To qualify to volunteer can be


well, very difficult, maybe harder than applying for a job and especially if you are an atheist.

That mind boggling oddity called the Creation Museum run by Ken Ham is asking for volunteers.

And because I am not applying, I will answer the questions the best way we know how

1. How does one get to heaven when they die?

If you are Muslim, you can go on a pegasus. As a Christian, I don’t know if they have heavenly transport
2. Why do you believe YOU will go to heaven when you die?

I have no such belief, but if there is a heaven, I believe the god in charge would allow all in
3. What would cause anyone to go to hell?

Believing in the wrong god when the god in charge of hell is an asshole
4. Do you believe suffering in hell is eternal?

I think the person who asked this question is deranged
5. What do you believe to be the main difference between Christianity and other religions?

Christians, Catholics especially, wear torture devices around their necks as a sign of devotion
6. Do you believe the earth is thousands of years old or millions of years or does it matter? Explain your thoughts.

Is this still being debated in 2015?
7. “I believe that the ONLY legitimate marriage sanctioned by God and given in Scripture is the joining of one natural born man and one natural born woman. All other unions are contrary to clear Biblical teaching.” Do you agree with this statement or disagree?

Which is this? Marrying the girl you just raped? Or having as many wives/ concubines as you can? Or having the husband of the woman you desire killed? I am spoilt for choice.
8. Please provide a brief statement regarding your Christian Testimony of Salvation.

I was sleeping then one day I woke up and so all this religion was man made. That was my best day, I can’t recall what day it was.
9. Please provide a brief statement of your position regarding Creation.

I only know mould/ transform
10. Please provide a brief statement about your position as relates to the inspiration, inerrancy (100% accuracy) of the Bible as the ONLY true Word of God.

Negative. It is not inerrant and it is not a word of a god so far as I can tell
11. How would you respond to someone who said “The Koran or the Book of Mormon are equally the Word of God.”?

Who gives a fuck
12. Please confirm that you have a valid email address with regular access and confirm that you will periodically check email for forms and information from AiG.

It would be great if AiG does not contact me.

Try your luck friends, you may just be granted an opportunity to serve as a volunteer in a madhouse.

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About makagutu

As Onyango Makagutu I am Kenyan, as far as I am a man, I am a citizen of the world

41 thoughts on “To qualify to volunteer can be

  1. john zande says:

    No. 7 is brilliant. Is this really their questions?

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, I LOVE Ken Ham! One could not make up better satire than the shit this guy says and does if one tried. the guy is a living punch line to a million jokes. He’s the gift whose deliberate ignorance of reality refuses to let him stop giving. What a dick head this guy is.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Great comic relief, thank you! I especially liked these two answers:

    “Christians, Catholics especially, wear torture devices around their necks as a sign of devotion”

    “Who gives a fuck”

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Jon Darby says:

    I went there to fill it out, but I was stymied by that damned statement of faith. I can’t bring myself to click “Yes” even in the name of mockery.

    Like

  5. archaeopteryx1 says:

    I believe that the ONLY legitimate marriage sanctioned by God and given in Scripture is the joining of one natural born man and one natural born woman” – So then, C-section births are exempt from marriage?

    Liked by 2 people

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