why did You ever send me? 23 Ever since I came to Pharaoh to speak in Your name, he has done harm to this people, and You have not delivered Your people at all.” Let us see how he responds.

Was god willing but unable to convince the pharaoh to release the sons of Israel without having to resort to punishment, death and mystery?



More absurdities

In the last chapter, we had Moses talking to a burning bush and his commission to go to the pharaoh and order him to release the Israelites or are they Levites, I don’t know. Moses develops cold feet. He thinks and rightly so, that no one is going to believe him so he needs some signs from YHWH.  I ask myself, for the last 2k years we have been asking god to show up he doesn’t but he could show up for Moses. What does he take us for?

YHWH tells Moses to throw his stuff to the ground and put his hand in the bosom, I guess you know what happened after that. Moses though has something up his sleeve, he tells god, he has a heavy mouth and as you would expect, god tells him as maker of man’s mouth, he will be with his mouth. Again for those who are blind or deaf, they really have a case against god. He says he makes them blind, mute and deaf! God ain’t amused and makes Aaron Moses’ spokesperson, wouldn’t it have been easier for him just to make Moses eloquent, if this is impotent, then I don’t want to be.

It is worth repeating that this god is suicidal, he hardens pharaoh’s heart so he can kill the Egyptian first-born sons as a sign of greatness, what greatness I wonder! Let it not pass you, god wants to kill Moses on the way so Zipporah, his wife, circumcised their son threw the foreskin at Moses feet and the lord let them go. I think this god has an obsession with murder and foreskin of young males!

The duo, Moses and brother meet the elders and perform the signs before the people and I think for the first time since he ran away, the people bow to worship. I kinda like these guys, if god ain’t doing anything for them, no worship!




Exodus 2

The Birth of Moses

The story of the absurd continues with the birth of Moses[ he is not named thus until Pharaoh’s daughter draws him from the water. I would like to know what his parents called him during the three months he was indoors]. We are told he is born of a Levite, the mother keeps him in the house for three months, I think she was waiting for the Pharaoh to change his mind about murdering innocent male babies. When pharaoh doesn’t change she makes a wicker basket

Wicker basket, baby Moses home for a few days or hours, I don’t know which

, water proofs it with tar and pitch then puts a cover, puts the baby inside and off she goes to the river where she places her sister under guard. I don’t know about you, unless this basket is sound proofed, it will not be long before the kid starts wailing either for being sleepy, hungry, lonely or wet. As fate would have it though, Pharaoh’s daughter and her maids come to the river, find the kid and sends for a Hebrew woman who happens to be the boy’s mother to take care of the kid. If she already has handmaids, why would she send for another? What benefit does she get from keeping this baby? What is in it for her?

He grows to become an adult in this chapter[ now that is growing too fast], kills an Egyptian and hides the body,attempts to mediate between to fighting Hebrews and discovers his past crime in known. The Pharaoh issues an APB, he runs away to Midian where like others before[ remember Jake and Ike] him he finds damsels at a well help them with watering the cattle, they report the matter home and he gets a wife and begets children or is it a son only. How perfectly simple can life get?

I think this scribes knew their god wasn’t omniscient and so they write at the end of this chapter that at the death of the Pharaoh, the children of Israel[I thought all the generations if the family of Jake aka Israel perished] cried out for help and the Elohim of Abe, Ike and Jake remembered his covenant. Now you may ask yourself, how could he forget this one chosen family of his? Was he playing dice or did he take a walk to watch Gor Mahia FC and AFC Leopards, just asking?

Gor Mahia FC