It is written, that upon his Second Coming, Yeshua will come like a thief in the night. And lo, he will catch people unawares:
Yeshua: Nobody moves, nobody gets hurt! Everyone, grab some air! Stick them up!!
People (Badly surprised): W…who are you?
Yeshua: I am the son of man, you heathens! I’ve come back to rapture all ya!!
People: B…but you are wearing a ski-mask! And carrying a gun!
Yeshua: I have come to fulfil my own prophecy! I promised to come back like a thief in the night! So, here I am! Keep your mangy paws in the air, where I can see them!!
People: Why are you carrying a duffel bag?
Yeshua: Every thief worth his name ALWAYS carries a duffel bag! It’s part of the trade! Now, where’s the safe? I want dollars and pearls in mine bag here, you heathens! Then I’ll rapture y’all!
People: How can we really tell that you are the son of man, and not a random burglar from the streets?
Yeshua: Coz I got ze gun, heathen scum! You agree with what I say, or my gun roars!!
N/B: For access to all anecdotes in this series, check out List of all “Chronicles of YHWH” notes.